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Ricardo, a large steer captured running on New Jersey Transit train tracks in December, is hospitalized with an infection. All of Ricardo’s girlfriends are advised to get tested.

A woman was trapped for 15 hours overnight in a gondola lift at Lake Tahoe’s Heavenly Ski Resort. The lift was apparently shut off with her in it, and things went downhill from there.

E. Jean Carroll said she plans to spend the $83 million awarded to her by the jury in her defamation lawsuit on “something Donald Trump hates”. She’ll still have $82,999,000 left after buying the treadmill.

For the first time ever, a live baby great white shark has been spotted in the wild off the California coast. The baby shark was fine having its picture taken, but begged whoever took the photo not to play the song.

Taylor Swift was seen mouthing the words “go away, please” as cameras showed her watching boyfriend Travis Kelce from a suite at the AFC Championship. An estimated 30 million people watching at home were saying the same thing to their TVs.

Eminem also watched from a suite as his Detroit Lions suffered a crushing defeat to the San Francisco 49ers in the NFC Championship. No word on whether Eminem also hooked up with a tight end after the game.

Privacy advocates are concerned that Google plans to allow artificial intelligence to read and analyze texts sent on its Google Messages platform. AI already can tell which messages are really boring and lie about never getting the text.

Sofia Vergara said her acting jobs are “limited” because of her Colombian accent – but adds that meetings with producers are “plentiful” because of her breasts.

A 49-year-old military veteran faked needing a wheelchair for 20 years to collect almost $700,000 in disability benefits. He was working as a kindergarten teacher, where a confidential informant captured video of him doing the Hokey Pokey.

An Associated Press investigation found U.S. prison labor is used in the supply chain of many popular food brands, including Gold Medal flour, Kellogg’s Frosted Flakes, and Double-Stuf Life Without Parole Oreo Cookies.

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On the season finale of The Kardashians, Kylie Jenner said she regrets getting a boob job at a young age, but added it was a pretty great 12th birthday.

Doctors now say isometric exercise is a good way to lower blood pressure, along with cardio exercise, or stopping your heart altogether.

Donald Trump is now charged with conspiring to destroy Mar A Lago surveillance footage in the classified documents case. Trump is said to be furious, since co-defendants also deleted footage from the ladies locker room.

Mitch McConnell’s representatives said he’ll serve through 2024 as GOP leader in the Senate, after he communicated his intentions to them through mind-meld.

Fan activity from a Taylor Swift concert in Seattle registered 2.3 on a seismometer. It’s believed to be the first time 50,000 people paid over $1,000 each to be in an earthquake.

Divorcing couple Sofia Vergara and Joe Manganiello are fighting for custody of their dog, Bubbles. However, Sofia will retain sole custody of her own bubbles.

Dr. Katharine Roxanne Grawe, aka “Dr. Roxy”, had her Ohio medical license revoked for posting TikTok videos during cosmetic surgery she performed – including breast augmentation and Brazilian butt lifts – without patient consent. TLC also cancelled her planned tv show, Doctor Bra Popper.

A Spirit Airlines passenger urinated on the floor of the jet next to an exit door, after claiming she’d been denied use of the lavatory for two hours. Spirit’s spokesperson said she was only denied use of the bathroom because she refused to pay the $20 checked-urine fee.

The Mayor of Anchorage, Alaska wants to give homeless people one-way tickets to warmer climates before the start of frigid Alaska winter. Hearing of the deal, many longtime Anchorage residents have filed to declare themselves homeless.

A 39-year-old Florida manatee died earlier this year after having “high-intensity” sex with its brother at the aquarium where they both lived. Counselors were made available to the fourth-grade students visiting the aquarium on a field trip that day.

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Environmentalists are concerned that ocean temperatures off the Florida coast now exceed 90 degrees. However, if you move away from the toddlers, temperatures cool off considerably.

After the pilot suffered a medical emergency, a 68-year-old female passenger in a private plane crash-landed it at Martha’s Vineyard airport and both survived. She said it’s the first time she’d driven a vehicle without a rear-view mirror to check her makeup.

Sofia Vergara and husband Joe Manganiello are divorcing after seven years of marriage. Neither are asking for spousal support, but he’s seeking visitation rights to her boobs.

Donald Trump said he’s been informed by a Special Counsel that he’s the target of an investigation to overturn the 2020 Presidential Election. Trump thanked the Special Counsel for the $100 million in donations from dopes he’ll get as a result.

A woman returned to her Philadelphia apartment to find four strange men there. She shot two of them, and asked the two better-looking ones what their deal was.

Lindsay Lohan gave birth to her first child, a baby boy, Luai. He weighed 7 pounds and several ounces of cocaine.

A Japanese steakhouse in Florida was shut down after reports of seven customers sickened by drugs in their food. Cops had to get a second search warrant to obtain samples that the chef flipped into his hat.

Doctors in Long Island’s tony Hamptons say they’ve seen dozens of rich men seeking to enlarge their genitals with penis injections. Doctors also say they’ve given penis injections to their patients’ disappointed wives and girlfriends.

A homeless California woman sleeping in the tall grass of a public park was killed by a landscaping crew’s lawnmower. Her gravestone reads Rest In Pieces.

Japan Airlines will offer weekly clothing rental for travelers who wish to pack light and leave their large suitcases and apparel at home. Visitors from western nations are advised to order Japanese rental clothing six to ten sizes up.

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Customers claim Instacart shoppers are stealing their groceries. Instacart executives say the best way to prevent theft is to not order cookies and potato chips.

Producers of Modern Family – which ended its decade-long run on Tuesday night – hinted at possible spin-off shows for its characters. So far the most likely characters to get their own show are Sofia Vergara’s breasts.

Google told employees they can’t use videoconferencing app Zoom on company-issued laptops anymore. Workers will need to use Google tools like Google Meet or Google Hangouts if they want to share below-the-neck nudes.

Tom Brady told Howard Stern during an interview that former Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski has an “amazing” penis, but that his balls are a little too taut for his liking.

Ellen Degeneres jokes that self-isolation is “like being in jail”. Some women inmates said she’s kinda right, since they, too, are “gay for the stay”.

Levi’s ‘Super Mario’-themed jeans go on sale today online. Just add the items to your cart, enter a payment method, and defeat Donkey Kong ten times.

Convenience store chain Wawa is donating use of a refrigerated truck for the state of New Jersey’s use as a temporary morgue. Families retrieving bodies can add a bag of chips for 99 cents.

The Unicode Consortium – overseers of emoji – announced no new emoji will be issued in 2021 because of the COVID-19 pandemic. People can still submit new emoji suggestions, but until then, keep the two oranges and eggplant ready in your ‘recently used’ tab.

Yelp! laid off 1,000 employees, leading to Yelp! collapsing in on itself as the target of hundreds of scathing Yelp! reviews.

Walmart’s grocery shopping app achieved a record number of downloads. The bad news is that orange soda and Cheetos are still backordered until Halloween.