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A change in your walking gait could be an early sign of dementia. Especially if it’s a change caused by not knowing where in the hell you walked to.

Buffalo Bills wide receiver Stefon Diggs was stranded in the city after his Ferrari got stuck in the snow. It was towed to safety, immediately after two Bills fans jumped off the top of it and through a folding table stored in the tow truck.

Novak Djokovic remains in a “deportation hotel” in Australia pending a determination whether he can play in the Australian Open. Djokovic refused vaccination, but Australia reversed its decision to allow him entry, so it’s technically a double-fault.

A new language has been created in the Pacific Northwest, called Protactile, used by deaf/blind people to communicate through touch. The first phrase ever developed was “I want to talk to you. Did you wash your hands?”.

Nicolas Cage and wife Riko Shabata are expecting a baby, which he’s expected to also surrender to the IRS for back payment of debt.

The makers of Nintendo racing game Mario Kart said the next installment – Mario Kart 9 – could come as early as this year with “a new twist”. They wouldn’t elaborate further except to say that you can drive a hearse for the first time.

The NFL is exploring contingency plans to move the Super Bowl from California to Texas if Los Angeles imposes further COVID restrictions. Halftime performers Snoop and Dr Dre say they could rap with masks on, with no change in white viewers understanding them.

U.S. airlines cancelled over 1,000 flights for the 12th straight day. Spirit Airlines is putting some cancelled short-flight passengers on Greyhound buses and betting they won’t really know the difference.

Aaron Babbitt – husband of deceased January 6th rioter Ashli Babbitt – said she wouldn’t have died if he was there with her because he would have “picked up on red flags”. Like, for instance, the “stop or I’ll shoot” red flag.

A November letter from imprisoned Subway spokesman Jared Fogle was leaked to the media. Fogle wrote that he works out regularly, and is in the best shape of his life. He signed off by wishing the recipient good luck in her 7th grade Christmas pageant.

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San Francisco 49ers assistant coach Katie Sowers has come out, making her the first openly gay coach in the NFL. “Welcome to the club!” said an unnamed group of players comprising 10% of the 49ers roster.

According to a Priceline.com survey, 44% of Americans reported that the feeling they get from booking a cheap flight is better than sex. Most of the respondents were Spirit Airlines fliers, who can always count on booking cheap fares and getting screwed.

Former National Director of Intelligence James Clapper reacted strongly to President Trump’s rally speech in Phoenix Tuesday, saying he questions Trump’s fitness for office and his access to nuclear codes — especially since Trump had them all changed to ‘Password’.

In an excerpt from Hillary Clinton’s forthcoming 2016 campaign memoir ‘What Happened’, she said that when Trump stood behind her at the debates it made her “skin crawl”.  Said Melania Trump “..yeah? Now imagine the same thing, only he’s naked.”

Taylor Swift announced the release of a new album, ‘Reputation.’ The album drops in November, but it is already not speaking with Katy Perry’s new album.

NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell is rumored to be getting a 5-year contract extension through 2024. Goodell has so far made over $200 million as Commissioner. He said he’ll continue to stand during the national anthem, because there’s no room to sit with all the piles of money around.

Actor Robert Downey Jr is warning fans of online scammers posing as Downey to cheat people out of charitable donations — leading countless gullible nerds to stop Venmo payments to Stark Industries.

Mark Wahlberg tops the Forbes list of Hollywood’s highest-paid actors, followed by Dwayne ‘The Rock ‘ Johnson and Vin Diesel — offering continued hope to all of you good-looking, muscular guys in Hollywood who can’t act.

Ferrari unveiled a new 200-MPH convertible, and a new toupee super-glue for men buying it.

Elon Musk posted a photo on Instagram of the new spacesuit that SpaceX astronauts will wear on trips to the International Space Station. It features a fully redesigned helmet and bodysuit, with a fireproof pocket for astronauts to store their last messages to loved ones.

 

 

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A woman saved her yellow labrador’s life with Narcan after the dog chewed open a bottle of oxycodone and overdosed. The dog fully recovered and now works as a counselor to other dogs struggling with opioids.

A Utah dog retrieved help for two girls struck by lightning. Rescuers eventually found the girls, after first misunderstanding the dog say there was trouble at the old mill.

A worker was suspended for punching an EasyJet passenger in the face after an altercation at the airport in Nice, France. Or as it’s now known, Not-So-Nice, France.

New series Star Trek:Discovery will introduce Lieutenant Stamets, the first openly gay character in the Star Trek Universe — a claim disputed by those who served on the Enterprise with Sulu and Data.

A British man totaled a new $260,000 Ferrari less than an hour after driving it off the lot. The man survived the fiery wreck and said his only regret was insuring the car with The General.

Katie Couric is leaving Yahoo. “Who? What?” said everyone under 30.

A pregnant ob/gyn went in to labor after starting to deliver her patient’s baby just minutes earlier. She told the patient to push twice – once with her hips to push the patient’s baby out, and once with her hands to hold the doctor’s baby in until she was done.

A woman called 911 to report a boa constrictor repeatedly biting her face. The 911 Operator told the woman how lucky she was, since boa constrictors usually just crush people to death.

The Chicago Cubs will give a 2016 World Series ring to infamous fan Steve Bartman. Bartman will receive two rings – one to keep and one to drop.

A new study in the journal Frontiers of Public Health states that Overfat people – those of normal body weight with too much fat in their bodies – are a growing at-risk subset of the population. Overfat people replied that they prefer the term Well-Marbled.

Los Angeles will host the 2028 Summer Olympics. Crowds of excited locals are expected to arrive at the games in the autumn.

Anthony Scaramucci is out as White House Communications Director after just one week – according to a statement he released to himself.

A U.S. District Court of Appeals sided with a consumer advocacy group, saying the FAA needs to reconsider regulating the narrowing widths of airline seats. Airlines countered that narrower seats are needed to create wider aisles to drag passengers.