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Ruben Flowers, Jr., a retiring 31-year veteran Southwest Airlines pilot, took to the cockpit one final time. Only he was paired with his 29-year-old son, Ruben Flowers III, as co-pilot for the first time. Southwest Airlines then cancelled the flight.

Usher will perform at the next Super Bowl Halftime Show. Other Ushers will perform for $14/hour.

A Russian admiral believed to have been killed in a Ukrainian assault on the Black Sea was put on camera on Russian TV to prove he survived. He’ll star in a new Russian made-for-tv movie, ‘Weekend At Sokolov’s’.

Joe Biden traveled to Michigan to walk the picket line with striking workers in a show of union solidarity. “Let’s get you guys back to Hollywood writing movies!” he said to the GM employees.

ArtificiaI intelligence ‘girlfriends’ are growing in popularity, as awkward & isolated young men seek companionship. Although health experts warn of serious depression as AI girlfriends become smarter and dump the guys that downloaded them.

Rite Aid plans to close hundreds of stores as part of a plan to emerge from bankruptcy. Although Rite Aid loyalty program customers were notified that clearance pricing on opioids is not part of the plan.

USA Pickleball, the sport’s governing body, is working on “quiet” initiatives to address complaints from people living near courts, who say the sport generates too much noise from the paddles hitting the ball, and ambulances arriving to treat elderly players.

Charlie Woods won a junior golf tournament in Florida with dad Tiger Woods caddying. The elder Woods then celebrated by treating 14-year-old Charlie to his first-ever restaurant hostess.

Tickets from Ford’s Theater on the night of Abraham Lincoln’s assassination sold at auction for $262,500 – $375,000 including Ticketmaster fees.

SAG-AFTRA authorized a strike against actors providing their likeness and voices in video games. They’re demanding higher wages & benefits for getting repeatedly killed and saying ‘Game Over’.

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Pornhub will use a third party to verify the identities of persons uploading content -using publicly available identity data, not boob and penis pics like they used to.

Online war game Call of Duty: Warzone has found & booted over 60,000 confirmed cheaters. They won millions of battles, but lost the Warzone.

Filters on iOS 14 meant to prevent children from accessing adult content are blocking all searches containing the word “asian”. While that’s fixed, kids are still learning through iPad and iPhone searches related to MILFs, kink, and latinas.

Harvard scientist Avi Loeb claims he’s “more sure than ever” that we’ve been visited by alien life on Earth. As evidence, he cites his inability to find pants that fit over the probe they used.

Donald Trump was the only living President who did not make a live or recorded message for this week’s National Prayer Breakfast. It’s unclear whether his absence was due to his pending impeachment, or for McGriddles being left off the menu.

Trump sent an angry resignation letter to the Screen Actors Guild on the same day they released their nominations for the annual SAG Awards. The Guild rescinded SAG nominations for Trump’s neck and balls.

NBA players are reportedly angry that the league still plans to have an in-person All-Star Game in Atlanta this March – especially since all of the strippers who usually travel to the host city are only appearing via Zoom.

Casey Anthony is reportedly co-producing a documentary about the infamous murder of her daughter Caylee, including never-before-seen footage of Casey, who totally didn’t do it, asking if her daughter is dead yet.

Google released an infographic showing the most-searched-for food items for Super Bowl parties. People are happy for the pandemic, so they don’t have to attend parties and eat Delaware’s “prawn toast” or Mississippi’s “possum sliders”.

Experts studying 1971 footage of Alan Shepherd hitting two golf balls on the moon determined his shots traveled 24 and 40 yards, respectively. Since he could only hit that far in zero gravity, aliens waiting behind him asked if they could play through.

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Nestle is recalling some pepperoni Hot Pockets because they may contain hard plastic and glass. The contamination was noticed by factory workers, but not a single person eating pepperoni Hot Pockets.

Fiat Chrysler merged with Peugeot to form the 4th-largest global automaker, Stellantis. Get ready to say “my Stellantis broke down”.

In advance of Inauguration Day, Los Angeles Police fortified security at the L.A. Zoo, fearing rioters could break in and wreak havoc by releasing animals. That, and a dozen baboons have been spotted in MAGA hats.

Legendary music producer Phil Spector died in prison; he hit the Wall Of No Sound.

Los Angeles County became the first in the nation to reach 1 million COVID-19 cases. They were on track to hit it a week ago, but traffic to the testing sites was terrible.

The FBI is investigating a report that January 6th D.C. rioters stole a laptop and plan to sell it to Russia. So far, Russians told the FBI they turned it down because they’re grossed out by Ted Cruz’s porn collection.

Donald Trump may issue 100 pardons on his final day in office. Every pardon comes with a Presidential Medal of Freedom, a ‘Be Best’ t-shirt, and the recipient’s choice of monthly auto-pay from checking or credit card.

Parler is back online. “Ok, where were we?…oh, right, violent domestic terrorism” said a group moderator.

Actors union SAG-AFTRA may stop production on Scott Baio/Kristy Swanson movie ‘Courting Mom & Dad’ for violating COVID-19 filming rules. Producers have already warned the film’s release to a bin at Walgreens checkout may be delayed.

German shepherd ‘Major’ Biden was celebrated at his InDogUration, celebrating his upcoming White House appointment as First Dog. He succeeds Tiffany Trump.