Friday Jokes: January 28th

The Bidens adopted a two-year-old cat, Willow. It’s the first pussy in the White House in five years that hasn’t had to sign a non-disclosure agreement.

A bridge in a Pittsburgh park collapsed just prior to a visit from President Biden to discuss repairs to infrastructure. Joe Manchin & Kirsten Sinema aren’t sure the bridge needs fixing.

Two Philadelphia 76ers fans were ejected frrom the team’s game against the Los Angeles Lakers for repeatedly yelling the taunt “boy” at Lakers Carmelo Anthony. They’ll be entered into a diversion program and taught to throw batteries.

A couple was arrested and charged with using fake vaccine cards to attend the Buffalo Bills home playoff game against the New England Patriots. It’s the first time that someone faked credentials in order to contract frostbite.

Minnie Mouse is trading in her dress for a Stella McCartney pantsuit. “I’ve been asking for pants for almost a hundred f**kin’ years!” said a furious Donald Duck.

A study suggests four factors influence the likelihood someone will have long-term effects of COVID-19, including viral load, diabetes, existing antibodies, and failure to follow through on doing their own research.

Apple announced it has over 1.8 billion active devices, and about 11 billion in drawers with broken screens.

Octomom’s eight children turned 13, and each received a fire extinguisher to put out 104 birthday candles.

Investment website Robinhood reported disastrous earnings and an erosion of its user base. It plans to correct the course by robbing rich customers and giving the money to itself.

Pennsylvania’s state-owned liquor authority opened a free lottery where winners can buy rare Pappy van Winkle whiskeys for prices of $299-$399 per bottle. They’ll also continue to sell regular $10/bottle whiskey that makes regular people feel like they just won a lottery.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s