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A video posted to Instagram shows a group of Weber, Utah high school cheerleaders shouting the n-word. School officials reviewing the matter say the girls could be kicked off the squad or expelled, adding that the program is a cheertatorship, not a cheerocracy.

A study published in the journal Southeastern Naturalist confirmed that alligators in Florida and Georgia are snacking on small sharks and stingrays. Researchers say that many of the alligators consume them by accident, during Crab Fest at Red Lobster.

Google will use drones to deliver burritos in Australia. Early reviews describe the burritos as “cold” and “awful” following the long flight from Mexico.

Google also announced ambitious plans to build a ‘futuristic neighborhood’ outside of Toronto. The $50 million project will use technology to do everything from reducing pollution and commute times, to blocking rainfall and improving the weather. Asked if there’s anything the new community won’t have, a Google spokesperson replied “yeah, old people.”

President Trump reportedly plans a large increase in the number of “immigration jails” for illegal aliens —  side-by-side, along a thousand-mile stretch of the U.S./Mexico border.

Forbes Magazine released its annual list of the 400 Richest Americans. Donald Trump fell 92 spots from #156 in 2016 to #248, owing to what Forbes describes as a “tough New York real estate market” and “paying to keep that hookers peeing thing out of sight.”

NFL Players and owners met in New York to discuss anthem protests and increased community involvement. The NFL agreed to fund initiatives for community policing, where they’ll review police body cam footage and overturn arrests for no good reason.

Ford Motor Company is recalling over 1.3 million of their top-selling F150 pickup trucks to repair an issue where doors could open while the truck is moving. Ford reiterated that the trucks are Built Ford Tough, but that the people falling out of them are not.

 

Malaysia Airlines lost another CEO, and has given up looking for him.

ABC Networks announced a Black-ish spinoff, Grown-ish, will debut on its sister network Freeform this January. In other news, ABC is considering changing the name of The Good Doctor to Autist-ish.

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Hall of Fame NFL QB Y.A. Tittle died at age 90. Tittle played so long ago, ‘CTE’ was what concussed players said to sideline doctors when asked to spell ‘cat’ – before they were sent back in the game, anyway.

Analysts at Leerink, a boutique investment firm focusing on healthcare, say they’re certain that Amazon will be entering the prescription drug business. Fueling rumors? A new trademark application for the phrase Opioid Prime.

President Trump told Forbes magazine that he doesn’t think Rex Tillerson called him a moron, but implied that he would win if the two compared IQ tests. To prove his point, Trump stacked the four plastic donuts on the pole in a little under two minutes.

 

Raging California wildfires have destroyed several Napa Valley wineries. Oenophiles busily updated their profiles of the wine to say they tasted “notes of berry, smoky charcoal, and melted glass.”

The Ku Klux Klan placed flyers on cars parked at a North Carolina high school football game, protesting the removal of confederate monuments. The handouts were protested by civil rights advocates and the Chinese restaurant whose flyers were obscured by the KKK messages.

Many Americans chose to commemorate the traditional Columbus Day holiday by celebrating Indigenous Peoples Day instead – worrying mailmen who fear they won’t get the day off unless they’re Native American.

A 60 year-old Chicago Cubs fan is suing the team and Major League Baseball after being struck in the face by a foul ball which broke his nose, jaw and orbital bone. The Cubs countersued the man, saying his post-injury rendition of ‘Take Me Out To The Ballgame’ was the worst they’ve ever heard.

Dancing With The Stars competitor Frankie Muniz talked to People Magazine about his memory loss. Hollywood casting directors also discussed their memory loss, forgetting to hire Muniz for anything.

Mike Ditka – speaking on a national radio show – said that there has been no oppression in the United States in the last 100 years that he knows of, offering his 1980s Chicago Bears ‘Super Bowl Shuffle’ video to prove blacks and whites live in perpetual harmony.

Microsoft announced that it will no longer release version updates or new hardware for its Windows 10 Mobile phone operating system, although you can still sync Windows 10 Phones with your Zune.

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San Francisco 49ers assistant coach Katie Sowers has come out, making her the first openly gay coach in the NFL. “Welcome to the club!” said an unnamed group of players comprising 10% of the 49ers roster.

According to a Priceline.com survey, 44% of Americans reported that the feeling they get from booking a cheap flight is better than sex. Most of the respondents were Spirit Airlines fliers, who can always count on booking cheap fares and getting screwed.

Former National Director of Intelligence James Clapper reacted strongly to President Trump’s rally speech in Phoenix Tuesday, saying he questions Trump’s fitness for office and his access to nuclear codes — especially since Trump had them all changed to ‘Password’.

In an excerpt from Hillary Clinton’s forthcoming 2016 campaign memoir ‘What Happened’, she said that when Trump stood behind her at the debates it made her “skin crawl”.  Said Melania Trump “..yeah? Now imagine the same thing, only he’s naked.”

Taylor Swift announced the release of a new album, ‘Reputation.’ The album drops in November, but it is already not speaking with Katy Perry’s new album.

NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell is rumored to be getting a 5-year contract extension through 2024. Goodell has so far made over $200 million as Commissioner. He said he’ll continue to stand during the national anthem, because there’s no room to sit with all the piles of money around.

Actor Robert Downey Jr is warning fans of online scammers posing as Downey to cheat people out of charitable donations — leading countless gullible nerds to stop Venmo payments to Stark Industries.

Mark Wahlberg tops the Forbes list of Hollywood’s highest-paid actors, followed by Dwayne ‘The Rock ‘ Johnson and Vin Diesel — offering continued hope to all of you good-looking, muscular guys in Hollywood who can’t act.

Ferrari unveiled a new 200-MPH convertible, and a new toupee super-glue for men buying it.

Elon Musk posted a photo on Instagram of the new spacesuit that SpaceX astronauts will wear on trips to the International Space Station. It features a fully redesigned helmet and bodysuit, with a fireproof pocket for astronauts to store their last messages to loved ones.