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Researchers at Columbia University found stressed-out pregnant women are likelier to give birth to a girl. Men who want a son are advised to get a woman pregnant, then get lost.

The Paris Zoological Park is displaying a slimy organism, physarum polycephalum, that it calls “The Blob”. It’s a slimy bright-yellow organism that can heal itself and has 720 different sexes.  U.S. zoos may also display it, but will call it “Gender Fluid”.

Nickelodeon Universe – the U.S.’ largest indoor theme park – opens this week in East Rutherford, New Jersey. Employees are being trained to spot the difference between slime and vomit. [Story h/t to N.Y.]

Geno’s Steaks in Philadelphia debuted Whizzy, the first cheesesteak mascot. Whizzy was introduced, then taken into custody for beating up a child wearing a NY Rangers jersey. [Story h/t to about thirty different people in Philadelphia.]

Morganna The Kissing Bandit – buxom baseball fan who ran onto the playing field to kiss players – said she was arrested 19 times…and strip-searched over 100 times.

Donald Trump decided not to hold the G7 Summit at his Trump Doral Resort in Florida, amidst criticism from Democrats, Republicans, and international leaders who want to stay at Disney World.

Senator Mitt Romney admitted that Twitter handle “Pierre Delecto” – used to defend Romney and express his opinions – was Romney himself. The account raised suspicion because no one believed a gay-sounding French guy would live in Utah.

Miley Cyrus said on Instagram “you don’t have to be gay, there are good people with dicks out there, you just got to find them”. Her message totally inspired lonely straight women, while totally confusing gay men.

Rafael Nadal married his longtime girlfriend. They did it three times on their wedding night: Six love, six love, six love.

The University of Oklahoma’s ‘Sooner Schooner’ – a horse-drawn carriage that celebrates touchdowns – toppled and crashed on Saturday. The student drivers were O…K…. and officials said it was bound to happen Sooner or later.

 

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Chris Christie, in a new book, accuses Jared Kushner of a political “hit job” to oust him from possible Cabinet positions, as retaliation for Christie’s prosecution of Kushner’s father years earlier. The Guardian previewed the book, noting their advance review copy had gravy stains on it.

  • The book is titled ‘Let Me Finish’ after Christie’s favorite saying when his kids try talking to him during dinner.

YouTube is banning videos of dangerous pranks and challenges, directly resulting in the cancellation of fifty cable tv shows.

A Republican lawmaker in Missouri called pregnancies resulting from rape “God’s Silver Lining”, but only after her friend talked her out of calling it “God’s Plan B.”

Motorola is reportedly bringing back the Razr as a $1500 foldable smartphone, which is still a lot of money to spend on a phone in 2006.

Steve Carell will star in a new Netflix comedy, ‘Space Force’ — proving we live in a world where Trump’s dumb ideas are realized as multi-million dollar insults before they could ever find life as multi-billion dollar government failures.

University of Alabama QB Jalen Hurts announced he’s transferring to the University of Oklahoma. Hurts will play immediately, since he obtained his degree from Alabama in December, having completed the required curriculum of watching movies about college.

The Boston Globe reports the World Series Champion Boston Red Sox will visit the White House in mid-February. It’s unclear whether they’ll go inside to the dining room or just hit the drive-thru.

Amazon upgraded its Alexa voice assistant, so that if you ask Alexa to read out the latest news from today, her voice will sound like that of a professional newscaster- unless you ask her for sports news from Boston, Philly or New York, then her voice will sound like an annoying idiot.

The One Billion Oyster project is hoping to clean New York Harbor by repopulating it with oysterseach of which can purify up to 50 gallons of water a day before they’re harvested and eaten by New Yorkers who will vomit them back in to New York Harbor.

A mother giraffe gave birth to a calf at Disney World – horrifying families in attendance at the Princess Breakfast.