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Customers are suing Burger King, claiming the meat in their Whopper isn’t as big as it appears in promotional photos. The customers say they got the idea from people lodging similar complaints on Grindr.

For a single day last week, wind turbines provided more electricity than coal & nuclear power combined in the United States. Unfortunately, thousands of the homes powered by the turbines were destroyed in the tornados.

In a new poll, 63% of Americans say Russian President Vladimir Putin “cannot remain in power”. In the same poll, 100% of Americans say they “don’t plan on doing anything about it”.

15-year-old Anna Leigh Waters is the youngest Pickleball champion in the U.S., having won five doubles titles with her mother, and splitting $25 in prize money.

The United States expanded sanctions against Russia, freezing the assets of Vladimir Putin’s two daughters. “Buddy, why didn’t you tell me you had daughters?” asked Donald Trump.

Cracker Jack will begin selling Cracker Jill. There are no nuts, and Jill keeps asking to exchange the prize in them.

Parents unplugged the Ring security camera in their 3-year-old boy’s bedroom after he claimed a voice from it asked him if he wants ice cream. Before being unplugged, the voice said it owed the kid ice cream because he danced naked like he’d been asked to.

April 7th is both National Burrito Day and National Beer Day. April 8th is unofficially National Sexual Abstinence Day, which officially starts after dinner on April 7th.

Google now lets users combine text and images when conducting online searches. So far, the top search query is clothed photos with the text ‘do you have this, only naked?’

Kenan Thompson and his wife are divorcing, but are not commenting about What’s Up With That?

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A North Carolina woman’s windshield was smashed when struck by a large catfish dropped by a bird.  The woman was not injured, but several of the bird’s friends were arrested on a highway overpass preparing to drop more catfish on passing cars.

Bill Cosby’s spokesman criticized Eddie Murphy’s joke about Cosby during his Saturday Night Live monologue, saying Cosby paved the way for other black entertainers. Cosby did not see the joke himself, but he pretty much can’t see anything these days.

‘Cats’ the movie opened to horrible reviews, garnering just 18% ‘fresh’ on Rotten Tomatoes. Theater workers also complained, saying they’ve never picked up such disgusting litter as they did cleaning up after Cats.

Two Carnival cruise ships collided in Cozumel, Mexico. Cleaning didn’t work, so one of the captains tried to knock the norovirus off his ship.

A drunken, incoherent fan crashed the postgame press conference of Philadelphia Eagles coach Doug Pederson. He was quickly taken away so the drunken, incoherent Philadelphia press could ask their questions.

Alaska Airlines blamed rampant delays on an unusual amount of baggage handlers calling in sick, and apologized for an “awful holiday travel experience”. Spirit Airlines called their own awful holiday travel experience “business as usual”.

A woman claims hundreds of pieces of tiny red glitter reading ‘Ho’ fell off wrapping paper she bought at Target, saying that her house has ‘Ho’s everywhere — just the latest instance of Hos making life hard for wrappers.

Jennifer Lopez told Business Insider that she limits her children’s ‘screen time’ each week. ‘Screen time’ is what JLo calls it when her kids are in the same room with her.

24 states and 48 cities will raise their minimum wage on January 1st, 2020. In response, Chipotle doubled avocado shipments to accommodate the newly-minted rich who can now pay a bit extra for guacamole.

Boeing’s CEO resigned amidst fallout from the company’s 737-MAX disaster. He told close friends the worst part was having to fly coach on the way home after.