McDonald’s is making process changes to ensure its burgers are more juicy. Fewer burger patties will be cooked at once, and kitchen workers will each get water bottles to make sure they have plenty of spit.

Sandra Day O’Connor, the first woman on the Supreme Court, has died. Donald Trump swiftly nominated a conservative woman to take her spot in the nursing home.

Theresa Nist, the now-fiancee of Golden Bachelor Gerry Turner, was seen returning items to a HomeGoods store in her home state of New Jersey. “I don’t think you bought this here” said the clerk as Nist slid an unopened vibrator across the counter.

A blind golden mole that burrows through sand and was declared extinct over 87 years ago has been rediscovered in South Africa. Wildlife experts are amazed the blind mole was able to find sex on the beach.

A missing Botticelli painting valued at $109 million was found at a home in southern Italy. It was recovered when the owner tried selling it to buy plastic covers for her new furniture.

Tesla delivered its first Cybertruck off the assembly line, four years after it was announced. It has a starting price of $60,990, or $61,500 if you want electric Cybertrucknutz.

Democrats in Congress are pushing for a federal holiday honoring Rosa Parks on the anniversary of her arrest – while Republicans are pushing it to the back of the agenda.

A California father was arrested for allegedly helping his 16-year-old daughter sell her nude photos online. He’s being held on $4 million bail, and until further notice, their Etsy store is closed.

A 46-year-old male hospital security guard accused of sexually violating a 79-year-old female corpse claims he had a medical episode and fell on the body…and that the family requested she be buried in black lingerie.

Jung Yoo-jung, a 23-year-old Korean woman, was sentenced to life in prison for murdering and dismembering a female tutor she met online because she was obsessed with ‘true crime’ and murder. Before sentencing Jung was notified that she aced her English test.

New research finds too much high-intensity interval training is bad for you. “Good to know” said people walking on treadmills while reading books.

It’s Star Wars Day. The Mandalorian is busy hunting down and shooting everyone saying “May the 4th Be With You”.

Verizon sold AOL & Yahoo to a private equity firm, in a deal valued at “whatever 1997 was worth”.

Bill Gates and wife Melinda are divorcing after 27 years, six or more operating systems and three browsers.

A woman who didn’t know she was 29 weeks pregnant gave birth on a flight to Hawaii. During contractions, American Airlines charged her $99 to upgrade to a seat with more legroom.

  • “Can you shut that kid up?” said the guy in the seat behind her.

A Philadelphia man in an Amazon vest was caught on video stealing packages. At first cops thought he was impersonating an employee, but then he pissed in an empty soda bottle and went on with his day.

WNBA All-Star Breanna Stewart of the Seattle Storm got engaged to pro basketball player Marta Xargay Casademont of the WNBA Phoenix Mercury. Xargay praised Stewart’s one-on-one pressure.

A Republican woman in a California city council meeting compared her treatment for opposing mask-wearing to Rosa Parks “being pushed to the back of the bus.” Except she’s white. And has never ridden a bus in her life.

Hall of Fame NFL QB Terry Bradshaw called Green Bay Packers QB Aaron Rodgers “weak” for the way he’s publicly handling disputes with the team. Then Bradshaw got back to work on the E! reality show where his daughters ruthlessly make fun of him.

Joe Biden is raising the cap on refugees who can enter the United States from 15,000 to 62,500. They currently serving #48, and nobody has the money to buy a FastPass to jump the line.