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CIA director Gina Haspel briefed Congress on the murder of journalist Jamal Khashoggi, leading some lawmakers to say they had no doubt the killing happened with the knowledge of Saudi crown prince Muhammad bin Salman. President Trump, who saw the same information, likes bin Salman’s evil twin, Floyd, for the crime.

The Secret Service is testing a facial recognition surveillance system outside the White House. Right now it only recognizes ‘Orange’ and ‘Everybody Else’.

A Phoenix man claims that someone hacked into his Nest security camera and used it to talk to him. The hacker asked when his wife was getting dressed for work.

Special Counsel Robert Mueller recommended leniency for former national security adviser Michael Flynn, based on what Mueller’s team called Flynn’s ‘substantial contributions’ to the investigation. Mueller’s team added they don’t know who else will be able to do as good as Flynn fetching coffee.

A Hollywood Reporter article states that nobody wants to host the 91st Academy Awards. Jimmy Fallon offered to do it, but the Academy said the show is already too long before adding 90 minutes of sing-alongs and party games.

Married rappers Cardi B and Offset announced they’re splitting up. They’ll share custody of the jewelry.

Snowboard gold medalist Shaun White, riding in first class on a recent flight, posted an Instagram video shaming a passenger behind him with their bare feet resting on the back of his seat. White asked followers to tag someone who would likely do this, then sexually harassed the passenger for the remainder of the flight.

Crowdsourcing advice site Quora announced a security breach. Worse, the top-rated Quora Expert response to “How do I protect my information?” was “Send your social security number and date of birth to this email address….”

Kanye West apologized after being called out on Twitter for staring at his cell phone during the Broadway premiere of ‘The Cher Show’. West was chastised by the actor playing Sonny Bono, who was upset Kanye missed ‘Sonny’s’ big scene skiing into a tree and dying.

A Quicken survey of 1,000 married couples’ Christmas shopping behavior found that 1 in 5 forgot to buy their spouse a Christmas gift. Those people were then added to next year’s Quicken survey of 1,000 divorced couples’ Christmas shopping behavior.

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The New York Times cut the number of free articles readable on its website from 10 per month to 5.  Meanwhile the Philadelphia Inquirer assured its website’s readers that the number of racist comments they can make each month will remain unlimited.

TV actress Kaley Cuoco is engaged to professional equestrian Karl Cook. This is Cook’s first marriage, and Cuoco’s second big bang.

The FIFA Men’s 2018 World Cup soccer matchups were released. The United States Men’s National Soccer team was matched up with golf caddies.

NBC will refuse to pay out the remainder of Matt Lauer’s $30 million contract; Lauer cancelled delivery of “personal massagers” he’d ordered as Christmas gifts for all the women on the Today staff.

President Trump’s lawyer, Charles Dowd, confirmed to the media that he wrote the tweet sent from Trump’s account rationalizing his firing of Michael Flynn. You’d write Trump’s tweets, too, if you could bill $500/character.

Preceding a joint press release from the President of NAMBLA and Alabama Senate Candidate Roy Moore calling it “the communications breakthrough we’ve all been waiting for” —  Facebook unveiled its Messenger For Kids app.

The implosion of Detroit’s Pontiac Silverdome failed to collapse the retired structure on the first try. Local officials are set to detonate a second round of explosives and, if that doesn’t work, the Silverdome will host Detroit’s Devil’s Night festivities next Halloween.

New Jersey Governor-elect Phil Murphy said that after this season, bear hunting will no longer be allowed in the Garden State. Murphy advised residents if  you want to shoot a 600 pound mammal rooting through garbage cans for something to eat, you’ll have to go to Chris Christie’s shore house or MetLife Stadium on Sundays.

Employee benefit consultants are lauding the $69 Billion CVS acquisition of Aetna, saying it could transform a massive, complex, pricey healthcare system into a more massive, complex, pricier healthcare system.

The Supreme Court will hear arguments on the legality of single-game sports gambling in states outside of Nevada. The Gorsuch/Thomas/Alito/Roberts/Kennedy approval parlay is paying even money at the Mirage.

 

 

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A Russian research team unearthed the fossilized remains of a 10-ton, 17-foot-long sea cow on a Siberian beach. Experts believe the sea cow wanted to spend time at the beach, but needed to go to Siberia to avoid crowds & body-shaming.

Thanksgiving night fights forced officials to shut down the Riverchase Galleria Mall in Birmingham, Alabama, as fathers of teenage girls sought to protect them from Roy Moore.

GOBankingRates released a list of the 15 most affordable states for Millennials to buy homes. Topping the list? West Virginia – where it’s estimated that a home can be bought after just two-and-a-half years of selling meth.

DamToys is selling a 12-inch Steve Jobs figurine for nearly $200. It berates other nearby action figures and comes with 10 accessories, none of which is a daughter that the figurine refuses to acknowledge.

President Trump tweeted on Friday that he was heading to Trump National Golf Club to “play golf (quickly) with Tiger Woods and Dustin Johnson.” ‘Quickly’ means he’ll quit when they won’t let him win.

A Swedish power plant near Stockholm that uses recycled materials as fuel is burning unsold clothing from fast-fashion chain H&M; the company that owns the plant is hiring hundreds of mean girls to follow classmates around telling them to ‘burn that outfit’.

Following a second accuser’s claim that he grabbed her buttocks during a photo at the Minnesota State Fair, Senator Al Franken issued a new apology, and verified that he’s banned from the livestock exhibit at this year’s fair.

Oprah Winfrey shared her lavish Thanksgiving dinner spread on Instagram, including four 22-pound turkeys for her and her guests. Winfrey, a Weight Watchers spokesperson, declined to say how many Weight Watchers points she consumed, but was photographed with her food diary and a scientific calculator.

Michael Flynn is no longer sharing information regarding the Russia investigation with President Trump’s lawyers, leading observers to believe Special Investigator Robert Mueller has “flipped” Mueller to testify against The President. Sensing an opportunity, Russian President Vladimir Putin has offered to let Flynn use his Safe House.

Duchess Kate Middleton – pregnant with her third child – went off-roading with her husband, Prince William, at the Jaguar/Land Rover factory in England. “Off-roading” in this case meaning using Parent With Toddler parking instead of valet.