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Kirk Cameron was criticized for organizing a Christmas caroling event at a California mall, drawing 500 participants with few wearing masks or social distancing. Cameron himself got angry at the hundreds who stayed after for a seance to contact Boner.

Tom Cruise cursed out crew members on the London set of Mission Impossible 7 for not social distancing. After his rant, Cruise peeled off his mask to reveal he was actually Vice President-elect Kamala Harris!!

Mitch McConnell spoke on the Senate floor to finally congratulate Joe Biden on winning the 2020 election, then sent a photo to Donald Trump of his fingers crossed behind his back.

California Congressman Eric Swalwell addressed an Axios report about his relationship with suspected Chinese spy Christine Fang in 2015. Swalwell said he did not share sensitive information with Feng, and only loved her short time.

Ivanka Trump and Donald Trump Jr both condemned government lockdowns of small businesses not ‘grounded in science’. This, from two people who were probably at some point grounded for failing science.

Hulu will produce a limited-run series about the Pamela Anderson & Tommy Lee sex tape. Their goal for the series is to get one one-thousandth of the views gotten by the sex tape.

California is reportedly ordering thousands of body bags as the COVID-19 death toll rises. They’re also telling relatives the bags take an extra week to arrive if they want them monogrammed.

MacKenzie Scott – ex-wife of Jeff Bezos – donated $4.2 billion of her estimated $60 billion fortune to charity in just the last four months, and stopped taking Donald Trump and Mike Pence’s calls when they found out about it.

A 5.000-year-old relic from the Great Pyramid of Giza was discovered in a cigar box in Scotland. It’s believed to be the world’s oldest souvenir refrigerator magnet.

The Federal Reserve announced they may make downward adjustments to interest rates, in order to lower mortgage rates and boost the economy. That way, people can buy houses now and maybe move into them a year later.

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Sprint and T-Mobile called off merger plans. Conference calls to discuss the deal kept dropping.

Supermodel Kate Upton married Houston Astros pitching ace Justin Verlander in Tuscany, just days after the Astros’ World Series win. Verlander missed the Astros victory parade, but still managed to see some big floats.

Gonorrhea rates are up 63% in Australia over the last five years, as Health Dept. authorities there express concern over the emergence of skinnier, sexier kangaroos.

Former NASCAR champion Matt Kenseth announced his retirement, citing inability to find a sponsor. Kenseth said he never thought his career would take such a right turn.

Shalane Flanagan became the first American woman in 40 years to win the women’s division of the NYC Marathon, as ICE agents throughout the course touted a successful roundup of Kenyans.

Pharmacy giant CVS plans to offer next-day delivery of prescription drugs nationwide, and may offer same-day delivery in some urban markets, in an effort to stave off competition from Amazon and those sketchy guys who hang out on the corner.

Utah passed a bill to change their anti-bigamy law. Current Utah law says bigamy applies when a married man “spiritually” weds another woman, leading thousands of men to request divorces from women they spiritually married for a hundred bucks.

Scientists have discovered a 30-meter ‘void’ in the Great Pyramid of Giza. Further investigation is required to determine whether it’s a Pharoah Cave or Scrapbooking Room.

President Trump arrived in Japan, and was presented with a gift from Japan’s Prime Minister Shinzo Abe – a custom hat embroidered with the slogan ‘Donald & Shinzo – Make Alliance Even Greater’. Trump said it reminded him of the slogan on favors from his wedding, ‘Donald & Melania – She Signed the Prenup’.

Researchers at the University of Pennsylvania say the number of assaults go up by nearly 3 percent once Daylight Savings Time ends in early November, and that’s just counting their latest bus ride back to campus in Philadelphia on Sunday.