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After six years in prison, hip-hop star Bobby Shmurda was released on Shparole.

Disney+ placed an ‘offensive content’ warning before some episodes of The Muppet Show. including Dr. Teeth & the Electric Mayhem’s cover of the Rolling Stones’ ‘Some Girls’.

NASA’s Perseverance rover sent back a recording of the wind on Mars, followed by a robotic sounding “excuse me”.

Six Flags will reopen all of its theme parks in 2021 and will hire ‘thousands’ of employees – including specialists trained to tell the difference between COVID vomiting and roller-coaster vomiting.

Stevie Wonder told Oprah Winfrey he’s moving to Ghana – or at least that’s what he thinks is going to happen.

Dr. Dre calls estranged wife Nicole Young a “greedy bitch” in a new rap, which he made the unfortunate choice of debuting in a family court hearing.

Martin Gugino, the elderly Buffalo man whose skull was fractured after being pushed to the ground by cops last summer during Black Lives Matter protests, is suing the city for millions in damages, although he’s expected to settle for a condo in Florida.

New Jersey Governor Phil Murphy signed a bill legalizing recreational marijuana, although state-sanctioned sales won’t be available until completion of the New Jersey Turnpike’s Wu-Tang Clan Service Area.

Meghan McCain criticized COVID vaccine distribution, asking “how I, Meghan McCain, co-host of The View” can’t know when she’ll be eligible. Ironically, many of her viewers are eligible because their immune systems are compromised from listening to Meghan McCain.

Emma Colonel Aspuro, 31-year-old wife of drug kingpin Juan ‘El Chapo’ Guzman, was arrested on drug & conspiracy charges. She was detained after arriving at Dulles Airport in Virginia after emerging from the tunnel connecting it to Tijuana.

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After six years in prison, hip-hop star Bobby Shmurda was released on Shparole.

Disney+ placed an ‘offensive content’ warning before some episodes of The Muppet Show. including Dr. Teeth & the Elecrric Mayhem’s cover of the Rolling Stones’ ‘Some Girls’.

NASA’s Perseverance rover sent back a recording of the wind on Mars, followed by a robotic sounding “excuse me”.

Six Flags will reopen all of its theme parks in 2021 and will hire ‘thousands’ of employees – including specialists trained to tell the difference between COVID vomiting and roller-coaster vomiting.

Stevie Wonder told Oprah Winfrey he’s moving to Ghana – or at least that’s what he thinks is going to happen.

Dr. Dre calls estranged wife Nicole Young a “greedy bitch” in a new rap, which he made the unfortunate choice of debuting in a family court hearing.

Martin Gugino, the elderly Buffalo man whose skull was fractured after being pushed to the ground by cops last summer during Black Lives Matter protests, is suing the city for millions in damages, although he’s expected to settle for a condo in Florida.

New Jersey Governor Phil Murphy signed a bill legalizing recreational marijuana, although state-sanctioned sales won’t be available until completion of the New Jersey Turnpike’s Wu-Tang Clan Service Area.

Meghan McCain criticized COVID vaccine distribution, asking “how I, Meghan McCain, co-host of The View” can’t know when she’ll be eligible. Ironically, many of her viewers are eligible because their immune systems are compromised from listening to Meghan McCain.

Emma Colonel Aspuro, 31-year-old wife of drug kingpin Juan ‘El Chapo’ Guzman, was arrested on drug & conspiracy charges. She was detained after arriving at Dulles Airport in Virginia after emerging from the tunnel connecting it to Tijuana.

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As he continues to lobby to be traded, Jacksonville Jaguars cornerback Jalen Ramsey skipped practice Monday, saying he’s sick and might have the flu. Then he was totally embarrassed when he ran into Jaguars Head Coach Doug Marrone in the lobby of the cinema showing Downton Abbey.

Melania Trump rang the opening bell for the New York Stock Exchange on Monday. “Meddy Chreezmuss!” shouted Mrs. Stable Genius.

Viral video shows two bears fighting in the middle of a highway in British Columbia. The video was captured by the Grubhub driver delivering the salmon they were fighting over.

A McDonald’s in Sacramento is playing an unpleasant noise over an outdoor speaker to aggravate loiterers and homeless people so they’ll leave. Asked what the noise is, a McDonald’s manager said “it’s two Grimaces mating.”

An arrest warrant for sexual battery was issued for actor/comedian Andy Dick, according the LAPD’s Andy Dick Division, created to keep up with the frequency of his crimes.

Blac Chyna went on a dinner date with an unidentified new boyfriend, who put her toes in his mouth at their table. The waiter finally dropped off some bread to get him to stop.

Congress formed a group to combat youth vaping – meaning vaping will end up being bigger than ever.

Embattled NFL wide receiver Antonio Brown, released by the New England Patriots, reenrolled in classes at Central Michigan University where he played college football. Brown is glad to be on a college campus, where no one worries about sexual assault.

The annual Primetime Emmy Awards took place Sunday night, as confused American tv viewers asked themselves “are netflixes and hulus and primes tv? or is they movies?”

Motown released 60 unheard tracks from their vault. Some of them were songs from Stevie Wonder, Diana Ross and others; most of them were Joe Jackson abusing his kids to get them to work harder.

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Amazon’s Jeff Bezos is contributing $2 Billion to an effort to fight homelessness, because Amazon drones have trouble finding them to deliver the stuff they ordered.

Donald Trump is alleged to have illegally ordered the removal of braille signage from Trump Tower elevators during construction, telling the architect “no blind people” will ever live there.  This explained why Stevie Wonder got lost & never showed up for a private concert at the Trump Tower penthouse years ago.

Trump also faced criticism for retweeting a FEMA link to a Hurricane Florence ‘Rumor Control Page’, set up to minimize misinformation regarding the storm. Trump has wrongly said the Puerto Rico/Hurricane Maria death toll is a lie, and also added a photo to his FEMA retweet claiming to be him big-wave surfing off the North Carolina coast.

Elon Musk’s Space X has reportedly signed up their first civilian passenger for a flight around the moon.  The passenger is allowed one carry-on, will board in Group 4, and has yet to upgrade to a window seat.

Incumbent New York State Governor Andrew Cuomo defeated his Democratic primary challenger, Cynthia Nixon, carrying 65% of votes. Nixon’s team blamed the huge loss on high voter turnout – much like Nixon blamed hatred of ‘Sex and the City’ on the large number of straight men watching it.

Health officials are warning customers of a New Mexico spa to get blood tests, after the spa was found using unsafe hygiene practices while giving so-called “vampire facials”.  Vampire facials involve microinjections of blood plasma, and are not to be confused with the porn parodies of ‘Twilight’.

Paul Manafort entered a plea deal with Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s team to avoid a second trial. Reports surfaced that the deal includes a cooperation agreement with Mueller’s team, either for testimony or for hooking up his hard-working lawyers with Russian prostitutes.

Kylie Jenner posted an extensive first-person Snapchat story about dealing with bullies, then stepped out in a pair of skin-tight latex pants that had everyone saying “bully for her!”

Consumer Reports issued a list of five ‘top vehicles under $25,000’ for first-time new-car buyers. Topping the list – the Subaru Forrester – praised for its roominess, fuel efficiency, safety, and ability to expand the owner’s social circle to include more gay women.

Julia Mooney, a New Jersey middle-school art teacher, is sending a message about eco-consciousness by wearing the same dress to school for 100 consecutive days. “Miss Mooney — new dress?” said a kid doing a lousy job covering up for skipping the first two weeks of school.