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Anthropologie stores recalled some of their candles because they pose a fire risk. They’re offering a full refund, and training for customers to help them understand how candles work.

Victoria’s Secret hired their first lingerie model with Down Syndrome. A company spokesperson said they didn’t notice, they just wanted 36Cs.

Los Angeles Rams quarterback Matthew Stafford turned his back as a photographer fell off a stage during a Super Bowl victory ceremony, doing nothing. Stafford later claimed he looked away from her because she took the wrong route and wasn’t open.

Apple said its Face ID security for iPhones will soon work while you’re wearing a mask. It requires you to draw a really good picture of your nose and mouth on your mask.

Former supermodel Linda Evangelista shared the first photos of her body since claiming it was irreparably damaged by a Coolsculpting fat-removal procedure. The pics appear in People magazine, and the Sports Illustrated Bathrobe Issue.

Russian figure skater Kamila Valieva failed to medal in the Olympic women’s individual competition after falling several times in her long program, because she failed to take her grandfather’s vertigo medication.

Disney is building a planned community in Palm Springs, California, where residents will be participants in “stories”. Deposits have already been received from registered sex offenders looking to buy a home on Donald Duck Lane and not wear pants.

The new USFL football league will hold a player draft next week, or as soon as players at the NFL Combine fail their drug tests.

NASA’s Perseverance rover marked its first anniversary on Mars, declining the $99 cabin filter change at Martian Jiffy Lube.

Phil Mickelson is said to be interested in a controversial breakaway Saudi Arabian golf league to compete with the PGA – where ‘making the cut’, ironically, means you avoid beheading.

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The 1990s murder-for-hire of a New Jersey woman by her husband – the leader of a synagogue – has been made into a musical A Wicked Soul In Cherry Hill, upsetting the Jewish community. The play’s original title was Can’t Rabbi Me Love.

United Airlines said no passengers were hurt when a jet landing at Washington DC’s Reagan Airport blew out two tires. Although passengers were angry when AAA said they’d take two hours to arrive and fix it.

Sarah Palin lost her defamation lawsuit against the New York Times. Things didn’t look good when the jury sent the judge a note asking if it was possible to defame an imbecile.

Prince Andrew reached an out-of-court financial settlement in a sexual assault case brought by a woman who met him through Jeffrey Epstein when she was underage. Amounts were not disclosed, but it’s believed to equal the cost of lots of massages.

Gymnast Simone Biles got engaged to Houston Texans football player Jonathan Owens, who plans to give her the twisties on their honeymoon

Aerosmith frontman Steven Tyler opened Janie’s House, a home for abused women, named after the song Janie’s Got A Gun, where a teen girl shoots her abusive father. Residents receive housing, occupational training and target practice.

President Biden will allow the January 6th Commission to review White House logs to see who visited Donald Trump on the day of the riots, other than the usual visits from the spray tan lady and the Grubhub Big Mac guy.

Libya held the first-ever beauty pageant for chickens. But the big winner is the woman who got rich sewing all the evening gowns & swimsuits.

Russian skater Kamila Valieva said she tested positive for a banned substance because she mistakenly took her grandfather’s medication. Valieva also said taking her grandfather’s medication made it difficult to skate because of her huge boner.

Pregnant inmates in a Pennsylvania state prison trial program will be permitted access to doula services. A doula provides physical & emotional support to women before, during & after childbirth – and also keeps lookout when the inmates want to hook up with the guards again.

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Researchers at the University of Cambridge found face masks made from pantyhose to be highly effective in the prevention of COVID-19. The study noted the low incidence of COVID infections in bank robbers and perverts.

Mayor Craig Shubert of Hudson, Ohio resigned a week after a meeting in which he said allowing ice fishing in the town “could lead to prostitution”. Ironically, following his resignation, three prostitutes drowned while working glory holes beneath the lake.

15-year-old Russian figure skater Kamila Valieva will be allowed to compete in remaining women’s Olympic events despite testing positive for a banned substance, and also testing positive for testicles.

Mazars USA, accounting firm for the Trump Organization, recanted the accuracy of statements they prepared for the last decade, saying they “should no longer be relied upon”, after auditors reviewed an inventory of Trump assets and only saw the word “lots”.

The Catholic Church invalidated baptisms performed by a Phoenix priest for twenty years because the priest used “we” instead of “I” during the ceremonies. “What?! Those boys I molested WEREN’T baptized?” said other Phoenix-area priests.

New York City fired 1,430 municipal workers for failure to comply with a vaccine mandate. Then they immediately posted hiring notices for 1,430 new employees to watch other people do work.

An AirAsia flight between Malaysian cities was rerouted after passengers saw a snake on board the plane. They decided to land the plane after flight attendants repeatedly tried, and failed, to duct tape it to a seat.

Virgin Galactic started accepting $150,000 deposits for space tourism flights. Although it costs an extra $75,000 for a window seat.

Khloe Kardashian revealed that Pete Davidson sent her flowers for Valentine’s Day. The card read “don’t tell your sister about Friday night”.

A bird flu outbreak at a Tyson chicken farm in Kentucky means that 240,000 birds may be killed. They’d be killed anyway, but they’ll be moved from the ‘grocery store’ group to the ‘McNuggets’ group.