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Kevin Costner’s estranged wife Christine Baumgartner said she’ll “enter the workforce” because $130,000/month in child support from Costner is insufficient. Although, at 49, with 3 teenagers, it’s unclear if she can get a nanny job to break up some other rich guy’s marriage.

An Italian water taxi company banned Kanye West and wife Bianca after images surfaced of her giving him oral sex on one of their vessels, and redefining “motorboating” in the process.

Transgender teacher Kayla Lemieux, famous for her prosthetic Z-cup breasts, has ditched them and now teaches under a given male name, Kerry Luc. No reason was given but it’s believed the Z-cup boobs kept them from reaching the chalkboard.

Spectrum, the 2nd-largest cable provider in the U.S., has dropped Disney-owned channels like ABC and ESPN – wreaking havoc on sports fans, and on senior women who are frantically trying to learn how to rig antennas so they don’t miss The Golden Bachelor.

China banned government officials from using iPhones – disappointing their grandchildren, who worked really hard building them.

Federal safety regulators are considering recalling 52 million vehicles for defective airbags. Auto makers are asking to wait until after winter, when icy roads will take the number down to about 48 milion.

The CDC is launching a new ad campaign for flu shots, saying they won’t prevent the flu, but will take it from Wild To Mild. They were promptly issued a cease & desist by the makers of KY lubricant, who promise to take the evening from Mild To Wild.

An Anchorage, Alaska couple whose house collapsed into a swollen river during a flood in early August were reunited with their cat, who’d escaped. They hugged Leo the cat, who promptly bit them and demanded something to eat before a nap.

Mark-Paul Gosselaar – Zack Morris on Saved By The Bell – joined the Pod Meets World podcast to discuss episodes that couldn’t be filmed today, like a scheme charging classmates $1 to kiss Lisa Turtle without her consent. He said an earlier version of the script contained ways for Lisa to earn $50 at a time.

Gen Z women are ditching tampons and pads and embracing “free bleeding” during their periods. They consider it “freeing”, and also a great way to convince their bosses to let them keep working from home.

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Microsoft announced they’re closing all 83 of their retail stores. Details are coming on a Black Screen Of Death sale.

Donald Trump retweeted a video from a Florida retirement community with a man in a golf cart yelling “white power”. Trump deleted the tweet, explaining the guy didn’t yell it loud enough.

Mötley Crüe drummer Tommy Lee got new face tattoos – the largest being two Japanese kanji characters on his right cheek. He offered no explanation but they translate roughly to Maury Clue.

Navigation app Waze updated its logo and graphics, including “moods” that drivers can share, including “mad”, “sick”, “flying” and “oops I just rear-ended somebody while picking a mood”.

Saved By The Bell’s Dustin ‘Screech’ Diamond is behind $269,000 in payments on his house in Wisconsin, and Wells Fargo bank plans to foreclose. His costars rallied around him, pledging him all the royalties received from Zack Attack record sales and airplay.

The New England Patriots were fined $1.1 million and will forfeit a 2021 draft pick for illegally filming a Bengals/Browns game. The Patriots may appeal, saying having an employee watch a Bengals/Browns game was punishment enough.

Costco announced their bakery department will no longer sell $20 sheet cakes. They made the announcement by writing it in frosting on the top of a round cake.

60,000 pounds of chicken nuggets are being recalled because they may be contaminated with rubber. McDonald’s issued a statement saying none of their nuggets are affected, they just taste like it.

Scientists say they’ve used a single injection to edit genes in monkeys that put them at the greatest risk of heart disease. They were able to vaccinate the unhealthy monkeys after they fell asleep after drinking beer and eating french fries while watching NASCAR.

Pharma company Gilead said they’ll charge $3,120 for a single treatment of COVID-19 drug Remdesivir. But ask your pharmacist about a coupon where you can save $5.

 

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Actor Dustin Diamond – ‘Screech’ – said his ‘Saved By The Bell’ character should be included in the show’s current reboot. Since he’s already trashed every costar from the original show and made a video of himself naked,  it would be just like high school.

The Dow Jones Industrial average cratered 900 points at the open on Monday, reflecting concerns about the COVID-19 virus on the global economy. In other news, Princess Cruise Lines announced rock-bottom rates on their Going Out Of Business Voyage.

A 62-year-old former Marine broke the Guinness World Record by holding a plank position for 8 hours, 15 minutes and 15 seconds. He was awarded a medal, then a hazmat team burned his shorts and workout mat.

Donald Trump visited India, where he was welcomed at a gala event, then chased out of it for sneaking in and eating sacred Big Macs.

A woman claims she performed oral sex on Cleveland Browns QB Baker Mayfield in a Cheesecake Factory parking lot. Mayfield decided on the sex act after spending 15 minutes looking through her 25-page menu.

Iconic mascot Phillie Phanatic debuted a new look on Sunday – sporting bushier, bluer eyebrows, a blue tail and new sneakers. The team denied the Phanatic received Photox.

A consumer group has 45,000 signatures on a petition demanding that airlines sit families with small children together without paying for seat assignments. Airlines are considering it, but may need to make up lost revenue with ‘crying baby fines’.

California police are investigating a man who drove a Jeep off of a six-story parking garage and crashed it into a neighboring McDonald’s – creating the first-ever “fly thru” window.

A 20-year-old woman and her boyfriend are accused of killing three of their roommates in an argument over rent. A fourth roommate reportedly escaped before they started discussing the cable bill.

Marvel is rumored to be taking over longtime rival DC Comics, after DC parent company AT&T/Warner Bros. objected to a planned fifth-generation “5G” reboot of classic characters. Specifically, a comic where Bruce Wayne switches all of the Wayne Manor & Batcave phones to Verizon 5G.