Donald Trump still hasn’t been arrested, as cops continue to look for a pair of handcuffs tiny enough.
Rapper Tekashi 6ix9ine was hospitalized after being beat up by several men while in the sauna of a Florida gym. An arrest warrant was issued for three sweaty gang members clad in towels with healthy, wide-open pores.
Cobresol Argentina goalkeeper Leandro Requena scored a goal on a 101-meter kick, the longest goal ever recorded in international competition. The opposing goalkeeper admitted he’d fallen asleep watching soccer.
Americans will soon be able to buy Good Meat – chicken meat grown in a lab. Asked if customers will eat chicken made in a lab, Good Meat’s CEO pointed out that the U.S. already consumes billions of McNuggets.
Two escaped inmates from a Newport News, Virginia prison were apprehended at a nearby IHOP a short time later. Their server notified police after the two ordered the Rooty Tooty Fugitive Fresh & Fruity pancakes.
Hyejeong Shin, a 29-year-old woman who enrolled at a New Jersey high school with a fake birth certificate before being discovered, told a judge she was lonely and missed having friendships. She’s currently awaiting sentencing and deciding between three promposals.
A new study claims the combined weight of the world’s wild mammals is just 10% of humans. Researchers believe animal populations need to grow by climate action, and animals need to grow with greater jungle access to Arby’s,
Nevada’s Chicken Ranch brothel welcomed new Las Vegas Raiders quarterback Jimmy Garoppolo by offering him “free sex for life”. The Raiders, who recently traded All-Pro Darren Waller, happen to need tight ends for Garoppolo.
A 53-year-old man who cracked his own neck to avoid chiropractor bills claims doing so caused him to go blind. He’s concerned he’ll no longer be able to continue his job as a chiropractor.
The Writers Guild of America has proposed allowing artificial intelligence programs like ChatGPT to write scripts for movies and tv. Saying a computer program can’t possibly write jokes worse than the ones on ‘Lopez vs Lopez’.