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The Louvre museum may move the Mona Lisa to an underground room. She can come back upstairs once she’s ready to behave.

Self-driving tractor trailers will be on U.S. highways in late 2024, just as soon as they can recognize children making the bent-arm honk-your-horn gesture.

Walmart will close all 51 of its health care clinics in six states, citing financial losses, and a string of lawsuits from women claiming stockboys were offering pelvic exams.

An inflatable rescue slide flew off a Delta jet during takeoff from New York’s Kennedy Airport, landing in Queens and saving a family a few hundred bucks they would’ve spent renting a bounce house.

NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell is considering moving the Super Bowl to the Sunday before President’s Day to make it a 3-day weekend. Or, just moving MLK Day to the day after the Super Bowl since it’s too close to New Year’s Day anyway.

The Kansas City Chiefs made Travis Kelce the highest paid tight end in NFL history with a 2-year $34 million contract extension. Meanwhile Taylor Swift earned $50 million from The Tortured Poets Department in 2 minutes, 34 seconds.

Donald Trump was found in contempt of court and fined $9,000 for violating his hush-money trial gag order nine times. Trump then told the court he can’t find a bond company to loan him the $9,000.

Trump will be allowed to attend his son Barron’s high school graduation by the judge in his hush money trial. However, he was blocked from giving the valedictorian’s speech.

The company owning Family Dollar & Dollar Tree will close 1,000 stores, with customers lined up outside of the locations for Going Out Of Business sales promising markdowns to 98 cents.

An Oklahoma man was arrested after going to a Starbucks drive-thru naked on multiple occasions “to see the pretty girls who work there”. The baristas said he’d switched to iced coffee after repeated burns to his lower body.

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The NBA fined Boston Celtics Kyrie Irving $25,000 for yelling “suck my d*ck” at a Philadelphia 76ers fan asking him “Where’s Lebron?” after the Celtics win in Philly. Irving is scheduled to meet with NBA officials who plan to help him with better comebacks.

Researchers in Paris are investigating whether a newly-discovered sketch – which they’re calling Nude Mona Lisa – is the work of Leonardo Da Vinci, or the work of 6th graders who drew bare boobs on the original.

Crowdfunding site WePay shut down a fundraiser started to assist recreational marijuana growers whose farms were lost to California wildfires. The growers then started new online fundraisers, presumably to help them pay for joint replacement procedures.

President Trump disputed Gold Star widow Myeshia Johnson’s claims that Trump did not know her deceased husband’s name when he placed a condolence phone call to her. Trump said he had a ‘very respectful’ call with Sergeant’s wife.

An unsent letter recovered from the body of a passenger on the Titanic sold at auction for $166,000. The letter from a first class passenger reads “My dear Mother. We had good weather while we were in London. This boat is giant in size, but could really use a place for us to swim.”

Several grocery store chains including Meijer, Whole Foods & Albertsons are recalling fresh vegetables distributed by Mann Packaging for possible listeria contamination. The packages mainly contain broccoli and asparagus; concerned parents are calling a free hotline to ask if their kids can contract listeria by staring at the tainted veggies.

Jambalaya served at a Louisiana fundraiser is being blamed for making 49 people sick with salmonella, with the bad publicity causing a delay in Popeye’s launch of its new Jambanella.

The National Wildlife Federation is encouraging Americans not to rake dead leaves in their yard, saying the leaves provide homes for beneficial insects and butterflies. The advice was hailed by the 12 year-old keynote speaker at the National Video Game Association conference.

Celebrity chef Guy Fieri is cooking meals in the parking lot of the Veterans War Memorial in Sonoma for families displaced by California wildfires. Said one diner at Fieri’s pop-up kitchen: “Flavortown tastes burnt.”

President Trump assured Americans that his tax reform plans will not impact 401(k) savings plans, saying that all four hundred and one of them will be left alone.