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A park in Central Florida is closed during snake mating season, as snakes form ‘breeding balls’ where multiple males mate with a single female. While people can’t watch in person, Florida Fish & Game officials are making it available for $9.95 on pay-per-view.

An Oregon comedian was fired for illegally fleeing the MS Westerdam cruise ship, which is quanantined with coronavirus. Several passengers have developed a dry, persistent hack, and also describe the comedian as a dry, persistent hack. [Story h/t to Dave P.]

During the Democratic Presidential Debate, Elizabeth Warren accused Mike Bloomberg of calling women “fat broads” and “horse-faced lesbians”. Bloomberg then asked Warren how she was able to read his old employee performance reviews.

Researchers have devised a way to use discarded McDonald’s cooking oil as a plastic resin in 3D printers. They hope that one day it can be used to improve amputees lives by 3D printing prosthetic limbs that smell like french fries.

Kelly Ripa discussed her recent decision to stop drinking alcohol. “I felt better, so I just stopped.” Her decision has inspired thousands of others who now feel better because they just stopped.. watching ‘Live with Kelly & Ryan’.

Fitbit trackers may soon be updated to detect sleep apnea. When someone snores in the middle of the night, the Fitbit on their spouse’s wrist will track the number of punches they throw to get them to stop.

Cord-cutting accelerated in 2019, as more & more Americans cancelled their cable video service. Comcast said they welcome cord-cutting, and will assist their customers in doing so by selling them a pair of wire cutters for just $149.

Walmart denies asking a woman and her 22-year-old autistic son to leave a Pennsylvania store because the non-verbal son was making loud noises. The mother claims a worker told them he was disturbing customers’ shopping and other employees’ sleeping.

Croydon, New Hampshire fired its only policeman at a town meeting, telling him to surrender his patrol car and uniform. He did, leaving the meeting wearing only boots, a hat and his underwear. Police in the next town over were called to investigate a man who robbed a Croydon 7-Eleven wearing only a hat, boots and underwear.

The jury in the Harvey Weinstein trial entered the third day of deliberations, equalling the amount of time women deliberated over whether they should have sex with a rich guy as disgusting as Harvey Weinstein.

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Michael Bloomberg was declared eligible to participate in the next Democratic Party Presidential Debate. In other news, the debate moderator bought a boat.

Walmart said their Holiday 2019 shopping season “wasn’t as good as expected”. They said the first hint was when Black Friday Doorbuster concussions dropped 50% from last year.

Disney World’s iconic Cinderella Castle is getting a makeover. The news was reported by customers at an Orlando Home Depot, who saw Cinderella and Prince Charming arguing about paint colors.

Vendors are complaining about electicity costs at the Philadelphia Flower Show. 10 days of power for a booth cost $165 in 2019, and over $400 this year. The local electricians union said the added cost is protection money to rough up rats chewing power lines.

Instagram & YouTube fitness model Zoe Klopfer discovered her photographer had hidden a camera in her bathroom, capturing images of her nude and using the toilet. Klopfer has over 240,000 followers; the toilet account now has over a million.

IKEA Dubai is letting customers discount their purchase by showing how long it took them to get to the store with their Google Maps timeline. Customers traveling an hour to the store are excited to save money on products taking them four hours to assemble incorrectly.

Boy Scouts of America declared bankruptcy, after their plan to offer limited-edition Dropping Sexual Assault Lawsuit merit badges didn’t get much traction.

Chinese restaurants in major U.S. cities are claiming their business is down as much as 50% over fears of the COVID-19 coronavirus – and sales of #19 combos are almost non-existent.

White House adviser Stephen Miller married Mike Pence’s press secretary Katie Waldman on Sunday. No word on when, or if, they plan to welcome children for sacrifice to Satan.

TV hit ‘Riverdale’ is getting a spinoff, ‘Katy Keene’, which features an abundance of LGBTQ characters and story lines – like refusing to be served at Pop’s Choklit Shoppe, and taking a half-hour to explain to Moose what ‘gay’ is.