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New research finds that a majority of adults set their home thermostat to temperatures their parent’s did when they were growing up. Although today’s homeowners are less inclined to hit their family members for adjusting it.

Boutique bakery Cupcakes by Melissa is partnering with Claussen Pickles on a limited-time pickle cupcake. It’s surprising because it’s usually a man’s idea to stick a pickle in their cupcake.

Atlantic City’s annual summer Air Show was cancelled after one of the main performers – the Air Force Thunderbirds – pulled out. Atlantic City prostitutes have stepped in to fill the void with an Under-The-Boardwalk Ground Show.

A pig escaped a livestock transport truck and ran loose on a Philadelphia highway, but was captured after causing a long traffic jam. The now-famous pig will get its picture on the tube of scrapple it’s turned in to.

The Mediterranean Diet reportedly helps with acne. But don’t rub the olive oil on your zits.

A man who lost his voice to cancer received a full larynx replacement. The operation was a success, even though they didn’t use his wife’s as the donor organ like he’d asked.

Samsung factory workers in South Korea called an indefinite labor strike, seeking better pay and working conditions. This is different from the Apple factory strike where workers there demanded the ability to finish sixth grade.

Starbucks gave away free reusable straws as a way to help reduce waste, because where else can you blow $8 on iced coffee and feel good about it?

A local charity sponsored a free swimsuit giveaway at Philadelphia’s public swimming pools. Then Philadelphia cops showed up to arrest the dozen adults who showed up to help the children try the swimsuits on.

The U.S. military will end the operation where they constructed an offshore pier to assist deliveries of aid to war-torn Gaza. They also said it was probably a bad idea to put a ferris wheel and carnival games on the pier.

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ABC introduced Matt James, the first black man on ‘The Bachelor – or, as it’s now called, ‘Da Bachelor‘.

Mike Pence addressed a rally for Georgia Senate candidates Kelly Loeffler and David Perdue, saying America will “hear the evidence” of election fraud in a joint session of Congress on January 6th, adding “and not from Rudy Giuliani this time”.

In light of crowded hospitals and ICUs, Los Angeles County is telling ambulance crews not to drop off patients with little chance of survival. Residents are angry that they’re calling ambulances, and hearses with Uber stickers are showing up.

Actress Emma Stone is pregnant. Longtime partner Dave McCary is believed to have provided The Help.

Harry Potter film actress Jessica Cave said her baby boy has contracted COVID-19, but she thinks he’ll make a full recovery thanks to an antiviral spell.

Wisconsin pharmacist Steven Brandenburg, who’s accused of deliberately destroying COVID-19 vaccines, said he did so because he believes they can change human DNA. Asked where he got his pharmacy certification, Brandenburg replied Hogwarts.

Fashion designer Alexander Wang is facing sexual assault allegations from male and trans models, who say they’re fighting an uphill battle on account of all the puns.

U.S. News & World Report awarded its Best Diet Gold Medal Award to the Mediterranean Diet for the 4th straight year. “Alright!” said a guy adding olives and anchovies to his double-cheese pizza.

The annual Las Vegas Consumer Electronics Show – one of the cities biggest conventions – will be held virtually this year. I.T. consultants are raking in huge sums helping work-from-home strippers set up Zoom Champagne Rooms.

Outgoing Secretary of Education Betsy Devos penned a farewell letter to Congressional leaders – who sent it back for multiple spelling & grammar corrections.

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Hershey’s Chocolate is retiring their ‘Kissmobiles’, large motorized vehicles in the shape of wrapped Hershey’s Kisses. They say the 20-year-old vehicles are in disrepair because they keep melting on hot days.

New York City mayor Bill de Blasio blasted Domino’s for selling $30 pizzas to New Year’s Eve revelers in Times Square. Event sponsor Planet Fitness echoed his sentiment, saying if people wanted, they could join for 20 cents and get pizza for free.

Ricki Lake shaved her head after revealing her nearly 30-year-struggle with hair loss. She’s now ready to begin struggling with hair growth.

A Florida jury awarded $4 million to a Disney Cruise worker struck by a car while off the ship in a port-of-call, saying she received inadequate medical care from ship doctors. The doctors argued that they couldn’t treat her properly because she would only quack.

Greyhound Bus Lines is offering free tickets to runaways seeking to reunite with their families. To qualify, the rider must call a runaway hotline, be between 12 and 21 years old, and decide that a Greyhound bus ride is somehow better than life on the street.

The National Hockey League fined Columbus Blue Jackets head coach John Tortorella $20,000 for a postgame rant about officiating following a loss. Tortorella could have just punched a referee instead and gotten a five-minute timeout.

A new Gallup poll of Americans named Michelle Obama the “most admired woman” of 2019.  Respondents were asked to name a woman they admired, and after men replied with the name of a porn star or Instagram model, they were told ‘not like that’.

The Mediterranean diet was named the best diet by U.S. News and World Report. The popular Keto diet ranked next-to-last, but only because someone entered The Taco Bell Diet.

A 58-year-old man missing in the Grand Canyon for 11 days was found alive. Search crews resumed efforts trying to find him after initially waiting to see if Santa Claus could do it.

Consumer advocates advise people not to abbreviate 2020 as 20 on paper checks and legal documents, claiming that doing so makes the digits easily changeable and subject to fraud. The same advocates also advise people writing paper checks to learn how to use a goddamned computer.