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Dorothy Hoffner, a 104-year-old woman, died one week after setting the record for world’s oldest skydiver. The coroner said it wasn’t the fall that killed her, it was the sudden stop of her heart.

Jada Pinkett Smith revealed in an interview with Hoda Kotb that she’s separated from husband Will Smith. “Keep my wife’s things, out ma f**kin house” said Will Smith to the movers.

Scantily-clad prostitutes – wearing only enough clothing to avoid arrest by covering their genitals – are soliciting customers near a school in National City, California. Parents became concerned after their sons asked for $150 in lunch money.

Atlantic City, New Jersey will begin using drones dropping inflatables for beach rescues. To pay for it, visitors will be able to request the drones drop them beers on the beach or condoms under the boardwalk.

Taylor Swift’s Era Tour movie premieres Wednesday, and The Grove shopping mall in Los Angeles is shutting down everything but the AMC Cinemas for an opening gala. Mall businesses will be compensated for lost revenue, but the one person who wanted to see The Exorcist: Believer is out of luck.

Philadelphia Police rounded up over 1,000 traffic cones used by city residents to illegally save parking spots near their homes. Cops are now deciding what to do about families who put children in the spots to save them.

Floyd Mayweather is sending a private jet full of supplies to support Israel in their battle against Hamas – but they’re not sure how much help boxing gloves and jump ropes will be.

Alaska Airlines will serve a custom blend of coffee, which it claims is immune from airborne conditions like tasting bitter and weak, Customers who still want the bitter, weak, in-flight coffee are encouraged to book flights on the all-new Dunkin Airways.

Mattresses are piling up on the streets of Paris as the city’s bedbug infestation surges. Firefighters are also overworked, since the bugs, like many other Paris residents, smoke in bed.

The National Emergency Alert Test of cell phones on October 4th reportedly ‘outed’ many Amish people who secretly carried phones in violation of Amish law. Angry wives found text messages reading “Prithee Stoltzfus, are you not sleeping?”

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Rudy Giuliani tested positive for COVID-19, then lost 40 lawsuits challenging the results.

In another stinging defeat, Santa Claus threw out a letter from attorney Jenna Ellis demanding he overturn Donald Trump’s assignment to the Naughty list.

Google Maps now allows users to upload their own ‘Street View’ photos of businesses to the app. Now you can find that great new pizza place and see how it looks with a guy standing naked in front of it.

California residents are under a new stay-at-home order for the next three weeks, but most still managed to show up fashionably late for breakfast in their own kitchen.

A mystery illness causing nausea and seizures put over 300 people in the hospital in Southern India. In other news, McDonald’s introduced the McChicken Tikka Masala.

Bob Dylan reportedly sold his songwriting catalog to Universal Music Group for over $300 million. Dylan asked if they wanted his vocal tracks too, and Universal said “nah, you keep ’em”.

Disney Parks announced the temporary closure of the Expedition Everest attraction at Disney’s Animal Kingdom, adding they routinely remove guests who froze to death.

A man quarantining at a Taiwan hotel was fined $3,500 for stepping out of his room for eight seconds. Still no word on when, or if, the prostitute he’s looking for will arrive.

Melania Trump announced the completion of the new White House tennis pavilion, and the deportation of everyone who worked on it.

YouTube influencer Logan Paul, who knocked out Nate Robinson in a boxing exhibition match, will fight undefeated Floyd Mayweather in February. Paul will then record a post-match video for YouTube when he wakes up in April.