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For the first time, the NCAA announced that they’ll provide payments to university athletes. Men’s football & basketball athletes were disappointed to lear that the payments will be delivered by direct deposit, and not prostitutes.

Doctors have developed a new blood test to detect colon cancer. They draw blood, and a dog sniffs it.

For the first time since the Francis Scott Key Bridge collapsed, cruise ships are departing from Baltimore’s harbor. To honor the tragedy, 21 Carnival Cruise ship passengers vomited over the side of their ship as it departed.

Nicki Minaj was arrested at Amsterdam airport on a drug possession charge – rebooting the old ‘Oprah smuggling 50 pounds of crack’ joke.

America’s tallest water slide, Rise Of Icarus, opened at Mt Olympus Water Park in Wisconsin. It’s 145 feet tall, and is staffed by technicians trained to use the Jaws of Life to extract swimsuits from butt cracks.

A 11-year-old fifth grader raised $7,200 to pay off the lunch debt owed by all children at his school. His next mission is to raise money to pay the hospital bills for all of the kids who ate the salisbury steak.

A new study finds couples who drink together live longer – since it helps them forget what makes them angry at each other.

Scientists discovered a potential link between tattoos and blood cancer. They urge people not to get a new tattoo to commemorate their battle with blood cancer.

Pope Francis allegedly commented on gay men not being allowed to train for the priesthood in seminary because there’s already enough ‘f*ggotry’ taking place. His peers were surprised by the language, but admitted the dude makes a fair point.

Bruce Springsteen cancelled concerts after losing his voice. He was sent best wishes by Bob Dylan and Motley Crue’s Vince Neil, who also lost their voice but continue to perform anyway.

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Leaked information reveals creators of popular children’s cartoon Bluey – about a family of Australian dogs – will not produce new episodes, and the show has crossed the Rainbow Bridge.

Tinder announced a new feature ‘Share My Date’ – which lets users give details about their dating plans to friends & family for safety. Although they advise just sharing names & locations, and not what you’re planning to do the first night you meet someone.

A British man ran a mile in a swimming pool in 35 minutes, 24 seconds, establishing an unoffiicial world record. He was then kicked off the high school swim team for delaying the meet by 35 minutes, 24 seconds.

Federal officials announced plans to update nutrition standards for public school meals — as school lunch ladies frantically try to use up their salisbury steaks before the government outlaws them.

Harvey Weinstein’s sexual assault conviction in New York was overturned by the state’s Supreme Court. Weinstein is now a free man for the duration of the flight to California, where his conviction there will allow him to die in a west coast prison.

Tiger Woods’ 15-year-old son Charlie will attempt to qualify for the U.S. Open. He’ll also try to follow in his father’s footsteps by qualifying for a tryst with a Perkins Pancake House hostess.

The makers of Scrabble introduced Scrabble Together – a new version of the game intended to reduce conflict and make gameplay more inclusive. Players can now arrange any letters they want on the board and declare that it identifies as a word.

Actress Rebel Wilson’s book ‘Rebel Rising’ was released, but UK versions redact abuse claims about actor Sacha Baron Cohen because they were allegedly proven false. Printing untruths is a crime in the UK, which is why it’s hard to find any of Donald Trump’s books there.

A Florida golden retriever gave birth to Shamrock, a puppy with lime green fur. The mother dog denies having an affair with a monitor lizard.

Jon Bon Jovi admits he “hasn’t been a saint” throughout his 34-year marriage to wife Dorothea – referencing affairs, and making her watch his acting auditions.