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A hazmat crew was called to a daycare center in Allentown, Pennsylvania. The specifics weren’t given, but it’s believed someone tried sterilizing a Diaper Genie in the microwave.

ATM crime is up 600% since 2019. And that’s not even counting the dumber robbers who attempt their thefts by passing the ATM a note.

An Alabama library flagged as ‘inappropriate’ a children’s book, Read Me A Story, Stella because the author’s name is Mary-Louise Gay. In the book, Stella tells her daughter about the time she hooked up at a swinger’s club.

Jada Pinkett Smith said Chris Rock asked her out on a date years ago, amidst rumors she & Will Smith had divorced. Jada declined, which was a real slap in the face.

A fired ‘60 Minutes‘ producer, Alexandra Poolos, filed a sexual harassment lawsuit against CBS News, claiming show correspondent Lesley Stahl asked if she’d be willing to “use her body to get stories”. Stahl, who’s 81, said hers isn’t exactly moving the ol’ needle anymore.

The NFL Buffalo Bills fired General Counsel Kathryn D’Angelo and her boss, COO John Roth, for a “brazen” office romantic relationship which came to a head on the team’s recent trip to London, where both Roth & D’Angelo were seen working out the tight ends.

Social Security recipients will receive a 3.2% cost-of-living increase in 2024, down sharply from 8.7% in 2023. Seniors are expected to cut back on their high-rolling lifestyles of new Skechers and name-brand soup.

For the second time this year, the lone winning ticket for a record Powerball jackpot was sold to some lucky f***ing a**hole in California.

A bus carrying Philadelphia seniors to an adult daycare center was repeatedly struck by bullets during a shootout between police and criminals. Fortunately, just about everyone on the bus was prepared for shitting their pants.

Former golfer-turned-influencer Paige Spiranac released a steamy 2024 photo calendar. Disappointed buyers are calling it the ‘dogleg’ calendar because you can’t see any of the holes.

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Disney will donate $1 million from the sale of character-themed facemasks during the pandemic, and will keep the other $100 million.

North American bee populations are threatened by Asian Giant ‘Murder’ Hornets that invade hives and decapitate bees – not to be confused with hornets that decapitate bees by accident, known as Manslaughter Hornets.

United, JetBlue & Delta will require all passengers to wear masks, but will remove people who try prying theirs out of the compartment over their seat.

Former LPGA golfer Paige Spiranac says her 34DD breasts are real, and that they help her golf game by keeping her arms in touch with her body during her swing. Male golfers seeking to improve their game are inquiring about implants.

‘Clueless’ actress Stacey Dash, who recently announced she’ll divorce her fourth husband, is selling videos for $50 on Cameo. For $60, you can get engaged to her.

Mark Cuban said if he had to start a ‘side hustle’ to make extra money, he’d code commands for digital assistants like Alexa, Siri & Google. Then he remembered he has several billion reasons not to.

Experts say the checkout area is the most dangerous place in grocery stores during the coronavirus pandemic – ending the 70-year reign at the top for the public restrooms.

Tiger Woods said running over 30 miles a week when he was younger “pretty much destroyed” his body. Porn stars and bar hostesses say their younger bodies were pretty much destroyed by Tiger Woods.

Pennsylvania is no longer the top-producing state for craft beer, ceding the honor to California. However, thanks to Coors Light, Colorado remains the top-producing state for crap beer.

A mom shares video where she tells her kids she’s buying them drinks at a Starbucks drive-thru, but orders them water and mixes it with Kool-Aid. It worked once, but the kids knew they were being tricked when their names weren’t misspelled on the cup.