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Following a disappointing box office debut for ‘Birds of Prey’, Warner Bros. and DC Comics asked theaters to change the name to ‘Harley Quinn: Birds of Prey’. Apparently a different studio tried this a couple months ago with ‘Taylor Swift: Cats’, but she sued for $100 million to stop it.

UK reality tv star Cecilia Jastrzembska was arrested in Maldives for wearing a bikini near a mosque. She was held for an hour an a half until cops were able to correctly spell her last name.

Southwest Airlines, as part of standard preflight announcements, is now asking passengers to report ‘unwelcome behavior’. So far no passengers have reported unwelcome touching, but dozens have reported flight attendants for lousy jokes.

Google’s head of human resources is stepping down amidst employee tension over the right to protest, and after a series of terrible cakes purchased for employee birthday parties in the break room.

A New York deli is offering customers five seconds to grab free food if they can solve simple math problems. Some deli patrons are offering the deli owners their life if they can solve how to hand over all the cash in the register.

A franchisee that owns 73 Sonic Drive-In locations declared bankruptcy. They say they face huge debt, reduced cash flow, and a mountain of lawsuits to clean up car interiors where customers threw up chili cheesedogs.

Disney World Hollywood Studios’ ‘Star Wars: A Galaxy Far, Far Away’ – a stage show featuring characters acting out scenes – will shut down this month. In its place, Darth Vader, Chewbacca, Rey & Kylo Ren will star in ’12 Angry Men, Wookies & Droids’.

Lloyd Black, a 91-year-old who exercises in denim overalls, is ‘Member of the Month’ at Anytime Fitness in Semmes, Alabama. He says he wears baggy overalls because they’re comfortable, and they hide his excitement seeing women working out in yoga overalls.

Prosecutors in the college admissions scandal released the fake rowing resume that Lori Loughlin’s daughter used to gain admission to USC. They say suspicions were raised when she referred to oars as water-paddle-thingies.

Virginia lawmakers officially made it legal for unmarried couples to have sex. Although rarely enforced, couples previously faced fines up to $250 for intercourse. In a related move, Virginia Beach prostitutes announced a $150 price drop.

 

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According to the Brookings Institute, artificial intelligence is replacing a high percentage of ‘first jobs’, leaving middle managers wondering how to sexually harass artificial intelligence.

An author claims that secret FBI tapes exist, indicating Martin Luther King, Jr. had over 40 extramarital affairs. The authenticity of the claim is in question, but King apparently had more than one dream.

Virginia Beach officials are outraged that over 10 tons of trash were left on the beach over Memorial Day weekend at a ‘Floatopia’ summer kickoff – by the tons of trash who visited there.

Burger King states its restaurants serving the meatless Impossible Whopper experienced an 18% increase in traffic.  Arby’s stated restaurants serving their greek gyros experienced a 98% increase in traffic to the restrooms.

Actress Mandy Moore completed her climb to the base camp of Mount Everest. “There is so much magic in these mountains!” she wrote, as the bodies of dead climbers were dragged by her on sleds.

Apple announced it’s bringing back the iPod Touch. They asked prospective buyers if they thought they’d miss the phone function, to which they replied “the what?”

12 people were injured as tornados touched down in Kansas – all are expected to survive, but without any of them learning valuable lessons about heart, intellect & courage.

Pokemon GO will soon access players’ sleep data and give rewards for good sleep habits. Parents whose kids tell them they got a Squirtle in bed shouldn’t get too worried.

Alaska Airlines topped J.D. Power’s North American Airlines Satisfaction Ratings among traditional carriers. Frontier Airlines ranked last among all carriers, and charged passengers $49 to complete the survey.

Amazon announced you can now order voice assistant Alexa to forget what you just said. Alexa will confirm, but then somehow manage to bring it up the next time you get in a fight.