Monday Jokes: December 17

President Trump named Mick Mulvaney acting chief of staff. Trump had met with former NJ Governor Chris Christie to take the job. Christie was rumored to be on the short list, and also on the obese list.

A report from Oxford University found that a Russian disinformation campaign used every major social media platform to share content geared to elect Donald Trump. It was so far-reaching, Russians issued 10 million tweets, 61 thousand Facebook posts, and even made Trump’s LinkedIn profile look pretty good.

Angela Ponce of Spain became the first transgender woman to compete in the Miss Universe pageant. Ponce did not make the Top 20, despite winning the bench press competition.

Spice Girl Mel ‘Scary Spice’ B posted photos to Instagram after suffering a severed hand and broken ribs in an accident. She’s expected to make a full recovery. Asked if injures would disrupt singing and dancing for the upcoming Spice Girls reunion tour, Scary said no, since she could never sing or dance to begin with.

Offset crashed wife Cardi B’s performance at the Rolling Loud Festival in Los Angeles over the weekend, showing a floral arrangement reading TAKE ME BACK CARDI. Cardi refused, despite Offset’s promise to include her in all his future threesomes.

Former Today Show host Megyn Kelly debuted a new short haircut. Kelly said the short hair makes it easier to put on the afro wig she bought for next year’s Halloween costume.

Merriam-Webster named ‘justice’ its Word of the Year for 2018, citing a large increase in look-ups for the word – though many are believed to be confused parents trying to find the teen girls’ clothing store of the same name.

  • ‘Justice’ succeeds 2017’s Word of the Year, ‘feminism’ — President Trump is already pretty sick of them both.

Following the Chicago Bears’ win over the Green Bay Packers, Bears left tackle Charles Leno Jr proposed marriage on the sidelines to his girlfriend, Jennifer Roth. Roth said yes, and Leno entered the concussion protocol.

RadarOnline reports that 69-year-old Caitlyn Jenner and her partner, 22-year-old Sophia Hutchins, are planning to marry and welcome a baby in 2019. They’re reportedly exploring adoption or having a surrogate carry Sophia’s egg and Caitlyn’s sperm.

An autonomous food delivery robot operated by Berkeley, California startup Kiwi, burst into flames on a sidewalk during a delivery on Friday. The robot left a note saying it couldn’t live with itself any longer for delivering all of those Arby’s sandwiches.

 

 

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