Three scientists won the Nobel Prize for Chemistry for ‘snapping molecules together like Legos’. Then one of the scientists broke their foot stepping on the Nobel Prize.

Angelina Jolie alleges that Brad Pitt abused her and two of their children on a flight in 2016 – striking her head, choking one of the kids, and making all of them watch Oceans 12.

Paradiso, in Barcelona, Spain, was named the World’s Best Bar by website theworlds50best.com – a site managed by someone who apparently thinks they’re too fancy for $1 margaritas at Applebees.

The world’s biggest pilot of the four-day work week by a public relations company in London is almost complete. They think that productivity is generally good, but see a tenfold increase in people calling in sick on Thursday instead of Friday.

New York Yankees slugger Aaron Judge broke the American League record with his 62nd home run. Overall home run king Barry Bonds hopes Judge doesn’t get a swelled head.

A New York investment adviser caught Judge’s home run ball, which is expected to bring him upwards of $2 million. It was the day’s third-most-valuable catch, following whatever two lawyers caught jobs representing Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen.

Olga Valeeva, winner of the Miss Crimea beauty pageant, was fined by Russian authorities for singing a patriotic Ukrainian battle anthem. She was ordered to pay 40,000 rubles, and return to her new job driving a tank.

Three teens in Florida stole a Maserati and led police on a 120-mph high-speed chase before flipping the car, killing one of the thieves. The news gets worse because the Maserati was insured with The General.

A new animated Scooby-Doo movie will confirm Velma is gay – but still not as gay as Fred’s neckerchief.

Senate candidate Dr. Mehmet Oz is accused of killing puppies for medical research. Some of them suffered punctured hearts, the rest died from overeating Green Coffee Bean Extract Dog Chow.

A Boston hospital is denying a heart transplant to a patient who refuses to get a COVID-19 vaccine. “Have a heart” he pleaded.

Julia “Hurricane” Hawkins, age 105, set a record in the Louisiana Senior Games by running 100 meters in 1 minute, 2 seconds. Her record will be certified once officials test her urine sample, which she provided by giving officials her track shorts.

Starbucks is launching BAYA energy drink. It’s pronounced “buy’-a“, as in, “I’d rather buy a energy drink that doesn’t cost six dollars.”

Simply Lemonade is entering the boozy beverage market with Simply Spiked Lemonade. It’ll be available in stores, and from 2nd graders blacked out at a card table in front of their house.

COVID-19 was detected in two wild New Jersey deer. They’re still looking for the two does who were with them during that wild weekend in Atlantic City.

Walking just 10 minutes a day could lead to a longer life. “Good to know!” said a serial killer who now walks to his victim’s houses.

Peter Robbins, the voice actor who portrayed ‘Peanuts’ character Charlie Brown, died by suicide. Memorial contributions can be made to the 5-Cent Psychiatric Clinic.

Barry Bonds, Major League Baseball’s all-time home run leader, was denied entry to the Hall Of Fame in his last chance on the ballot. Voters didn’t want him getting a big head.

An out-of-control rocket launched by SpaceX in 2015 will crash into the Moon in early March. “Never forget” said Moon Creatures, in early March 2023.

D.A.R.E. – Drug Abuse Resistance Education – is condemning HBO’s ‘Euphoria‘ for depicting high school student drug use, addiction, and anonymouse sex. Meanwhile, the fictional high school is being inundated with transfer requests from teens watching the show.