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Kanye West applied to trademark Yeezy Cosmetics. He wanted to call them Kanye Cosmetics, but sister-in-law Kylie Jenner objected, saying Kylie Cosmetics customers would be confused because “Kylie” and “Kanye” are spelled the same.

Peloton will now allow users to register as nonbinary, but they’ll still kinda know depending on who hurts themselves sitting too hard on the bicycle seat.

Scientists say clothes will last longest using the shortest, coldest washing machine cycle. The exception being men’s white briefs, which should be thrown in the garbage.

Some Florida bars are closing for a second time, just a week after reopening. They made the decision after many customers got the 2-for-1 Special – free coronavirus, in addition to the usual chlamydia.

Some airlines are banning alcohol on planes in response to COVID-19, after multiple drunks almost choked to death puking in to their masks.

A new feature allows iPhone owners to say “Siri I’m getting pulled over” to start recording an interaction with police. It activates the video camera and stabilizes the image while you’re being harassed and beaten.

Country group Lady A – formerly Lady Antebellum – said they will keep their new name after conversations with a Seattle singer who’s called herself Lady A for 20 years. Seattle’s Lady A will begin calling herself The Artist Formerly Known As Prince.

USA Today published a list of 100 things its readers can do to help fight racism. First on their list is “learn to read”.

A generic steroid, dexamethasone, has been found to reduce mortality in patients with severe COVID-19 infections. Post recovery, they also hit 33% more home runs.

New Jersey is expanding a program to place power-generating wind turbines off the Jersey Shore. They expect the program to generate hundreds of jobs, and the turbines to blow dozens of mob-boss corpses on to shore beaches.

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A command for iPhones “Siri I’m getting pulled over” reportedly video records police and texts a contact to let them know what’s happening. Siri then gives tips on where to hide your drugs and directions for the upcoming high-speed chase.

Referees in Monday’s Steelers/Dolphins game took ten minutes to review a coaches challenge of an apparent first down. They said it took so long because as they reviewed video, they switched channels to see who was eliminated on Dancing With The Stars.

O.J. Simpson said the 2-5 Cleveland Browns should hire University of Michigan coach Jim Harbaugh to replace their current head coach Freddie Kitchens after they stab Kitchens to death.

Politicians criticized the Washington crowd at the World Series for booing and chanting “lock him up” at President Trump. A fan etiquette expert from Philadelphia said the proper behavior was to throw batteries or, if seated close enough to the President, vomit on him.

KMart in Australia pulled a children’s ‘Bride’ Halloween costume from its shelves after protests from parents. They say the costumes will either be destroyed, or shipped to Mississippi at the request of multiple wedding planners.

Actor/wrestler John Cena said that his dating philosophy isn’t ‘gender specific’ – that he’s willing to date both women and girls.

Caitlyn Jenner turned 70, but says she feels like a five-year-old woman.

Apple released iOS 13.2, including 398 new emoji, making it even easier for you to give up looking for the one you want.

Juul is eliminating 500 jobs. Impacted employees waiting to hear about their severance packages are being told “vape ’em if you got ’em.”

Director Olivia Wilde criticized Delta Airlines for showing an in-flight version of her film ‘Booksmart’ that edited out girls kissing and the word lesbian. A Delta spokesperson said the move was to distract people from the rest of the awful Delta inflight experience.