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In San Francisco, driverless robotaxi Waymo ended their trial period and now opened up service to everyone. Three homeless people with no means to pay have been sharing the same ride around town for a week.

The City of Wilmington, Delaware opened an ‘outdoor classroom’ in Cool Springs Park. A dozen squirrels and raccoons have already dropped out.

Queen sold its music catalog to Sony for $1.26 billion. The original amount was slightly higher, but Queen had to pay Sony several million dollars to take ‘Radio Gaga’.

Snapchat introduced new safety features to protect teen users. Teens now need a parent’s permission to send a picture of their breasts or penis to some guy they just met.

Totally Cool ice cream company is recalling over 60 brands of ice cream for possible listeria contamination. The brands include Friendly’s, and eating the ice cream could result in a Jim Dandy case of nausea and diarrhea.

The Supreme Court ruled that the White House and FBI can instruct social media companies to remove disinformation. This means Facebook, X, Instagram and others could be responsible for removing deepfake videos, election falsehoods, and every layer of filters on Kardashian/Jenner photos.

Viral home security video shows an Illinois man chasing off an intruder by swinging a frying pan until police arrived and asked if the man could put down the frying pan and make them breakfast.

71-year-old Marissa Tiejo is the oldest contestant to compete for the title of Miss Texas. For the talent competition, she drank a 16-ounce bottle of water and remained on stage for a full 30 minutes.

72-year-old Bill Belichick and his 23-year-old girlfriend Jordan Hudson have reportedly been living together for months. Hudson reportedly moved in after Belichick opened up his bedroom for Mandatory Off-Season Workouts.

Cincinnati Reds pitcher Hunter Greene vomited on the mound during a pitching appearance. The contents of his stomach were clocked at 94 mph.

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Historians have traced the romantic act of kissing on the lips as far back as 4,500 years, which is also when they discovery date of the first-ever Friend Zone.

The White House briefed lawmakers on a ‘serious national security threat’ related to Russia. They wouldn’t provide specifics, but said the threat probably had a Big Mac and Diet Coke for lunch before it went golfing.

Singles are reportedly sick of dating apps, and are increasingly attending in-person singles mixers to find partners. For their part, Tinder and Grindr say the “singles mixers” they help set up are still going strong.

The inventor of Pop-Tarts has died. He chose not to be cremated, but lightly browned.

Waymo, the self-driving car division of Google, recalled software after two of its vehicles struck the same truck. The truck had apparently cut them both off, spurring robot rage.

A sinkhole in Wilmington, Delaware partiallly swallowed a United States Postal Service truck. Fortunately, the rats living beneath the street were able to retrieve their Priority Mail packages themselves.

Two moms who work at McDonald’s are suing, because they say their break time is insufficient to pump breast milk, and that there’s no private place to do it. They also say they’re tired of managers suggesting they put any extra in the McFlurry machine.

A former Penn State University professor who’d already been arrested for having sex with his pet collie was arrested again for nudity in a public park with a tree branch and a Tootsie Pop in his rectum. Meanwhile, the collie just wants to move on with her life.

Rachel Dolezal, a white woman who famously identified as black, was fired from an elementary school teaching job over her OnlyFans account. She’s also confusing the OnlyFans customers who find her in the Ebony section.

The U.S. Government is looking to sell the seized $300 million yacht of a Russian oligarch because it costs $600,000 per month to maintain – including cleaning, marina rental, and feeding 200 prostitutes.

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Facebook announced that they will no longer permit advertisers to target users based on their race or ethnicity. This is causing confusion and anger among older white women in the Midwest who don’t know why they’re seeing ads for braided wigs, oversized condoms and menthol cigarettes.

A meta-analysis combining 185 studies in which semen was collected over the past 40 years found that sperm concentration in men has steadily declined over a generation. “See baby we don’t need a condom” said men sharing a PowerPoint graph of the study findings with women they met at the bar.

An experimental Alzheimer’s drug, an antibody called BAN2401, is stirring hope after early trials. The drug provided an improvement of 26-30% in patient cognition over a placebo, meaning 26-30 participants actually remembered what study they were in.

The Boston Globe reported that the Necco Wafer candy factory has been abruptly closed — a huge relief to children who pretended to be grateful when given Necco Wafers by their grandparents.

Scientists discovered a liquid lake on Mars – they assume it’s where Martians piss while they’re on vacation.

A Cubs fan at Wrigley Field was struck by a metal tile that fell from the hand-operated center field scoreboard. The man required five staples to close a cut, which he received after singing Take Me Out To The Emergency Room.

Samsung is expected to announce the Galaxy Note 9 in a couple of weeks. It’s rumored to have a 4,000mAh battery, its largest ever. Experts say that’s the longest battery life of any mobile phone, expected to burn up to 12 hours.

Tammy DuBois, 52, of Pittsgrove, New Jersey was treated at an area hospital after she was attacked by a rabid fox and killed it with her bare hands. New Jerseyans have now taken to a new expression: “crazy like Tammy DuBois”. [story h/t to JL!]

Sombra, a drug-sniffing German Shepherd dog working for Colombian police – that has found 10 tons of cocaine trafficked by the Urabenos cartel – has been moved for its own safety after Urabenos made death threats. The dog’s fur was dyed blond and it now answers to ‘Sally’.

Waymo self-driving car service is offering to take customers on round-trips to pick up merchandise at WalMart. The move is being hailed as a breakthrough by chronic shoplifters that don’t own a car.

 

 

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Walmart will no longer display Cosmopolitan magazine at checkout aisles in response to complaints from the National Center on Sexual Exploitation, who believes the magazine degrades women. Walmart is still evaluating whether or not to display Weekly World News, following complaints that it’s degrading to half-man/half-monkey creatures.

Chicago Cubs star Kyle Schwarber is posting great stats in spring training after shedding 30 pounds in the offseason. Schwarber attributes the change to exercise, diet, and only having steroids on his ‘cheat day’.

Apple introduced new products at an event on Tuesday, including a $299 budget iPad for students, that includes the Apple Pencil for drawing. Apple said the product is the result of research showing how much students like to take photos and draw penises on them.

Self-driving car company Waymo introduced what it calls the first “premium” self-driving car, a Jaguar iPACE. The high-end SUV is wide enough to run over several pedestrians at once, and drive itself to the shop for bodywork before anyone notices.

A local Planned Parenthood chapter came under fire from pro-life conservatives for a tweet that read “we need a Disney princess that’s had an abortion.” Also under fire? Prince Charming for replying “then what did I give Cinderella the money for?”

President Trump is suggesting that funding for the controversial Mexican border wall be funded from the U.S. Military budget. A government procurement worker is thrilled because he found a great deal on bricks for $50 each.

Reality star Farrah Abraham settled her $5 million lawsuit against Viacom, claiming that the company dropped her from MTV’s ‘Teen Mom’ and “sex shamed” her for doing porn. An MTV spokesperson said ‘Teen Mom’ cast members’ sex lives are “none of our business…after they finish 10th grade, anyway.”

Johnny Manziel, one-time ‘Johnny Football’, met with several NFL teams regarding a possible comeback – then finished the meetings and returned to work as Johnny Pizza.

Peyton Manning reportedly turned down Fox Sports’ offer to announce Thursday Night Football, due to Fox’s request that they also project the instant replays on his forehead.

Facebook announced initiatives to make 3 major changes to their Privacy Settings, labeling them Hard, Harder, and Hardest.