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Israeli troops raided Gaza’s largest hospital, which, they claim, is being used as a headquarters by Hamas terrorists. Patients are also hoping they can do something about the food.

A mother who named her infant son Semen before moving to the U.S. asked for new name suggestions on Reddit. She received thousands of replies with alternate names, and a handful of replies from gay guys and women saying they really liked Semen.

Patients born with abnormally high cholesterol have shown improvements through the use of gene editing. They just need to be okay with skinny genes.

A Boeing 747 jet flying from New York’s JFK airport to Belgium had to turn around after a horse got loose in the cargo hold. The horse was also angry about being refused an upgrade.

PGA golf tour officials are finalizing negotiations for a merger with the Saudi-backed LIV Golf Tour. Talks have been contentious, but so far no PGA executives have lost their head.

A New York landlord stabbed three tenants to death over their failure to pay rent. He was visited in jail by his attorney, and 50 applicants for the apartment.

Will Smith denies allegations he had sex with a man, yelling he kept that thing outta his mouth.

K-pop all-girl group BabyMonster announced that Hyeon has left the group to focus on her health and well-being, leaving Asa, Chiquita, Haram, Rora, Pharita and Ruka as the remaining members. “Wait, which of us left again?” they asked each other.

OnlyFans model Danii Banks was kicked out of Allegiant Stadium for flashing her bare breasts during the Las Vegas Raiders/New York Jets matchup. Security guards also considered a harsher punishment – forcing her to watch the rest of the game.

Jason & Travis Kelce teamed up to record a Christmas song, Fairytale of Philadelphia, for the Phildelphia Eagles charity album. After talking to a friend about how much he was getting paid, one of them rerecorded Fairytale of Philadelphia (Travis’ Version).

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Microsoft announced they’re closing all 83 of their retail stores. Details are coming on a Black Screen Of Death sale.

Donald Trump retweeted a video from a Florida retirement community with a man in a golf cart yelling “white power”. Trump deleted the tweet, explaining the guy didn’t yell it loud enough.

Mötley Crüe drummer Tommy Lee got new face tattoos – the largest being two Japanese kanji characters on his right cheek. He offered no explanation but they translate roughly to Maury Clue.

Navigation app Waze updated its logo and graphics, including “moods” that drivers can share, including “mad”, “sick”, “flying” and “oops I just rear-ended somebody while picking a mood”.

Saved By The Bell’s Dustin ‘Screech’ Diamond is behind $269,000 in payments on his house in Wisconsin, and Wells Fargo bank plans to foreclose. His costars rallied around him, pledging him all the royalties received from Zack Attack record sales and airplay.

The New England Patriots were fined $1.1 million and will forfeit a 2021 draft pick for illegally filming a Bengals/Browns game. The Patriots may appeal, saying having an employee watch a Bengals/Browns game was punishment enough.

Costco announced their bakery department will no longer sell $20 sheet cakes. They made the announcement by writing it in frosting on the top of a round cake.

60,000 pounds of chicken nuggets are being recalled because they may be contaminated with rubber. McDonald’s issued a statement saying none of their nuggets are affected, they just taste like it.

Scientists say they’ve used a single injection to edit genes in monkeys that put them at the greatest risk of heart disease. They were able to vaccinate the unhealthy monkeys after they fell asleep after drinking beer and eating french fries while watching NASCAR.

Pharma company Gilead said they’ll charge $3,120 for a single treatment of COVID-19 drug Remdesivir. But ask your pharmacist about a coupon where you can save $5.

 

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An institutionalized Hawaii man described as a “psychopathic predator” – acquitted of a 1979 murder due to insanity – escaped a psychiatric hospital, took a taxi to Honolulu airport and flew to California. Police captured the fugitive, are reviewing his escape and determining how he booked all of that travel with Marlboro Miles.

The Food & Drug Administration approved a form of digital pill with an embedded sensor that tells your doctor when you take it.  The American Veterinary Association approved a similar pill that tells vets your dog or cat spit their pill out and are hiding under the sofa.

Senator John McCain blasted the U.S. Army for a report that they accept recruits with a history of self-mutilation, telling reporters that mutilation of recruits should be saved for basic training.

A U.S. man with a rare condition is the first to undergo gene editing in the body, and now goes by Jeanne.

The release date of superhero sequel Wonder Woman 2 has been moved six weeks earlier, to November 1st, from December 13th, 2019.  “Good luck with her being ready early” said her old boyfriend.

A rare alligator snapping turtle has been found in the forests of Illinois, the first such sighting in the state in 30 years. The 30-pound female is around 18-years-old and was discovered wandering alone, wondering where all of the cute guys are.

Taylor Swift surprised shoppers at a Nashville Target store with an unannounced  appearance, followed by the release of a store-exclusive diss track “Snake Getting Groceries”, aimed at people who asked her for selfies without buying her Reputation album first.

People magazine named Blake Shelton their ‘Sexiest Man Alive’, with the express condition he not write a terrible country song with that title.

Three UCLA men’s basketball players returned with the team from China, where they were detained after allegedly shoplifting Louis Vuitton sunglasses. Upon arrival in the U.S., the players updated their Amazon Wish Lists to include “new sunglasses”.

President Trump is breaking with tradition and will not meet the American winners of Nobel Prizes. The White House cited a scheduling conflict with the Arena Football League Champion Philadelphia Soul – assuming they accept.