Texas Senator Ted Cruz was booed, flipped off, and pelted with beer cans while riding in the Houston Astros World Series victory parade. He then returned home where he was booed, flipped off and pelted with beer cans.
Today is Election Day. Later this week doctors will diagnose a record number of patients with carpal tunnel syndrome from overusing the Mute button on their tv remotes.
Monday night’s record $1.9 billion Powerball lottery drawing was delayed because of a ‘technical issue’. The blonde model announcing the numbers thought something was missing, so she threw a paddle in with the ping-pong balls.
Powerball likely won’t be settled on Election Day, because state lottery commissions have to wait and count mail-in entries.
The NHL Boston Bruins have cut ties with Mitchell Miller, a defense prospect who bullied a developmentally challenged black boy when he was 14. There’s that, and he’s also not great at blocking shots or fighting.
Disney World and Universal Studios Orlando theme parks are under a state of emergency with the approach of Subtropical Storm Nicole. Guests at Disney & Universal are asked to keep their ears and Spidey senses open, respectively.
Jeff Bezos is reportedly interested in purchasing the NFL’s Washington Commanders. Although players say they’re worried about the 10-hour practices and having to piss in Gatorade bottles.
A Chicago high-school principal was suspended for posing with a student who dressed as Nazi soldier and gave a Nazi salute onstage during a Halloween costume contest. The principal defended his actions, saying he always takes a photo with the contest winner.
An Australian man is charged with physically assaulting the cleaner who interrupted his sexual encounter with a woman in a handicapped stall at a nightclub by repeatedly knocking on the stall door. The paraplegic waiting to use the stall called it ‘still kind of a mess’, but got through it okay.
Rappers Drake and 21 Savage are being sued by publisher Conde Nast for placing their photos on fake Vogue magazine covers to promote their new album. A spokesperson for Vogue says they never gave permission, but that they could still maybe get on the cover of Vogue if they each lost about fifty pounds.