Monday Jokes: February 15th

109 employees at Winter Park ski resort in Colorado tested positive for COVID-19, but so far nobody’s died with their boots on.

30 parrots were removed from the Philadelphia home of a man found dead in the back of a U-Haul. All 30 asked for a cracker, and a lawyer.

Meghan Markle and Prince Harry announced they’re expecting a baby. The parents of two-year-old Archie haven’t disclosed if it’s a Betty or a Jughead.

Coca-Cola will trial selling drinks in paper bottles this summer. They decided on paper because the ones made of tooth enamel dissolved too quickly.

The daughter of the Lombardi Trophy silversmith wants an apology from Tom Brady for tossing it between boats in the Tampa Bay Buccaneers Super Bowl victory parade. No one has the heart to tell her about Rob Gronkowski trying to have sex with it.

Students learning at home are more stressed than their peers learning in classrooms, since many of them are too dumb to realize how remote learning makes it so much easier to cheat.

The Daytona 500 was delayed for six hours by rain and ended shortly after midnight. Many of the announced crowd of 30,000 stuck around anyway, once they realized watching rain fall was every bit as exciting as a NASCAR race.

NASA’s Mars rover Perseverance is scheduled to land on Wednesday. NASA’s other Mars rover, Frustration, turned around and came back to Florida three weeks ago.

Katy Perry and Lionel Richie voted to send Claudia Conway – daughter of Trump adviser Kellyanne – to Hollywood on American Idol. Judge Luke Bryan dissented, saying a teen girl hating her parents should have a sad country song about it by now.

Drinking three cups of coffee a day may reduce the risk of prostate cancer – especially if it’s Dunkin coffee, since it destroys the prostate altogether.

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