The Nobel Prize was awarded to three quantum physicists who explained particles’ “spooky behavior at a distance”. The recipients: Drs Velma, Shaggy & Daphne, determined it was really Old Man Jefferson trying to collect insurance money from his abandoned particle farm.

Kanye West wore a ‘White Lives Matter’ shirt at a surprise Yeezy Fashion Show, which also doubled as the first Trump rally held in Paris.

The Lake Erie Walleye fishing tournament disqualified two entrants when judges found lead weights in fish they’d caught. The fishermen unsuccessfully argued they’d caught the fish after an underwater gunfight between rival schools.

Jeffrey Dahmer was known to wear bright yellow-colored contact lenses, to emulate both Star Wars‘ Emperor Palpatine and a murderer in the film Exorcist III. This confused his mother, who thought he had too many kidneys in his diet.

The broken Nord Stream gas pipeline beneath the Baltic Sea was repaired, but over 500,000 gallons of methane had escaped. The government of Denmark called in experts in massive methane discharge – dairy farmers, and workers who clean the restrooms on the New Jersey Turnpike.

A man carrying a pink smoke bomb ran on to the playing field during Monday night’s Rams/49ers game, and was leveled by Rams linebacker Bobby Wagner. The man has entered the NFL’s concussion and multiple-fractured-vertebrae protocols.

Hilaria Baldwin shared a photo with husband Alec and their seven children together. “Great shot!” said their friends, which is something Alec hasn’t heard in a while.

The BET Hip-Hop Awards will be held Tuesday night. Producers say they’ll leave a couple of spots in the show’s In Memoriam segment open just in case someone gets shot on the red carpet.

Georgia GOP Senate candidate Herschel Walker, who is ‘pro-life’, allegedly paid for a girlfriend’s abortion in 2009. Walker denies the claim, adding that it was 13 years and 20 abortions ago.

Sources claim Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen have hired divorce lawyers, adding that Brady has already activated several lingerie models from his practice squad.

Hilaria Baldwin said she’s dealing with “mama guilt” after she and husband Alec welcomed a 7th child together, concerned about spending enough time with each of them. Alec is dealing with “papa guilt” – a potential involuntary manslaughter conviction.

Megan Thee Stallion created a website that lists mental health resources for her fans. Although she points out it’s not for people crazy about big tits and asses.

Hurricane Ian struck Cuba and is making its way toward the Gulf Coast. The bad news is potential destruction; the good news is the fast currents will deliver rafts of illegal immigrants to Florida shores several hours early.

Black actress KiKi Layne said she and fellow person-of-color actor Ari’el Stachel had significant roles in the new film Don’t Worry Darling, but much of their work was cut. Director Olivia Wilde said she saved the footage for a possible sequel, Don’t Worry Shawty.

The cousin of one of Jeffrey Dahmer’s victims is angry at the Netflix dramatization of Dahmer’s killings, saying it’s dredged up painful memories, or ‘cannibal reflux’.

Philadelphia Mayor Jim Kenney signed an executive order banning guns in Philly recreation spaces. Players will have to figure out a new way to punish the losing team in pickup basketball games.

800 competitors entered Florida’s Python Hunt – a months-long effort to rid the Everglades of invasive Burmese pythons. No word on how it’s going, other than the competitors list is down to 792 since the pythons won some battles.

Dr. Umberto Tozzi, a cosmetic surgeon specializing in vaginal reconstruction, or labiaplasty, explained to NeedToKnow Online why he’s performed over 300 of the surgeries – his 50% off coupons.

Families of children are warring with Pickleball players who set up DIY courts in New York City playgrounds, interfering with their kids space and playtime. Pickleballers are fighting back to regain their turf by joining the PickleCrips.

Newly-activated Russian soldiers from Vladimir Putin’s draft are immediately surrendering to their Ukrainian counterparts after deployment. It’s so bad, Emmanuel Macron issued a statement denying that France is training the Russian army.