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Senator Rand Paul claims “hatred for Trump” is preventing clinical trials of the livestock dewormer Ivermectin as a means of curing COVID-19. Doctors say there’s nothing stopping Sen. Paul from doing his own trial anytime he wants.

The U.S. completed its pullout from Afghanistan, but promised to call or text in a day or two.

The Taliban said it will permit women to attend university, but mixing of genders in classes and activities will not be allowed. They then introduced the new all-male cheer squad at Kabul University.

An alligator attacked and killed a man at his Louisiana home flooded by Hurricane Ida. Prior to the attack, the alligator asked if the man had anything to eat, and the he told the alligator “no”.

The Caldor Fire is forcing evacuations near Lake Tahoe, California. The fire has spent a week in Lake Tahoe, equalling the seven-night record of Frank Sinatra.

Former champion Andy Murray was incensed after losing his opening-round U.S. Open match to #3 seed Stefanos Tsitsipas, claiming he manipulated the match with unneeded timeouts and bathroom breaks. For his part, the winner said he just really needed to take a Tsitsipiss.

IKEA is conducting a trial where it will buy back gently-used furniture. The furniture needs to be correctly assembled, so nobody’s shown up yet.

China banned online videogames for school children from Monday through Thursday, and will only allow three hours of gaming on the weekends. The decision led to both a spike in Fortnite wins for American & European kids, and record sales of Pornhub Premium subscriptions in China.

Jennifer Lopez wore a multipiece Dolce & Gabbana outfit in Venice, but left the price tag on the cape. Onlookers questioned the authenticity of the clothes, since the tag was from TJ Maxx.

A judge in Ohio ordered a hospital to treat a 51-year-old COVID patient – described by his wife as being ‘at death’s door’ – with livestock deworming medication Ivermectin. He then ordered the man’s ventilator be used on a cow that’s having breathing trouble.

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Boston Beer Company is teaming with Pepsi to make an alcoholic version of Mountain Dew – called Mountain Dew: Code Liver Failure.

Five New Jersey shore beaches were closed due to fecal bacteria levels. Local officials are asking parents to bathe diaper-clad infants and toddlers in the water to get levels back up to normal.

Colorado officials are saying not to trust Google Maps & Waze, after several travelers were stranded following those directions. They also say not to trust local bears offering to help when they see you’re lost.

New York Lieutenant Governor Kathy Hochul will become New York’s first woman Governor after Andrew Cuomo resigned. She led Cuomo’s “Enough Is Enough” campaign to battle sexual assault on college campuses, but did not support his “Enough May Not Be Enough” program in the state capital.

YouTube suspended Senator Rand Paul for sharing a video that falsely claims masks are ineffective in preventing the spread of COVID-19. Unfortunately this also means no one can view his many skateboard trick videos.

Tropical Storm Fred could hit Florida, and may rise to hurricane strength. Governor Ron Desantis has threatened to shut down businesses that temporarily close to stay safe.

A new study finds four seconds of high-intensity exercise, repeated two or three dozen times, benefit metabolism and muscles in people of varying ages. Although the study points out the four seconds need to be repeated in the same day, not year.

Northrop Grumman launches a new cargo ship to the International Space Station today. You can watch the launch online, then watch the arrival to guess which astronaut anxiously grabs the new shipment of toilet paper.

Jeopardy! will reportedly have two official hosts for the first time ever, with Executive Producer Mike Richards hosting daily games, and Mayim Bialik hosting specials and spinoffs. Aaron Rodgers will host his own special pouting about not being included in the decision.

A 13-year-old boy on an American Airlines flight was duct-taped to his seat for abusing his mother, and attempting to kick in a window. Other passengers were jealous because they taped him to a bulkhead aisle seat.

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Department store Lord & Taylor is closing all of its stores. “Good Lord!” said Taylor.

IKEA is partnering with LEGO, so you can have a second meltdown when you step on the pieces of furniture you can’t put together.

‘Sister Sister’ actor Marques Houston married Miya Dickey in a private ceremony. The pastor asked Houston “Do you take Miya Dickey?..”, then, that night, Houston asked his wife the same thing.

Paris, France will mandate face masks for all pedestrians and cyclists starting today. Parisians are generally okay with it since masks lessen the intensity from citizens who still won’t wear deodorant.

Career management site The Ladders listed industries least likely to hire workers over age 45. The industry least like to hire aging workers is Manufacturing; the place most likely to employ aging workers is The White House.

Because of underwater free-dive training for upcoming ‘Avatar’ sequels, Kate Winslet said she can hold her breath for seven minutes. She said it also comes in handy on the days when the crew is served burritos.

Fox Networks has delayed the premiere of reality show ‘Masterchef Jr.’, citing the coronavirus pandemic, and judges getting sick after eating Play-Doh.

Amid a bitter divorce battle, Dr Dre’s estranged wife Nicole Young won’t give him back his gun, his motorcycle or his golf clubs. Dre is reportedly very frustrated as he tries to finish a diss track that rhymes words for ‘gun’, ‘motorcycle’ and ‘golf clubs’.

New Jersey will honor transgender activist Marsha P Johnson with a monument. The monument will be accessible from both directions on the New Jersey Turnpike and will contain a Roy Rogers, a Starbucks and a Sbarro.

Senator Rand Paul of Kentucky said he was assaulted by an angry mob outside of the White House after the Republican National Convention. He said if he wanted to get beat up, he can stay home and let his neighbor do it again.