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Dr. Pepper is now the U.S.’ 2nd-most-popular soda, surpassing Pepsi and trailing Coca-Cola. Mountain Dew remains the most popular soda-related cause of organ failure.

A man who survived a shark attack while swimming at a California beach said he repeatedly punched it in the face. The man was treated for bites to his hand, arm, and torso – and officials are looking for a shark with a black eye.

This is Pat Sajak’s last week hosting Wheel Of Fortune, but said in an interview he could have kept going, mainly because he’s paid eight figures to spin a wheel once, say numbers and letters, and be a dick to people.

Boeing’s Starliner spacecraft team said a “computer issue” caused them to abort launch for a second time. The Windows operating system update said “this will take a minute” and was stuck on 2% Complete for a half-hour.

Cyndi Lauper announced her final in-person shows, the Girls Just Want To Have Menopause Tour

A 74-year-old Nebraska woman – pronounced dead at a hospice care facility – was found breathing after being transported to a funeral home. For their part, the ambulance company offered a discount on a second round trip between the two facilities next week.

Utah’s NHL team – the former Arizona Coyotes – reportedly has four finalists for a team name: Mammoth; Yeti; & two others. The last two weren’t named by the team’s new owner, but Bigamists and Joseph Smiths are believed to be in the running.

A University of Pennsylvania study claims daily Omega-3 fatty acid supplements correlate with a 22% reduction in aggressive behavior. The study followed gang members who took Omega-3 and shot 22% fewer people while enjoying lower cholesterol and blood pressure.

Medical startup Sword Health showcased a new AI that can talk to sick people during appointments. So far it knows “we aren’t accepting new patients”; “we don’t take that insurance”; and “have you tried Tylenol?”

The owner of the world’s largest collection of fossilized poop is showcasing it at his new ‘Poozeum’ in Arizona. There are samples from ancient dinosaurs, as well as new exhibits featuring Rupert Murdoch, Joe Biden & Donald Trump.

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Northeastern U.S. states are reporting a norovirus ‘stomach bug’ infection rate of 15% of the total population. It’s so bad, people are boarding Carnival Cruises to try and escape it.

A Florida man had 150 live bugs removed from his nostrils and sinuses, that he says he didn’t know were there. Although when he blew his nose the handkerchief would walk away when he set it down.

A Pennsylavnia man was convicted of his 12th DUI. He’s been given a star on the Field Sobriety Test Straight Line Walk Of Fame.

Makers of home pregnancy tests are introducing new menopause tests. They’re really just thermometers to see how high the hot flashes are.

Elon Musk said the human patient with a Neuralink brain implant can control a computer mouse with his mind. The patient used it to type the message “get.. this ..f*cking.. thing… out… of… my… brain…”

AT&T customers experienced a massive cell phone outage early this morning – forcing many of them to visit their parents & grandparents for the first time in years to borrow their land line.

Google updated the sign-in page for user accounts, making it easier across a variety of devices to log on and give them information to sell.

A new study finds 1 in 4 college students make less than their counterparts with only a high school degree. They didn’t get more specific, only to say the college rhymes with Muniversity of Schmoenix.

American casinos won $66.5 billion in 2023, the best year ever. “We’re due!” said compulsive gamblers.

A woman claims her family suffered food poisoning after eating a cake that her 8-year-old daughter made in an Easy Bake Oven. The family recovered, but the child is devastated by her parents’ Yelp! reviews.

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Advocates for the disabled say that Spirit Airlines is leading the way with wide aisles and wheelchair-accessible lavatories. Fully-abled passengers aren’t as happy, since Spirit keeps putting wheelchair passengers in window seats.

Alanis Morissette said she’s going through early stages of menopause while breastfeeding. The hot flashes are so bad, her baby has to blow on the milk.

ESPN apologized for an on-air graphic shown during the NFL Draft. As the Cincinnati Bengals selected WR Tee Higgins, the graphic read that Higgins’ mom fought drug addiction for 16 years.  The New York Giants then selected Tee Higgins’ mom.

A family dog in North Carolina tested positive for coronavirus. The dog’s owners said the saddest part is watching the dog wear a mask and try to lick his own balls. [Story h/t to Michael P.]

Donald Trump plans to force meat processing plants to reopen with new restrictions to protect workers. Trump said he’ll require the hogs to line up six feet apart.

Kim Kardashian has accepted the ‘All In Challenge’ – it’s her biggest All-In Challenge since filming one with Ray J.

ABC reporter Will Reeve went viral for delivering an on-air report for Good Morning America fully dressed above the waist, but wearing no pants. In the morning news business, this is what’s known as a ‘Kathie Lee Gifford’.

The United States now has its 1 Millionth Coronavirus patient, but they were coughing too much to notice all the prizes they won.

An asteroid a mile wide will pass by Earth on April 29th but will not collide with it due to interstellar distancing.

Oprah Winfrey will deliver a virtual Commencement Address via Facebook on May 15th, but Las Vegas casinos are refusing to pay off million-to-one prop bets that Oprah would speak at the University of Phoenix graduation.