By |

Kid Rock scolded audience members for recording his show in Nashville, calling them “f*cking f@ggots with their iPhones out”. He closed the show wishing everyone a Happy Pride Month.

The FBI used undercover agents to convince criminals to use a messaging app, ANOM, that they created, resulting in 800 arrests in 16 countries. They hope for similar results capturing lonely crime lords with their new dating app.

The Dept of Justice recovered $2.3 million paid by fuel conglomerate Colonial Pipeline to ransomware hackers. President Biden cancelled a planned celebratory news conference after he was told he couldn’t pose behind a table stacked with Bitcoins.

FBI agents were able to retrieve the Colonial Pipeline ransom by getting the password to the hackers Bitcoin wallet – ‘Bitcoin1’.

McDonald’s CEO claims higher wages are accelerating the company’s move to more automated restaurants, where digital assistants take orders, and robots forget to put french fries in the bag.

Kim Kardashian’s security team is investigating an anonymous package sent to her, containing a diamond engagement ring and Plan B birth control pills. Kim’s first goal is to figure out if it came from a handsome rapper or NBA star.

‘General Hospital’ star Kristen Storms said she underwent brain surgery. Now that her brain is repaired, she said she’s unable to enjoy soap operas.

Paula Abdul underwent ‘breast revision’ surgery. Abdul said that, as a dancer with a short frame, larger implants were harder on her back, and scuffing her tap shoes.

Fastly, a content delivery network that speeds load times for websites, crashed Tuesday morning, causing widespread Internet service outages. Fastly worked quickly & diligently to fully & completely remedy sites loading slowly or incompletely.

French President Emanuel Macron was slapped in the face during a public appearance. He was pulled away, then handed a pistol so he and the man could complete their duel.

By |

Brett Favre is charging $5000 for a 10-minute Zoom call via celebrity messaging service Cameo – or, $4000 if you’re a massage therapist and let him show you his penis.

The Trump Administration is suing to stop sales of a tell-all book from former National Security Adviser John Bolton, saying the book contains national security secrets. Although everyone could probably guess the Oval Office bathroom code is 1234.

A court found Shake Shack is not liable for three New York cops getting sick after eating there, saying most people are sick when they find out a cheeseburger and shake costs $17.

Amidst national protests and demands for police reform, many cops across the U.S. are quitting. Dunkin’ shares dropped 30% in early trading.

Google released special Pride Month ringtones for its Pixel mobile phones. So far, the most downloaded is “HEYYYY-ayyyyy’.

Quaker Foods announced a name change for Aunt Jemima products. The syrup will be offered in larger sizes to accommodate a label reading: ‘Your Black Mom’s Sister’s High-Fructose Imitation Maple Goo’.

American moms are saying kid-friendly all-white band The Wiggles need to diversify and add one or more minority members. The band has so far refused, saying racial integration is a Hot Potato.

‘That 70s Show’ actor Danny Masterson was arrested and charged with rape. “Way to go, dumbass” said Red Forman.

Lego launched interactive Super Mario playsets. The combined cost of all of them is nearly $600, leading Mario to complain about having to collect that many coins.

After a two-year investigation, a 34-year old Idaho woman was arrested and charged with having sex with underage boys. A spokesman for the boys called it “two pretty great years.”