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Donald Trump says he’s being assisted in debate preparation by Chris Christie. Christie was seen reading a lengthy order at the McDonald’s drive-thru.

A judge overturned a ban on Uber operating in London. The decision is regarded as a huge victory for British creeps.

17 apps were removed from the Google Play store for containing malware that secretly billed the user for WAP services. That’s ‘Wireless Application Protocol’, not the good WAP.

Demi Lovato posted a photo to Instagram wearing a shirt reading “Dogs Over People”, just after breaking off her engagement to actor Max Ehrlich. She’s now engaged to her dog.

Joe Montana and his wife stopped an intruder who tried to take their 9-month-old grandchild from their home. Jennifer Montana took the baby back, and was credited with a forced turnover, the intruder was credited with one carry for no gain.

Photos from Europe’s CHEOPS Space Telescope revealed WASP-189b – one of the “hottest, most extreme planets” in orbit. The photos are of extraterrestrials doing sick, backside 1080s while chugging Mountain Dew Code Red.

NASA is sending a new space toilet to the International Space Station, which they say is optimized for use by female astronauts. Which is NASA’s way of saying women get their own toilet, instead of having to wait six hours after the men use it.

California prisons will now house inmates by the gender they identify as. Commissaries at men’s prisons say they can’t keep up with demand for makeup, wigs and dresses the convicts are ordering for their transfer hearings.

Magawa, a giant rat, was given a gold medal by a British veterinary group for his work detecting unexploded land mines in Cambodia. Magawa then spent the rest of day trying to alternately eat, and have sex with, the medal.

Former Trump campaign manager Brad Parscale was hospitalized after barricading himself in his house and threatening self-harm. Negotiators said the self-harm was either shooting himself, or going to work for Trump again.

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Joe Biden swept all seven Democratic presidential primaries on Tuesday, then asked aides if that means he’s president now.

Ivanka Trump carried a handbag to Donald Trump’s controversial church photo op, saying she needed it to hold pepper spray in case her father got too close.

Golf courses are seeing increased use of new single-rider carts like the Finn Scooter, which resemble dirt bikes and help courses enable social distancing. They also make the day more fun when course owners install cool ramps to jump between holes.

Danielle Bregoli, aka Bhad Bhabie, aka the ‘Cash Me Outside’ Girl, has entered rehab. She asks for publicity during this very difficult time.

The Pennsylvania Turnpike Commission will lay off 500 toll collectors. All 500 will have booths installed in their driveways so they can collect unemployment benefits.

Ikea reopened stores in England and Northern Ireland, but long lines forced checkout wait times up to three hours. Workers passed out Allen wrenches so customers could use the time productively.

Google pulled an app that identified and removed other apps developed in China from its Play Store. Users would complain that, once they removed apps developed in China, there was nothing left.

A $5 billion class-action lawsuit claims Google allows tracking of web-browsing data on users in Incognito Mode. The suit was filed by “an anonymous group of a few thousand guys who are pretty sure they got fired for watching porn at work.”

Dallas Cowboys QB Dak Prescott pledged $1 million to improve the caliber of police training to address racism and advocacy. In response, Philadelphia Eagles fans raised $1 million to make police officer training worse.

AMC Theaters said in a statement it has “substantial doubt” it can remain in business because of the global pandemic. Bad news for moviegoers, good news for anyone looking to score a used electric leather recliner.