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Actor Hugh Jackman warned the public of the dangers of skin cancer after undergoing a procedure to remove cancerous lesions. He said to wear sunscreen, but make sure you remove your Wolverine claws before putting it on.

Donald Trump told a crowd of dopes at Mar a Lago that the only crime he ever committed is fearlessly defending the U.S. from those who seek to destroy it – reinforcing the notion that Trump doesn’t even know what “crime” means.

Pornhub users searched “Stormy Daniels” over 650,000 times on Tuesday – and if you push away the other stuff, you can see the smile all over her face.

Viral video confirmed a rumor that Taylor Swift is secretly transported to the stage of her Eras Tour hidden in a janitor’s cart. A new rumor started that her dancers now stand further away on stage because she reeks of Pine Sol.

Businesses and influencers are angry that 22,000 job cuts at Facebook & Instagram “gutted” the customer service department. Reached for comment, Mark Zuckerberg said “wait, we had a customer service department??”

Tiger Woods appeared at The Masters, but said he doesn’t know “how many more I have in me”. Hostesses at Augusta-area restaurants also aren’t sure how many more times they can have Woods in them.

Brandon Johnson will be the next Mayor of Chicago, after winning a runoff election with Paul Vallas. Johnson took 20 minutes at his victory celebration stopping supporters from yelling ‘Let’s Go Brandon’.

Website Nameberry says “old money” baby names are trending – like Antigone, Emeline & Pandora for girls and Alistair, Piers & Sumner for boys. Coincidentally, “old money” names are projected to be “new bullying victim” names in about eight years.

Actress Kaley Cuoco gave birth to a daughter, Matilda, 9 months after a big bang with boyfriend Tom Pelphrey.

Kim Kardashian took her family on a vacation to Japan, spending countless hours fielding questions from her children on why everyone’s butt is so flat there.

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A new study questions the effectiveness of colonoscopies in detecting cancer. The study may not impact most adults decision to get a colonoscopy because they’re so much fun.

Every child at a day care center in Allentown PA required treatment following a carbon monoxide leak. None were seriously hurt, and day care workers saved the idea for the next time toddlers were uncooperative at nap time.

Actress Angela Lansbury died at age 96. Natural Causes, She Wrote.

Warner Brothers Television Group cut 125 jobs, or roughly 26% of total headcount. In a memo to employees, CEO Channing Dungey wrote “thbudee..thbudee..that’s all for your jobs, folks”.

British pop singer Rex Orange County was charged with sexually assaulting a woman on six separate occasions in London, and is now known as Rex County Jail.

‘Big Bang Theory‘ actress Kaley Cuoco announced she’s expecting her first child with ‘Ozark‘ actor Tom Pelphrey, following an average bang.

A self-described ‘incel’ faces life in prison for a plot to kill 3,000 sorority girls at an Ohio university. His defense attorney called it an unnecessary tragedy, since three drunk Ohio sorority girls said they might have actually considered having sex with him.

Georgia Senate Candidate Herschel Walker said of a woman who claims he paid for her abortion and urged her to have another, “she’s lying”. Walker is right, since he actually paid for three abortions.

Harvey Weinstein’s attorneys complained to a judge about the “medieval” conditions in his holding cell at the courthouse, claiming that it lacks a proper toilet, and wenches to harass.

Tom Brady is part of a group that purchased a Major League Pickleball team. Other teams in the league say they’re at an unfair disadvantage playing Brady’s team because they’re getting hit with a ton of Roughing The Pickle calls.