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A Philadelphia man was assaulted by dirt bikers & ATV riders as they tried to steal his scooter. Philadelphia notches the first recorded case of ScootJacking.

Dora The Explorer is getting a reboot on Paramount +, after Dora emerged from extensive counseling following her work with Nickelodeon’s Dan Schneider in the early 2000s.

Five military horses escaped and ran wild through the streets of central London, damaging cars and injuring pedestrians. Authorities pursued the horses through late afternoon, until the horses stopped for tea & scones.

Actress Christina Applegate said on her podcast that she’s been sick for three weeks with sapovirus – accidental ingestion of human fecal matter. Applegate announced she’s no longer a Brand Ambassador for Saladworks.

TikTok’s CEO vowed to fight a U.S. law requiring the Chinese government’s sale of the app within a year. The U.S. Government said if they can’t make them sell it, they’ll make them change the name to MySpace and everyone will just stop using it.

South Korea is considering a ban on the iPhone for use by their armed forces, because they deem it a security threat. This follows a move by North Korea, which has already banned paper cups atttached to strings for the same reason.

Motley Crue signed with record label Big Machine, with frontman Vince Neil saying “we don’t want to stagnate”. This Friday, they’ll release a new single, ‘Dogs Of War’, with Billboard projecting it could land at #1 on the Stagnated Dinosaur Rock chart.

Theresa Nist, ex-wife of Golden Bachelor Gerry Turner, told People magazine in a new interview that she “found a new joy in life” – as she opened the drawer of her nightstand.

Barstool Sports founder Dave Portnoy said WNBA star Caitlin Clark is getting “screwed” by Nike over her 8-year, $28 million endorsement deal that includes a signature Clark shoe. Nike defended the deal, saying it also includes a matching Caitlin Clark belt and handbag.

A Texas high school cheerleader who was named Valedictorian was notified that a calculation error was found, dropping her to 3rd in the class. However, her measurements were verified so she still gets to keep her cheerleading scholarship offers.

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A cartoon image of Mötley Crüe vocalist Vince Neil appears in a new children’s book, ‘Heavy Metal Harry’s First Gig’. It’s believed to be the first children’s book where someone gets killed in a drunk driving accident.

Louis C.K. finalized the list of cities for his upcoming standup comedy tour. But you have to wait for him to ask before he’ll show it to you.

United Airlines instructed flight attendants not to utilize the central window shade controls on its Boeing 787 Dreamliners, letting passengers seated next to the windows control the shades. They want window passengers to be able to piss off others in the row with light, in addition to climbing over them to use the bathroom.

Corona will launch a line of hard seltzer this spring, for people who don’t think drinking Corona Beer makes them look like a big enough douche.

Donald Trump complained about South Korean film ‘Parasite’ winning the Best Picture Oscar, before telling a crowd at his rally that he’s detaining Dora The Explorer’s family at the Southern Border.

Pizza Hut’s largest U.S. franchisee, with over 1,200 locations, may declare bankruptcy. They haven’t filed yet, coming to grips with the fact that they’ve been out-pizza’d.

Google updated its Terms Of Service to make them easier to understand. It now reads “We’re Taking Your Personal Information And There’s Nothing You Can Do About It”.

Apple filed a restraining order against a 41-year-old San Francisco man who, they allege, is stalking CEO Tim Cook. Cook is reportedly annoyed that the guy doesn’t just FaceTime him.

Disney/Pixar’s animated film ‘Onward’ introduced Disney’s first openly gay cartoon character, lesbian cop Officer Specter. Rumors say she’ll appear in another upcoming Pixar film, where she’s assigned to desk duty after repeatedly harassing Elastigirl.

A University of California study linking vaping to increased risk of heart attacks has now been called ‘unreliable’.  “Good to know” said vapers on the brink of acute respiratory failure.

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Delta Airlines is hiring 1,000 new flight attendants. The airline says they’ve received over 125,000 applications for the openings, but expect many candidates will withdraw once they realize how opening soda cans ruins their nails.

Athletic shoe maker Asics is testing new shoes that can be customized by microwaving them. The innovation was enthusiastically welcomed by the makers of Hot Pockets, who are happy to now become the second-worst tasting thing you heat in your microwave.

A live-action Dora the Explorer film is in the works, with Michael Bay producing. The project’s working title is Dora the Exploder.

  • Bay picks up executive producing credit after Dora moved the project following her meeting with The Weinstein Company.

A sculpture of Napoleon sitting in a town hall building in New Jersey has been verified as the work of Auguste Rodin, valued at $4 million. The Chairman of New Jersey’s art & culture alliance is stumped as to when the sculpture was made, but assumes it dates back to before Rodin was killed by Godzilla.

Toy maker Hasbro warned of lower 4th quarter demand for toys, based on the bankruptcy proceedings of large retailer Toys R Us. Business is so slow, My Little Ponys have had to take on farm work and over half of Transformers are now doubling as Ubers.

Stephen Hawking’s 1966 doctoral thesis was released for public viewing on Cambridge University’s website, and traffic promptly crashed the site. Pornhub said they could import the documents and absorb the traffic, but nobody would believe anyone who said Hawking’s thesis is why they were there.

Mark Wahlberg, a practicing Catholic, told the Chicago Tribune – ahead of a meeting with Cardinal Blase Cupich – that he hopes God forgives him for his role in Boogie Nights.  Cardinal Cupich said he didn’t know about God, but asked Wahlberg for $20 back for Transformers The Last Knight.

Kid Rock told Howard Stern “F*ck no, I’m not running for Senate.” The Michigan GOP quickly shredded invitations to the $1,000-a-plate Bawitda-Ball fund raiser.

Cell phone video captured scenes of a Harry Styles concert at the Hollywood Bowl, where Styles’ crotch was grabbed by an aggressive fan near the stage. Styles did not grab the fan back, so the improper touching only went in one direction.

This year’s Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade will feature the debut of a new balloon, Olaf the Snowman from Frozen.  The over/under on terrible Al Roker ‘Let It Go’ jokes is 15.