By |

Papa John’s ex-CEO John Schnatter told conservative cable network One America News that he’s been working for the last 20 months to get the N-word out of his vocabulary. Asked about his progress, Schnatter replied “damn, ni**a it’s tough.”

Joe Biden’s dogs are being sent home to Delaware after a reported “biting incident” with Major the German Shepherd. Major refuses to resign despite this, and several interns saying he humped their leg.

The Queens Gambit is being turned into a stage musical. It’s basically the musical ‘Chess’ that flopped in the 80s, only with a hot female lead.

Donald Trump sent a cease & desist order to the Republican National Committee to stop using his likeness without compensation. Donald Trump Jr. & Eric Trump told the RNC they can use their likenesses, but the RNC said “we’ll pass”.

Dallas Cowboys QB Dak Prescott reportedly signed a new 4-year deal worth $160 million. Prescott will be the second-highest paid QB, now that new Colts QB Carson Wentz restructured his contract so he gets paid $1 million for every turnover.

A meteor reportedly rattled buildings as it flew over the skies of northern Vermont and Canada on Sunday night. Although others believe it was legendary Vermont hero, Syrup Man.

Rob Gronkowski worked with designers of NFTs – non-fungible tokens – to create five rare, one-of-a-kind digital trading cards with his likeness. Gronk then lost the passwords to all of them.

Scientists discovered some sea slugs can self-decapitate and grow a new body – they keep trying until they get a body sexy enough to attract a hot male sea slug.

Mexico is reportedly close to becoming the largest legal-marijuana market. It’s so close, legal weed dealers are taking lessons from cartels on torturing and murdering their rivals.

The Republican-led Iowa state legislature passed new laws aimed to restrict voting in the state, making it more challenging for the five Iowa Democrats to cast their ballots.

By |

Visitors to a Grand Canyon museum over the last 18 years were exposed to excessive doses of radiation from stored uranium ore. The park safety inspector alerted officials after several incidents of young museum nerds having rage-induced episodes, throwing tourists through walls when they were picked on.

New research suggests middle-aged men who can do 40 push-ups at a time have a 96% lower risk of heart attack and stroke. Men who can’t do 2 have a 1000% higher risk of dying from a heart attack while doing push-ups.

Southwest Airlines is the subject of an FAA investigation for improperly weighing checked baggage, creating a safety risk. A spokesperson denied the allegation, while saying concern over aircraft weight is why they boot so many big people off of flights.

Legalization of marijuana at the state level has resulted in at least 10 recorded instances of fires or explosions at facilities that extract hash oil used in edibles. On the plus side, there’s been a huge increase in the number of stoners signing up to be volunteer firemen.

16 U.S. states sued the Trump Administration to contest the President’s National Emergency Declaration and funding for a U.S./Mexico border wall. Several states including Mississippi are holding out while they wait for someone to show them where Mexico is.

Tyler Perry announced ‘Tyler Perry’s a Madea Family Funeral’ will be the final time he plays Madea. No word whether the Motion Picture Academy will feature Madea during the Oscars ‘In Memoriam’ segment so everyone can cheer publicly about it.

Tony Romo will play in his second PGA Tour event in the AT&T Byron Nelson Classic. He was given a sponsor’s exemption on the conditions that he shut up and not loudly predict which club his opponent will use every stroke.

Adult website YouPorn is launching their own app. They say it will allow users more privacy, faster load times and, therefore, faster unload times.

  • YouPorn said the app is designed to meet the exacting demands of creeps flying in coach with spotty wifi.

Netflix cancelled ‘The Punisher’ and ‘Jessica Jones’, meaning Netflix will no longer have any Marvel superhero series. Netflix said they tried to warn fans with hints at the end of the closing credits, but found that losers will only wait for those in movie theaters.

Heidi Klum said goodbye as she ends a six-season run as a judge on ‘America’s Got Talent’. Producers said they’ll begin a lengthy search to find a replacement with no artistic/athletic/musical talent whatsoever….whoops, they just found a different supermodel.