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After a man shot several people at a party in Fort Worth, Texas, partygoers defended themselves by throwing garden stones at the shooter, killing him. The police report lists the witnesses as Stoner 1, Stoner 2, Stoner 3…

Actress Busy Philipps says her daughter, Birdie, has been cast in a non-binary acting role for a new Amazon Prime series. Since she’s non-binary, she’ll be paid a full salary some days, and 72% of the salary on other days.

The Mayor of Orange County, Florida – home to Disney World – said they’re in ‘crisis mode’ because of a surge in Delta Variant COVID cases. It’s so bad, It’s A Small World is even smaller because of the hospitalization of singing child robots.

The Congressional Investigative Committee on the January 6th Riots kicked off Tuesday, with testimony from the Capitol Police force – requiring a 50% increase in the daily donut delivery to the House of Representatives.

Britney Spears officially petitioned for a new conservator to replace her father, although her new attorneys are attempting to persuade her out of her first choice, Santa Claus.

Naomi Osaka was eliminated in the third round of the Tokyo Olympics tennis competition, in the most Japanese sports headline ever.

The NCAA’s Southeast Conference is meeting to discuss adding the Texas Longhorns and Oklahoma Sooners athletic programs. Discussion is expected to center on money, and whether the conference grade point average could possibly go any lower.

The CDC plans to recommend everyone in a school setting from grades Kindergarten through 12 wear a mask. They’re also recommending younger kids and teachers learn the phrase “I REALLY need to use the bathroom” in sign language.

Campbell’s Soup cans are getting their first redesign in 50 years, with the Campbell’s name getting a “modernized logo structure” and “mm mm good” replaced by “not just for geezers”.

Some U.S. airports are running out of fuel for planes. As a result, Spirit Airlines will charge passengers an extra $49 if they don’t help push-start jets toward the runway.

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Grand Funk Railroad announced its summer tour, with special guests Little River Band and Blue Oyster Cult. Tickets are available by calling 1977.

A 9-year-old Utah girl and her 4-year-old sister wanted to swim in the ocean, so they drove the family car nearly 10 miles before getting into an accident. The 9-year-old also threatened to turn the car around and go back home if the 4-year-old kept asking for bathroom stops.

The defending NBA champion Los Angeles Lakers were eliminated in the first round of the playoffs by the Phoenix Suns. Lakers star Lebron James announced he’s “taking his talents to Miami” for a beach vacation.

A pop-up shop in San Francisco features robots that paint fingernails for $8. The shop was closed temporarily when a woman shoved her foot in the machine and the robot blacked out.

An Australian woman claims to have contracted ‘foreign accent syndrome’, when she mysteriously acquired an Irish accent after awaking from a tonsillectomy. She also can no longer move her arms when she dances.

Tennis star Naomi Osaka, who withdrew from the French Open citing depression and anxiety, was named the world’s 12th highest-paid athlete, earning $77 million in 2020. Other athletes are also depressed – that they don’t make nearly as much.

Baseball’s Cleveland Indians have narrowed down the list of new team names. Owner Paul Dolan said the team is looking to distance itself from the current name, so they’ll only consider non-Native American ethnic slurs.

Out Leadership, a business advisory firm focused on inclusiveness, ranked the 50 U.S. states for LGBTQ+ inclusivity. New York finished first, South Carolina finished last, and Mississippi was omitted because they couldn’t spell LGBTQ.

More than a dozen U.S. cities are exploring minimal or zero police presence responding to “mental health” 911 calls. Behavioral experts say they’re perfectly capable of shooting mentally impaired people themselves.

‘RuPaul’s Drag Race’ star Widow Von’Du was arrested for assault after allegedly beating up a man who refused to leave her apartment, leaving him with 14 stitches on his face & head. Von’Du is now the betting favorite to win ‘RuPaul’s Summer Slam’.

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The WNBA New York Liberty waived Layshia Clarendon, the league’s first trans & non-binary player. After being claimed off waivers, Clarendon now identifies as a Minnesota Lynx.

Fans have been banned for dumping popcorn, throwing a water bottle, and spitting on, players in Washington, Philadelphia and New York. The fans explained they behaved this way at NBA Playoff games because they couldn’t get NHL Playoff tickets.

Ben & Jerry’s still have not introduced their new CBD-infused ice cream. They say more consumer education is needed to keep people from trying to smoke it.

Kate Winslet said she told the director not to edit out her bulging belly during a sex scene in HBO series Mare Of Easttown. She also told the director not to listen to her male co-star, who asked for a 24-year-old body double for the scene.

Pope Francis has rewritten Catholic Church law regarding sexual abuse, insisting bishops take immediate action against priests who abuse minors and vulnerable adults. This replaces the Church’s existing ‘Twenty Strikes” rule for sex abuse.

China wants couples to have more kids. The government had restricted families to one child, but expanded that to three, saying all those iPhones and iPads aren’t going to build themselves.

World #2 tennis player Naomi Osaka withdrew from the French Open, citing anxiety and depression. Osaka plans to work through her faults.

UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson says he sees no evidence why England can’t reopen in June. Residents are excited to dine on terrible British food in restaurants so they don’t have to make it for themselves at home.

Tiger Woods said rehab from leg injuries suffered in a car crash is “more painful than anything I’ve ever experienced….including gonorrhea”.

A baseball player in the Dominican Republic was banned for life after attacking a home plate umpire with his bat and batting helmet. The player went 1-for-2, hitting the ump with the bat, but missing with the thrown helmet.