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Walmart is now offering mammograms at certain locations. Medical technicians have already told several dozen women that the lump is Crunch & Munch they spilled down their sweatshirt.

Amy Schumer revealed she has Cushing’s Syndrome, inflammation caused by unusally high levels of steroids in the body. She’s expected to recover, but had to cancel her tryout with the New York Jets.

Alaska’s Gates Of The Arctic is the country’s least-visited national park. It has no roads, no trails, no cell phone service, temperatures that reach -50 degrees Farenheit in the winter, and rocky ground that makes it hard to bury the body of the person you brought there.

Journalists are calling for the NFL to fly prospects attending the NFL Scouting Combine in Indianapolis in first class, since many are huge linemen. That, and they’re almost killing people in Spirit Airlines’ mandatory coach-class fistfights.

A woman in Ireland lost an injury settlement after video showed her winning a Christmas tree throwing contest, then throwing away the $800,000 she’d won in the settlement.

A study by finance company GOBankingRates finds a $150,000 salary categorizes you as “lower middle class” in areas of the U.S. such as San Francisco and Northern Virginia. However, it makes you King Of Mississippi, despite still being low class.

Wendy’s is planning on “surge pricing” for burgers at peak-demand times of day, saying prices could increase by $1 at lunch rush, then go back down after you finish an entire large combo & swear you’ll never eat there again.

A man died after setting himself on fire outside of the Israeli embassy, yelling “free palestine”. His mother said she now understands why he ignored her advice to wear a sweater.

A runaway freight train in India traveled nearly 45 miles without a driver, and was stopped after workers placed stones on the tracks – this, following their initial plan to get a goat on board to stop it was thwarted when it ate the throttle.

A customer in Ohio was mistakenly charged $1,000 for a Subway sandwich. So far they haven’t refunded her money because she hasn’t provided Subway with proof that the sandwich wasn’t 200 feet long.

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A new Wallethub study claims Iowa is the best U.S. state to drive in. Mainly because no other place creates the same joy you get once you drive your way out of Iowa.

The Impeachment Trial of Donald Trump began in the U.S. Senate on Tuesday,  Trump watched from Davos, Switzerland, wondering when the court clerks finally bring in bag after bag of children’s letters to Santa Claus.

Queen Elizabeth reportedly considered stripping Prince Harry and Meghan Markle of their ‘Duke & Duchess of Sussex’ titles. Harry & Meghan reportedly considered stripping, too, now that they no longer receive public funds.

Health officials in Washington state confirmed the first U.S. case of the deadly Wuhan coronavirus, after someone ordered the cashew shrimp.

Two NYPD officers, a male and female, were disciplined for having sex in a precinct bathroom stall. “Police! Put your hands where I can’t see ’em!” said the female.

Finance website GOBankingRates claims $100,000 in retirement savings will last the longest for residents of Mississippi. They cite affordable housing, low taxes, and the happiness from everyone there calling you a billionaire.

Houston Astros owner Jim Crane said Astros players will publicly apologize at Spring Training for stealing pitching signs in 2018. Then they’ll go to their hotel rooms with groupies in tow and think long and hard about what they did.

Due to unusually cold temperatures in Florida, the National Weather Service issued a “falling iguana” warning, since iguanas may drop from trees because they’ve stopped moving. They also issued a rare “alligators wearing hats and mittens” warning.

It’s so cold in Florida, Donald Duck was spotted in Orlando shopping for pants.

Apple is set to introduce a new low-cost iPhone around March. It’s rumored to cost about $449 for the phone, and $399 to repair the screen after you drop it.

A global study states broadband Internet service in the U.S. is more expensive than 118 other countries. The cheapest high-speed Internet service is found in Syria, although tech support there is a challenge because the call centers keep blowing up.

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A Russian research team unearthed the fossilized remains of a 10-ton, 17-foot-long sea cow on a Siberian beach. Experts believe the sea cow wanted to spend time at the beach, but needed to go to Siberia to avoid crowds & body-shaming.

Thanksgiving night fights forced officials to shut down the Riverchase Galleria Mall in Birmingham, Alabama, as fathers of teenage girls sought to protect them from Roy Moore.

GOBankingRates released a list of the 15 most affordable states for Millennials to buy homes. Topping the list? West Virginia – where it’s estimated that a home can be bought after just two-and-a-half years of selling meth.

DamToys is selling a 12-inch Steve Jobs figurine for nearly $200. It berates other nearby action figures and comes with 10 accessories, none of which is a daughter that the figurine refuses to acknowledge.

President Trump tweeted on Friday that he was heading to Trump National Golf Club to “play golf (quickly) with Tiger Woods and Dustin Johnson.” ‘Quickly’ means he’ll quit when they won’t let him win.

A Swedish power plant near Stockholm that uses recycled materials as fuel is burning unsold clothing from fast-fashion chain H&M; the company that owns the plant is hiring hundreds of mean girls to follow classmates around telling them to ‘burn that outfit’.

Following a second accuser’s claim that he grabbed her buttocks during a photo at the Minnesota State Fair, Senator Al Franken issued a new apology, and verified that he’s banned from the livestock exhibit at this year’s fair.

Oprah Winfrey shared her lavish Thanksgiving dinner spread on Instagram, including four 22-pound turkeys for her and her guests. Winfrey, a Weight Watchers spokesperson, declined to say how many Weight Watchers points she consumed, but was photographed with her food diary and a scientific calculator.

Michael Flynn is no longer sharing information regarding the Russia investigation with President Trump’s lawyers, leading observers to believe Special Investigator Robert Mueller has “flipped” Mueller to testify against The President. Sensing an opportunity, Russian President Vladimir Putin has offered to let Flynn use his Safe House.

Duchess Kate Middleton – pregnant with her third child – went off-roading with her husband, Prince William, at the Jaguar/Land Rover factory in England. “Off-roading” in this case meaning using Parent With Toddler parking instead of valet.