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Gaston Glock, inventor of the Glock handgun, died. The family is currently auditioning 750 different rappers to deliver the eulogy.

Boeing is calling for inspections of its 737 Max jets for possible ‘loose bolts’. They’re also urging inspection of the entire Spirit Airlines fleet for “being 50 years old”.

A Tesla robot injured a human employee at the company’s Texas factory, clawing his back and drawing blood. The robot has since been recruited away to motivate workers at an Amazon warehouse.

Bethenny Frankel said she was searched at LAX after her vagina triggered an airport metal detector. She added that no metal was found, just her neck pillow and another carry-on bag.

BlendJet portable blenders were recalled by the Consumer Product Safety Commission because their blades could break and the motor could catch fire – giving everyone who got them as Christmas gifts two more terrific reasons to return them.

Meadow Walker, daughter of late actor Paul Walker, announced she and her husband are amicably divorcing after marrying in 2021. While the marriage was fast, neither are furious.

A 3-year-old video from Celebrity Apprentice staffer Noel Casler claims Donald Trump wears diapers and that he’s incontinent from drug use, explaining other recent claims that Trump smells bad. Trump disputed claims of his incontinence, saying he’s always lived in North America.

Powerful 20-foot waves along the California shore are breaching seawalls and damaging buildings along the coastline. So far over a dozen surfer dudes have been pulled out of third-floor windows because it’s, like, soooooo gnarly.

Sephora customers are posting TikTok videos saying they’ve stopped using Sol de Janeiro body butter because it attracts spiders. Experts dispute this, but the spiders say that body butter improves the taste of flies.

Natalie Reynolds, an influencer, wore body-painted leggings over a bikini bottom to a California gym. Commenters debated the appropriateness of her body-painted bottoms, while other gym members were angry at having to wipe down machines with turpentine after she used them.

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McDonald’s shut down restaurants in Russia, citing the “needless human suffering” of people eating at McDonald’s in Russia.

A new study links concussions in young people to ongoing mental health issues – proving that parents really are slapping their kids silly.

Charles Entenmann, founder of Entenmanns Bakery, died at age 92. He’ll either be cremated, or baked at 350 degrees until a toothpick comes out clean.

Memphis police say a man disguised himself as a Walmart employee and loaded stolen TVs into accomplice’s vehicles. A store manager knew something was wrong when he saw what appeared to be a Walmart employee actually assisting a customer.

As deaths from COVID approach 1 million in the U.S., some are advocating for a COVID Memorial Day. It would be like the other Memorial Day, but honoring mostly dopes who were scared of needles.

Kohl’s is adding Sephora mini-shops to 75% of its stores, but management warned investors to be patient, saying Sephora can only sell makeup to Kohl’s shopper-moms, not miracles.

North Korea’s Kim Jong Un warned of “grave consequences” after senior officials were fired for failing to enforce the nation’s strict COVID prevention guidelines. The officials said they couldn’t handle the surge in COVID-positive residents because they ran out of bullets.

A former Texas “Teacher Of The Year” – fired for showing students a picture of her female fiance – settled a lawsuit with her former school district for $100,000. The kids each received $10,000 because the fiance isn’t very cute.

The U.S. Senate passed a bill overhauling the United States Postal Service – which was then delivered by a Post Office letter carrier to the Lincoln Memorial instead of the House of Representatives.

Uber Eats announced new ‘Group Ordering’ and ‘Bill Splitting’ features, allowing multiple people to stiff the driver on their tip.