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Clinical trials show a drug commonly used to treat constipation, Prucalopride, improves memory in test subjects. Online message boards report a huge surge in people taking the drug, then taking the Jeopardy! Online Test while on the toilet.

Facebook, Instagram & WhatsApp all experienced a massive outage on Monday, leading to a steep drop in home-cooked Monday night dinners since they couldn’t be photographed & shared online.

Former White House advisor Stephanie Grisham says in her new tell-all book that Melania Trump wanted to send full-length mirrors to African children “so they could see they’re very strong”. But she was also worried damages in shipment would lead to their having seven years of bad luck.

Amazon is starting their Black Friday deals early, due to “supply chain issues” – which is what they call bathroom breaks for warehouse workers.

Amazon is also instituting a $10 fee for grocery deliveries from its Whole Foods subsidiary. They say the fee includes delivery drivers telling customers which organic produce in the order is already rotten.

Rapper Boosie Badazz confirmed he’d been kicked off the Legendz Of The Streetz mega-tour because of an onstage fight and a shooting during his appearance at a Baltimore club. Promoters told him to come back once he’s Boosie ResponsibleAzz.

Dr. Dre’s estranged wife Nicole Young continues her battle over their divorce settlement, claiming Dre had at least three mistresses while married. Proceedings have dragged on for months due to time involved for her lawyers to ‘depose dese hos’.

NASA’s DART mission – Double Asteroid Redirection Test – will deliberately crash a spacecraft into an asteroid to alter its path near Earth. The mission will be captained by one of the only NASA astronauts with several confirmed DUIs.

Sarah Silverman criticized the casting of non-Jewish actors to play Jewish roles. Because there aren’t enough Jewish people involved in making decisions in Hollywood.

Major League Baseball’s Cleveland Guardians – formerly Indians – will continue to sell Indians merchandise and donate the proceeds to Native American charities. They’ll also sell Guardians merchandise, but donate most of it to third-world countries.

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Scientists in Zurich have developed a lightweight virtual reality glove that simulates holding and touching objects that aren’t really there. It was developed so that the scientists could finally experience what it’s like to get to second base.

WOW Air will discontinue round trip flights from St. Louis to Reykjavik, Iceland. WOW said the decision was a combination of low demand, and complaints from St. Louis passengers who bought tickets to Iceland thinking they were landing in Buffalo.

White House adviser Jared Kushner, addressing the Saudi response to the disappearance of writer Jamal Khashoggi, said that Saudi Crown Prince Muhammad bin Salman must provide ‘full transparency’. Prince MBS misunderstood, and texted Kushner pictures of 8 of his wives in see-through robes.

Elon Musk said that a high-speed transit tunnel beneath Los Angeles from his Boring Company debuts December 10th, with free rides offered to the public on December 11th. No word on how private citizens sign up for the free rides, especially since rats with travel plans are already lined up.

Sarah Silverman said on the Howard Stern show that she sometimes allowed Louis C.K. to masturbate in front of her; but added that it reached a point where, when Louis asked if she wanted to see his new five minutes, she said no.

Thousands of Swedes are having microchips embedded in their thumbs by a company called Biohax. The chips act as wireless entry keys, e*tickets and travel passes. And when you shove your thumb up your ass, Biohax senses you’re bored and summons ideas of things for you to do.

In India, the brother of a 72-year-old man who died after 20 wild monkeys threw rocks at him from a nearby tree wants the monkeys to be charged. The local chief of police refused, saying it would make the police a laughingstock — and that, despite dozens of interrogation attempts, none of the monkeys are talking.

The ‘Wonder Woman’ sequel – ‘Wonder Woman 1984’ – has been delayed from a November, 2019 release to June, 2020 — surprising no one who’s ever waited for a woman to get ready.

Kendall Jenner lashed out at TMZ for sharing her home address, since a stalker has twice been arrested at Jenner’s home. Her publicist then called TMZ to tell them which clubs and restaurants she’ll be visiting for the remainder of the week.

Federal prosecutors in the District of Columbia have set up a hotline so victims can report clergy abuse by Catholic priests.  Your call is important to them. Due to large volume, your estimated hold time is approximately 90 minutes.