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Drinking a strong cup of coffee a half-hour before exercise has been found to increase fat-burning. Drinking the same coffee during exercise increases mouth-and-skin-burning.

Demi Lovato says in her new documentary that she used crack, which presumably began during filming of her Disney Channel movie ‘Camp Rock’.

Prince’s Paisley Park estate will commemorate the 5th anniversary of his death by allowing a small number of guests to come in and view his ashes, but they won’t be told how they were made purple.

Joe Biden’s dogs Major & Champ returned to the White House following their completion of discipline training – although every Republican Senator voted against their reappointment.

California’s Hope Of The Valley mission will use a $500,000 donation from Alex Trebek’s estate to help fund a new homeless shelter. Categories include “What’s That Smell”?; ‘Where’s My Stuff?’; “Who Are You?”; and “Potpurri”.

Jay Leno apologized for past jokes that offended Asian-Americans. Larry the Cable Guy apologized for jokes that offended the intelligence of everyone who heard them.

Model Chrissy Teigen deleted her Twitter account, which had grown to over 13 million followers. She posted “Live well, tweeters. Please know all I ever cared about was you.” To which her husband and two children replied “huh?”

Discount grocer Aldi is giving employees four hours of paid time off to get COVID-19 vaccines, but they have to bring their own syringe and needle.

Pepsi and candy maker Peeps are collaborating on new Peeps-flavored Pepsi drinks. They’re calling it ‘Pepsi x Peeps’, after rejecting alternate names such as ‘Peepsi’, ‘Liquid Type 2’, and ‘Gorilla Glue For Your Teeth’.

New Zealand will now require employers offer three days’ paid leave after miscarriages – which is both a compassionate step at a difficult time, and the latest foolproof way to fake your way to a long weekend.

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Jeffrey Epstein lawyer Alan Dershowitz challenged Epstein accuser Virginia Roberts to say on camera she was forced to have sex with Dershowitz on multiple occasions, so she did it for a Netflix documentary.  “I object!” yelled 81-year-old Dershowitz at his tv.

In Minneapolis, protestors set fire to a police station as protests against the death of George Floyd continuted for a third day. Cops tried stopping the fire by kneeling on it, but were unsuccessful.

Twitter flagged another of Donald Trump tweets, this one for ‘glorifying violence’ while threatening Minneapolis protestors. Twitter also put the same flag on thousands of other tweets from men & women bragging about “blowing up” public restrooms. 

Anheuser-Busch is crowdsourcing ideas from creative people to market its new Social Club brand of hard seltzer. So far they’ve gotten a lot of pictures, videos and drawings of people emptying it into sinks. 

Tech companies Creston, Logitech & Zoom introduced a new home webcam system that lets you participate in Zoom calls on your tv from your couch – giving you a far more comfortable place to fall asleep during office Zoom calls.

Budget grocery chain Aldi said they’re expanding curbside pickup service, for people who don’t mind gathering their unbagged groceries dumped by the curb.

YouTube introduced video chapters, making it easier for your influencer wannabe friends to segment their longer videos that you’ll never watch.

An Australian zookeeper is in critical condition after being mauled by two lions. Other zoo animals condemned the lions’ failure to adhere to social distancing.

Researchers discovered the deepest octopus on record, 4.3 miles below the surface of the Indian Ocean. “What is ocean life, really?” asked the deep octopus.

A 51-year-old Bay Area California woman was arrested on hate crime charges after leaving notes on Asian-American homes telling residents to leave the country. She had no comment other than to express regret over handwriting the letters, because there are more Asians than she thought.

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White House Communications Director Hope Hicks resigned. She asks for privacy during this time, while she and her boyfriend – former senior staff aide and spousal abuser Rob Porter – throw punches at each other.

Hicks plans are unknown, but in the immediate future, she’ll visit a neurosurgery clinic to have all memories of Stephen Miller wiped from her brain.

In a statement, Hicks said “There are no words to adequately express my gratitude to President Trump…but for now, I’ll just say keep sending the checks and I’ll keep my mouth shut.”

While Trump expressed disappointment at losing Hicks; the majority of American expressed continued sadness at losing Hope in late 2016.

A woman in England found a live rat in a sealed package of plums she bought at Aldi.  Aldi’s spokesperson explained that the rat shouldn’t have been found in produce, he’s usually assigned to the deli counter.

Walmart is raising the age limit to 21 for customers buying firearms and ammunition. This is expected to create new jobs for Walmart managers who can count to 21.

A Russian model held in a Thailand jail is asking for help from the U.S. to be released so that she can reveal dirt about Donald Trump and the Russians. Informed that Trump is President of the country she’s asking for help, she said “okay, let me talk to the Vice President, then..”

Lance Armstrong hosted former porn actress Mia Khalifa on his podcast. Khalifa said that she quit porn due to threats from ISIS, and opportunities afforded by the Trump Administration.

Worshipers at Sanctuary Church near Newfoundland, Pennsylvania had their AR-15 rifles blessed at a religious ceremony. Reverend Sean Moon of the Sanctuary Church, son of the late Sun Myung Moon, preaches that the AR-15 is the ‘Rod of Iron’ mentioned in the Bible. Men who showed up to have their penises blessed as the Rod of Iron were given rainchecks.

Los Angeles Lakers guard Lonzo Ball, second overall NBA draft pick, lost a basketball shooting contest to Bow Wow. Bow Wow posted video of the win to social media, then went back to a recording studio, which is what he calls the bathroom at the bus station.