By |

Dr. Pepper is now the U.S.’ 2nd-most-popular soda, surpassing Pepsi and trailing Coca-Cola. Mountain Dew remains the most popular soda-related cause of organ failure.

A man who survived a shark attack while swimming at a California beach said he repeatedly punched it in the face. The man was treated for bites to his hand, arm, and torso – and officials are looking for a shark with a black eye.

This is Pat Sajak’s last week hosting Wheel Of Fortune, but said in an interview he could have kept going, mainly because he’s paid eight figures to spin a wheel once, say numbers and letters, and be a dick to people.

Boeing’s Starliner spacecraft team said a “computer issue” caused them to abort launch for a second time. The Windows operating system update said “this will take a minute” and was stuck on 2% Complete for a half-hour.

Cyndi Lauper announced her final in-person shows, the Girls Just Want To Have Menopause Tour

A 74-year-old Nebraska woman – pronounced dead at a hospice care facility – was found breathing after being transported to a funeral home. For their part, the ambulance company offered a discount on a second round trip between the two facilities next week.

Utah’s NHL team – the former Arizona Coyotes – reportedly has four finalists for a team name: Mammoth; Yeti; & two others. The last two weren’t named by the team’s new owner, but Bigamists and Joseph Smiths are believed to be in the running.

A University of Pennsylvania study claims daily Omega-3 fatty acid supplements correlate with a 22% reduction in aggressive behavior. The study followed gang members who took Omega-3 and shot 22% fewer people while enjoying lower cholesterol and blood pressure.

Medical startup Sword Health showcased a new AI that can talk to sick people during appointments. So far it knows “we aren’t accepting new patients”; “we don’t take that insurance”; and “have you tried Tylenol?”

The owner of the world’s largest collection of fossilized poop is showcasing it at his new ‘Poozeum’ in Arizona. There are samples from ancient dinosaurs, as well as new exhibits featuring Rupert Murdoch, Joe Biden & Donald Trump.

By |

Starbucks says it’s redesigning its cafes with “persons with disabilities in mind” – so people in wheelchairs will find it easier to do drugs in the bathrooms.

Lionel Richie said leaving Madonna off of ‘We Are The World’ was a mistake – but not as big a mistake as having Bob Dylan on it.

Abraham Lincoln allegedly pardoned Joe Biden’s great great grandfather after he stabbed a man in a brawl. Hunter Biden is hoping his great great dad will do the same for him.

High tailwinds caused multiple transoceanic passenger jets to break the sound barrier at speeds over 800mph. Meanwhile, Boeing admitted their 737 Max 9 jets get their doors – literally – blown off at half that speed

Former YouTube parenting influencer Ruby Franke was sentenced to four years in prison for child abuse. Asked if she had anything to say prior to sentencing, she asked the judge to hit those Like and Subscribe buttons.

Tridentinosaurus antiquus, the fossilized remains of an ancient reptile found in the Italian Alps in the 1930s, was determined to be a fraud. Researchers determined the fossils dark shading was created with paint, and the reptile’s jaw shouldn’t have contained bubble gum.

Companies are increasingly using artificial intelligence to review applicant resumes. Although, since it’s a human resources job, it doesn’t require a lot of intelligence.

An alligator at a Nebraska zoo needed emergency surgery to remove 70 coins from its stomach. None of the 70 Nebraskans got their wish.

Almost every area of California is under flood watch. Many Californians are disappointed to find their homes aren’t worth more now that they’re waterfront property.

A horse was spotted running on Interstate 95 outside of Philadelphia. Police and animal experts eventually tracked down the horse and returned it to the owner along with $800 in traffic tickets and unpaid EZ Pass tolls.

By |

California is considering a new law permitting human consumption of meat from roadkill animals. The legislation is expected to save millions of dollars each year for Arby’s.

CNN plans to host a John Hickenlooper For President town hall meeting next week, only it plans to change the Town Hall to a Tiny Kitchen.

A ‘bomb cyclone’ threatens to dump up to two feet of snow on portions of Nebraska, ruining the Spring Break vacation destination of the nation’s poorest, dumbest college students.

Kentucky Democrats are fundraising to advance retired military pilot Amy McGrath as a candidate to unseat Republican Mitch McConnell. They’re reportedly about halfway to matching the amount of money McConnell has stored in his neck pouch.

Michael Avenatti states that he is no longer the lawyer for Stormy Daniels, choosing to refocus his career on stand-up comedy.

The family of an 11-year-old boy is suing Universal Studios, saying his foot and leg were crushed at the end of the E.T. Adventure ride at Universal’s Orlando theme park. Said the boy: “ouuuch”.

A Cincinnati brewery employee claims he’s fasting and only consuming beer for Lent. Del Hall, sales director for Fifty West Brewing, says he’s already lost 15 pounds, and his job for being hammered all day.

Volkswagen may bring back the iconic ‘Dune Buggy’, revealing what it calls the ID Buggy concept car. It’s electric and runs almost silent, going 0-to-running over toddlers with pails & shovels on the beach in just seconds.

In a study of gummy vitamins, ConsumerLab.com found that gummies are more likely than pills to over- or under-deliver listed ingredients. Mainly because people just eat all the red ones and toss out the other colors.

Twitter is launching a new camera feature. Soon you’ll be able to swipe left to take photos or videos that the app will inexplicably cut off so followers can’t see the whole thing.