Top seed Iga Swiatek of Poland complained that women in the U.S. Open tennis championships use lighter tennis balls than those played in men’s matches. Swiatek prefers playing with men’s balls.

A federal judge ruled a Special Master must review documents seized in a raid at Donald Trump’s Mar-a-Lago resort. The Justice Department is suspicious, because the Special Master requested a Special Servant to deliver Big Macs and Diet Cokes.

A man stirred controversy by using a text-to-image artificial intelligence program to win first prize in the Digital Art competition at the Colorado State Fair, angering other entrants. Worse, the text he entered to create his art was ‘dogs playing poker’.

A North Carolina family demands answers after a teacher hit their 16-year-old son in the head with a textbook for talking in class. His parents, who attended Catholic School in the 70s, wonder why the teacher didn’t hit him harder.

Scientists created viable mouse embryos without the use of sperm or an egg – which may help families having difficulty conceiving children. But for now, the scientists need help trapping the lab-created mice.

Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck attended the Malibu Chili Cook-Off together. JLo was seen consulting with the 90 Day Fiance woman who sells her farts in a jar to see how to cash in on her visit.

A man snuck into a dressing room at the Tropicana Las Vegas during a magic show and masturbated while sitting on a couch. Despite saying “abracadabra” multiple times, his lovely assistant never appeared.

A female mortician on Tik Tok claims the pre-embalming ritual for corpses is like a “spa treatment”. She said cremation is like a “hot stone massage”, only the stones are 1000 degrees.

80,000 attendees sat in traffic jams as long as 12 hours to leave the Burning Man festival in the Nevada desert – while joining the Urinating Behind Your Open Car Door festival.

A retired female jockey started an Only Fans account selling nude content. She’s currently settling a dispute about how much money to share with the horse.

Amazon is in trouble for shipping products to the Iranian Embassy. The illegal shipments were detected when U.S. Intelligence operatives heard Iranian Embassy workers ask Alexa where they could get plutonium and automatic weapons.

Unconfirmed reports state that Beyonce is interested in acquiring a stake in the NBA Houston Rockets. Players on the Houston Rockets said that they’d be really excited to acquire a stake in Beyonce.

Rookie New York Jets safety Jamal Adams stirred controversy when asked about player head injuries and CTE at a fan forum; Adams replied “literally, if I had a perfect place to die, it would be on the field.” As a member of the 2017 Jets, Adams can look forward to getting killed on the field, off of it, and most days in the Sports section.

Donald Trump Tweeted that he will continue to use social media to reach over 100 million followers, saying it’s the only way he can “get the truth out.” Meaning, out of his way.

Trump reacted to recent nuclear missile advances by North Korea saying simply “we’ll handle it.” Which instills the same confidence as hearing a Dad who can’t tell XBox from Playstation saying he’ll “handle” buying video games for his kid’s birthday.

The Emoji Movie made almost $25 Million at the weekend box office, despite its dismal 7% Fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoes, because it’s a long summer and Mommy needs her alone time while Dad takes you kids to the matinee.

The Wall Street Journal reports that New Jersey is losing Millennial workers – Millennials are described as preferring to work at offices close to where they socialize, and they prefer to socialize anywhere but New Jersey.

New England Patriots Julian Edelman and Stephon Gilmore were kicked out of practice for fighting. The fight started when Patriots veteran Edelman accused the newly-acquired Gilmore of not cheating hard enough.

A place kicker for the University of Central Florida lost his NCAA eligibility because he was being paid for videos on his YouTube channel. He promised to continue producing the make-up videos.

Burning Man Festival finally received its permit from the Federal Bureau of Land Management, and the festival will go on. Parts of the location had been flooded, leading organizers to either postpone the festival, or change it to Peeing Man.

  • One of the big art installations featured this year at Burning Man is a 14 foot pyramid constructed with gummy bears. The pyramid will be surrounded by armed guards to ward off Burners who get the munchies.

Jared Kushner told a group of White House Interns that the Trump Campaign couldn’t have colluded with the Russians because they were too disorganized. And if there’s one thing Kushner knows about the Russians, it’s that he’s indebted to them for tens of millions of dollars.