Top seed Iga Swiatek of Poland complained that women in the U.S. Open tennis championships use lighter tennis balls than those played in men’s matches. Swiatek prefers playing with men’s balls.

A federal judge ruled a Special Master must review documents seized in a raid at Donald Trump’s Mar-a-Lago resort. The Justice Department is suspicious, because the Special Master requested a Special Servant to deliver Big Macs and Diet Cokes.

A man stirred controversy by using a text-to-image artificial intelligence program to win first prize in the Digital Art competition at the Colorado State Fair, angering other entrants. Worse, the text he entered to create his art was ‘dogs playing poker’.

A North Carolina family demands answers after a teacher hit their 16-year-old son in the head with a textbook for talking in class. His parents, who attended Catholic School in the 70s, wonder why the teacher didn’t hit him harder.

Scientists created viable mouse embryos without the use of sperm or an egg – which may help families having difficulty conceiving children. But for now, the scientists need help trapping the lab-created mice.

Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck attended the Malibu Chili Cook-Off together. JLo was seen consulting with the 90 Day Fiance woman who sells her farts in a jar to see how to cash in on her visit.

A man snuck into a dressing room at the Tropicana Las Vegas during a magic show and masturbated while sitting on a couch. Despite saying “abracadabra” multiple times, his lovely assistant never appeared.

A female mortician on Tik Tok claims the pre-embalming ritual for corpses is like a “spa treatment”. She said cremation is like a “hot stone massage”, only the stones are 1000 degrees.

80,000 attendees sat in traffic jams as long as 12 hours to leave the Burning Man festival in the Nevada desert – while joining the Urinating Behind Your Open Car Door festival.

A retired female jockey started an Only Fans account selling nude content. She’s currently settling a dispute about how much money to share with the horse.

A mink on a Michigan farm tested positive for coronavirus. He decided to get tested because he felt really warm.

Unseeded Iga Swiatek won the women’s championship at the French Open tennis tournament. Asked what she was going do do next, she replied “Iga Disney World!”

Harold “Heshy” Tischler was jailed for inciting a riot as Orthodox Jews continue to protest New York City’s COVID-19 restrictions. Tischler becomes the first person arrested for excessive fist-shaking.

Two U.S. professors won the Nobel Prize in Economics for ‘improvements to auction theory and introduction of new auction formats’. Then they sold the prize on eBay.

Estee Lauder is sending 10 bottles of skin care serum to the International Space Station, and will auction one bottle for charity. The winner will be responsible for the winning bid, plus $3 million in shipping.

COVID-19 vaccine makers are paying people to take trial vaccines, with the plan to expose them to coronavirus in a controlled environment. Volunteers are signing up quickly, because so many want to see the inside of the White House.

Many cities are ditching Columbus Day and celebrating Indigenous Peoples Day instead. “Whatever” said a government worker sleeping in.

Tom Kennedy, longtime host of game show ‘Name That Tune’, passed away at age 93. The church organist will play two notes of Amazing Grace in his honor.

Many Twitter users are outraged that Israeli actress and Wonder Woman star Gal Gadot will portray Cleopatra, Queen of Egypt in an upcoming film. They demand the role go to an actress who’s Egyptian, Greek, or dead and wrapped in bandages.

Amazon debuted the first of 100,000 electric delivery vans it will deploy. The vans will help reduce harmful emissions as they carry stuff you’ll dump in a landfill in a couple years.