Facebook will begin notifying users if their personal data was provided to Cambridge Analytica, with a red dot indicating Cambridge Analytica Approved Your Friend Request! They’ll then be invited to connect with Cambridge Analytica on Messenger, and see Cambridge Analytica employees’ kids first day of school pictures.

A topless female protester jumped a barricade and charged at Bill Cosby outside of his sexual assault trial. Cosby was kept safely away while he looked for his eyeglasses.

The protester was identified as Nicolle Rochelle, an actress who had guest-starred on The Cosby Show, although she doesn’t remember much about it.

Apple introduced a red iPhone 8, so now anyone can start a nuclear war.

Uber purchased bike-sharing service Jump Bikes; now women can be creeped out by a hairy guy in the front of a tandem bicycle.

A mother’s apology has gone viral, after her elementary-school-aged son wore a McDonald’s ‘I’m Lovin It’ parody t-shirt, depicting ‘golden arches’ as a pair of spread woman’s legs in high heels. The mother said her son will never wear the shirt again, and the boy said three of his teachers asked him on a date.

A new study suggests that exercise can reduce risk from heart disease, even if you have a genetic risk for it. The study followed the results of a half-million people, excluding the ones who had heart attacks while exercising.

A man confessed on Facebook to killing his mother and friend with a stolen rifle. At the time the post was reported and taken down, Wow! and Sad emoji responses were tied.

A 1-year-old boy was struck by an oxygen canister that fell from the ceiling during landing of an American Airlines Hong Kong-to-Dallas flight. The boy was sitting in his mother’s lap at the time of the incident. The mother was scolded for not hitting herself in the head with the oxygen before before letting her boy be hit.

Game-show app HQ Trivia is rolling out social features, so you can connect with friends while you play the game and see if they’re even more stupid than you are.

A new high-speed Florida train has struck and killed a person for the 4th time since launching service. This time the train was northbound so the body landed in Georgia.

 

Officers at The Vatican arrested and incarcerated Monsignor Carlo Capella on charges he uploaded and viewed child pornography. The Vatican charged him with hogging the computer while other clergy were waiting to do the same.

73-year-old former NFL and NCAA head coach Steve Spurrier has been named Head Coach of the Orlando team in the new Alliance of American Football. He’s expected to start work just as soon as he clears the league’s Dementia Protocol.

The Alliance of American Football is scheduled to begin play the week after the 2019 NFL Super Bowl with eight teams. It’s intended as an alternate league for pro football players to build or extend careers, and as an elaborate ruse so Donald Trump will quit his job to own a football team again.

The remaining seven Alliance of American Football teams have yet to be announced, but league officials will make the home cities public just as soon as they register with their respective bankruptcy courts.

A White House official told CNN that President Trump has begun early preparations for a potential interview with Special Counsel Robert Mueller. The preparations involve Trump identifying basic shapes and colors so that he can become reacquainted with actually telling the truth.

An Oklahoma mom posted that she’s “embarrassed” that her seven-year-old daughter’s textbook is the same one used by country superstar Blake Shelton in 1982. Shelton’s name was hand-printed on the inside front cover, and his high school senior year book report on it was tucked inside the back cover.

Singer Demi Lovato posted Instagram pictures of her stretch marks, extra fat and cellulite.  She shared the photos to show fans that she still loves her body even though it isn’t perfect.  In return, she was thanked by thousands of male creeps.

Conor McGregor was stripped of his UFC Lightweight Championship after McGregor threw a hand truck through a UFC bus window. He faces charges of felony criminal mischief and misdemeanor assault. The charges are a heavy betting favorite to win.

With McGregor out, the new undisputed UFC Lightweight Champion is Khabib Nurmagomedov – also from Ireland.

Facebook is planning to inform users if they were among the 87 million whose data was illegally obtained by Cambridge Analytica – leading to an estimated 50 million new Likes for Cambridge Analytica.

During a concert by singer Andrea Bocelli, the Lucca Philharmonic Orchestra in Pisa, Italy was conducted by a robot. Between songs, orchestra members took turns olive-oiling it.

After Congress passed an anti-online sex trafficking bill, Craigslist shut down its Personals ads. Craigslist advised site visitors who still want to pay for sex to start browsing “Yard Sales”.

A woman angry over being bumped from an overbooked United Airlines flight was stunned to receive a $10,000 flight credit voucher. Asked by reporters why the woman was removed, a United spokesperson said they needed the space for dog coffins.

A Colorado district is transitioning to a four-day Tuesday-through-Friday school week. Mondays can now be freely used by students to score weed.

Playboy model Karen McDougal, in an interview with Anderson Cooper, apologized to Melania Trump for the sexual affair she allegedly had with Donald Trump. “No problem, you did ME the favor” replied Melania in a hand-written note with a Neiman Marcus gift card.

NASCAR postponed its race in Martinsville, Virginia on Sunday due to snow.  NASCAR fans were reluctant to leave, with most thinking they walked into a Coors Light ad.

Stormy Daniels’ interview with Anderson Cooper aired on 60 Minutes on Sunday, driving the show to its highest ratings in 10 years. CBS responded with a preview of next week’s feature: ‘Jenna Jameson Does Syria’.

Facebook Founder and CEO Mark Zuckerberg took out full-page newspaper ads to apologize for Facebook’s role in the Cambridge Analytica scandal, leading to a flood of calls by grandparents asking their kids and grandkids what Facebook and Cambridge Analytica are.

Amid speculation that he can’t find lawyers to aid his defense in the Russia investigation, President Trump tweeted that “many lawyers” want to join his team, all of whom have promised a “free consultation” and a history of winning “huge cash settlements”.

The day after the multi-city “March for our Lives”, Pope Francis used his Palm Sunday sermon to tell young people to ‘cry out’ to demand change. Except for young victims of Catholic priest sex abuse, who he told to ‘just be cool and deposit the check.’

Financial and industry analysts are speculating that Apple is working on a foldable iPhone, as Apple focuses on finding new ways to help iPhone users break their screens.

A 90-year-old Fremont, California man fell in a well and had to tread water for two hours waiting to be rescued. He was hospitalized with hypothermia and lacerations, and did not get his wish.