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Best Buy stores have moved to a ‘curbside pickup only’ policy, so employees can get a good laugh and watch customers struggling to fit huge TVs in their car.

Apple CEO Tim Cook says the company is donating “millions” of protective masks to healthcare workers. The challenge now is finding healthcare workers whose faces are the same size as 12-year-old Apple factory employees.

Portland, Oregon’s Lucky Devil Lounge strip club started ‘Boober Eats’, where scantily-clad dancers deliver food from Lucky Devil’s menu. Several customers claim they found hair in their food, for which they paid extra.

Dr. Anthony Fauci, a fixture at Coronavirus Task Force press briefings and the Director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, said social distancing is crucial to prevent the U.S. from “becoming another Italy”. To which Italian Americans replied “AYYYYYY!”

Pennsylvania golfers asked Governor Tom Wolf to reopen courses, arguing that distance between players makes the game inherently safe and healthy, and that any added distance necessitated by the pandemic makes it easier than ever to cheat.

Harvey Weinstein tested positive for the coronavirus in a maximum security prison in New York state, as did another inmate who tries to look like Gwyneth Paltrow.

Formula 1 racing is cancelled, so drivers are racing each other online in the official F1 video game. Somehow three drivers still managed to be hospitalized in crashes.

Three Florida spring breakers from the University of Tampa tested positive for COVID-19, and are currently in isolation while doctors supervise them butt-chugging grape Pedialyte with Tylenol.

Stevie Nicks praised artist Harry Styles’ new album ‘Fine Line’, saying she thinks it’s his ‘Rumors’. The music world hasn’t been this stunned since Nicks called Lou Bega’s ‘Mambo No. 5’ his ‘Pac Man Fever’.

The CDC & Microsoft, launched a coronavirus self-checking bot called Clara, to  recommend actions to those who think they have COVID-19 symptoms. You simply visit the CDC website, click the self-checker, and then watch as you’re told not to restart your computer for three hours.

 

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Pennsylvania Governor Tom Wolf set up a hotline for residents to call for assistance following last week’s devastating flooding – provided your phone still works after being submerged in flood water.

Washington Capitals’ Alex Ovechkin announced the arrival of his first child, Sergei. Ovechkin’s wife delivered the baby via five-hole.

A new study from Arizona State University claims that disposable contact lenses flushed into the sewer are adding to the plastic waste contaminating the oceans. However, the lenses are also helping nearsighted fish see sharks further away and avoid being eaten.

The New York Times reported that Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s team investigating Russian election interference has interviewed White House attorney Don McGahn for over 30 hours. Mueller’s team said they were done after 3 hours, but McGahn didn’t feel like going back to the White House.

A 47-year-old Massachusetts man was arrested after a fight broke out between two foursomes on a golf course. The arrested man bit off another player’s finger during the fight, while a more helpful player hit it out of a sand trap to within six feet of an EMT standing by the pin.

2 Chainz got married — now he’s Ball n’ 2 Chainz.

Nemesio Oseguera Cervantes, known as “El Mencho,” was named the most-wanted drug kingpin in North America, as Mexican and U.S. authorities put a $6.5 million bounty for capture of the leader of the Jalisco New Generation cartel. El Mencho is not to be confused with Harvey “El Menscho” Mensch, all-around great guy at Jalisco’s Hebrew Temple Beth El.

Conde Nast Traveler magazine readers named the world’s 11 Most Friendly Cities, topped by San Miguel de Allende, Mexico. Two Mexican cities and two in Ireland made the list. while no U.S. cities were named — this despite Philadelphia’s “vote for f***in Philadelphia, already, you pussies!” campaign.

Pokémon Go publisher Niantic has launched a new parental login portal for the popular mobile game so that parents can monitor their children’s activity, and, in all likelihood, suck the fun out of it.

A sixth-grade teacher in Georgia donated a kidney to one of his students, and later donated a C- to the essay that the student wrote about it.