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The Secret Service is warning of a new crime wave, “Jackpotting”, where thieves hack an ATM and empty it of cash. Since it takes several minutes, the crooks pose as ATM repairmen, or as your grandfather trying to do anything on an ATM.

Traffic to hospitals in the wake of this season’s flu outbreak is so overwhelming, that some are setting up beds in waiting rooms, putting an enormous strain on supplies of 4-year-old People magazines.

Actor Robert Wagner has been named a ‘person of interest’ in the 1981 drowning death of his then-wife Natalie Wood, as LAPD reopens this cold – and wet – case.

Nashville Mayor Megan Barry admitted to an extramarital affair with the former head of her security detail. Barry apologized to her husband, to the people of Nashville, and especially to everyone who had to hear the country song her ex-lover wrote about it.

Major League Baseball announced that all 30 teams will extend protective netting to the end of dugouts in order to prevent spectator injuries from flying foul balls. Ushers will also be authorized to provide helmets to vulnerable fans who black out drunk & bored.

President Trump bragged that tv ratings for his State of the Union address were the “highest.. in history”, a claim disproved by Nielsen ratings for speeches by Obama, Clinton and George W. Bush. Trump’s team fired back that Nielsen ratings don’t include the 2 million TVs at Trump Hotels and Mar-A-Lago that only show Fox News.

Democrats claim that a confidential memo critical of the FBI, authored by GOP Rep Devin Nunes, was significantly altered prior to being given to President Trump. Republicans said they needed to alter it to get it down to one page and to add a comics section to make sure the President read it.

Nintendo announced that Mario Kart is coming to mobile phones in 2019. Highway patrols are gearing up for a rash of accidents from distracted drivers swerving to avoid bananas.

Startup Edovo has secured several million dollars in funding for its product that provides tablet-based education to jailed prisoners. Early results are encouraging, with many prisoners learning how to read, write code, and stab someone to death with an iPad.

Google announced an upcoming change to Google Assistant, that won’t require users to say “Hey Google” before asking a question. Assistant-equipped products like Google Home will simply spring into action whenever someone says “goddamnit, why don’t you look it up yourself?”

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President Trump is expected to lift an Obama-era ban on the sale of military equipment to local police forces, as Dunkin Donuts scrambles to add tank spaces to its parking lots.

Trump is expected to tour flood-ravaged Houston on Tuesday. He’ll circle the area in an Army helicopter for as long as it takes to find a golf course that’s open.

Amazon has lowered prices at newly-acquired Whole Foods. Whole Foods reports that they’re selling so much organic produce, the Red Cross is collecting donations to feed the fruit flies now starving at Whole Foods locations.

Spanish researchers shared findings that drinking four cups of coffee a day lowers risk of death by 30% in persons 45 and older. Starbucks is now accepting Medicare as payment.

The Food and Drug Administration is said to be cracking down on what they consider to be illegal stem cell clinics. The FDA’s website posted a warning letter it sent to U.S. Stem Cell Clinic in Sunrise Florida, and another letter it sent to Taco Bell for its Stem Cell Gordita Crunch.

Walmart is teaming up with Google to allow users to voice-order products via Google Home, to compete with Amazon’s Alexa. So, in the same way that Amazon users can say “Alexa, please order a bag of potato chips” from Amazon, Google Home users can say “Google, I sure’n would appreciate one of them there bags of pork rinds.” from Walmart.

Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg and wife Priscilla Chan welcomed their second daughter, August. August joins 2 year-old sister Max in a lifetime battle for Likes.

Fitbit introduced a $299 smartwatch, the Ionic, to compete with the Apple Watch. It tracks sleep and activity,  displays heart rate, stores music, and has a battery that lasts four days while it sits on your counter and you skip the gym.

Taylor Swift debuted the first single, ‘Look What You Made Me Do’ from her forthcoming album Reputation. The song gives a co-writing credit to 90s one-hit wonder Right Said Fred — as Gerardo and Lou Bega wait by their respective phones for the big call.

Showtime is being sued for the low quality of its video stream experienced by customers watching the big Mayweather v McGregor fight online. Mayweather prevailed in a fight that lasted 10 rounds despite predictions of a fast finish, but it buffered for at least six more rounds.