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Khloe Kardashian shared a photo of her cheek indentation following a melanoma tumor removal. Her cheek is being filled using cosmetic procedures, and the occasional NBA basketball player.

A Florida Amazon delivery worker was bitten by a venomous snake, but survived. The snake later died after a FedEx delivery worker dropped a 75-pound box labeled ‘FRAGILE’ on it.

Officials cite Taylor Swift’s call-to-action on National Voter Registration Day for over 13,000 new voters registered every 30 minutes. They also cite her influence for a record number of 18-year-old women posting diss tracks on YouTube about their congressmen.

Southern Baptists lost half a million members in the past year – at least 10 of whom say it wasn’t because of sexual molestation or being browbeaten for donations.

Cassidy Hutchinson, former assistant to White House Chief of Staff Mark Meadows, said she was groped by Rudy Giuliani on January 6th, 2021. As evidence, she offered the streaks of black hair dye on the seat of the pants she wore that day.

Leaders of the Navajo Nation may repeal the Native American tribe’s ban on same-sex marriage – saying it wouldn’t be the first time the tribe has benefitted from a big gamble.

Once again, McDonald’s is being sued by a customer who claims they suffered severe burns from scalding hot coffee. McDonald’s announced they’ll no longer allow hot coffee beverage substitutions in Happy Meals.

A family claims Google Maps caused their father to drive off a collapsed bridge in North Carolina, falling to his death. Defending the app, a Google spokesperson said “hey, he’s the one who wanted to avoid toll roads.”

Pauline Newman, a 96-year-old federal court judge, has been barred from hearing cases after concerns were raised about her mental fitness – and about her physical fitness after dislocating her shoulder lifting the gavel.

Sami Sheen – daughter of Charlie Sheen & Denise Richards – said she’s addicted to nicotine, and surgeons are requiring her to quit vaping before performing her desired breast enlargement surgery. Sami doesn’t see why her damaged lungs should keep her from getting a new set.

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Tesla may be sued because of allegations its Autopilot feature deactivates moments before a collision, so as to shift blame to the driver. Tesla plans to dispute this, claiming the car is shifting from Autopilot to Jesus Take The Wheel mode.

A lawsuit claims a 4-year-old boy in Houston was given a vasectomy during hernia surgery. The boy’s family seeks $1 million in damages, and a reversal of the vasectomy so he can start a family with the kindergarten teacher he has a crush on.

A muckraking political action committee alleges GOP Representative Lauren Boebert was employed as a paid sex worker and had two abortions. It also says she’s so dumb, she had both abortions done on the same visit.

14 children were injured when a bounce house went airborne and landed on an empty tennis court. First responders are thankful it landed on the tennis court, because if it landed on the pickleball court it could have killed four 80-year-olds.

Lizzo changed the lyrics to her new song Grrrls to remove the word ‘spaz’ which is considered offensive. She promised to be more thoughtful and stick to ‘bitch’ and the N-word.

Newlywed Britney Spears and her husband moved into a new house in a gated community where ex-husband Kevin Federline lives with the two boys he fathered with Britney. She says it’s not about visiting her boys, it’s so she can send child support payments with one of those drive-up teller vacuum tube things.

Charlie Sheen is displeased that his daughter Sami is now on Only Fans. He claims ex-wife Denise Richards enabled it, but it makes sense that Richards gave their daughter a video camera, green screen, and sex toys for her 18th birthday.

A dog set a Missouri home on fire when it turned on a burner of a kitchen stove. The dog was rescued and treated his family to KFC because he burned dinner.

Microsoft ends support for its Internet Explorer browser after 26 years. Loyal users are bombarding customer support websites to ensure they can save the Mapquest directions to their grandkids house.

Amber Heard told Today host Savannah Guthrie she still has love for Johnny Depp, adding they’ve been through a lot of shit together.

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Following a racially-charged argument between co-hosts Sharon Osbourne and Sheryl Underwood, ‘The Talk’ is on temporary hiatus, and will be replaced with ‘The Awkward Interracial Silence’.

Soleil Moon Frye, better known as ‘Punky Brewster’ revealed in her new documentary ‘Kid 90’ that she lost her virginity at age 18 to then-29-year-old Charlie Sheen. She described the encounter as ‘magical’, because she somehow didn’t contract herpes.

Facebook will pay news outlets to display their content in Australia. However, they’ve yet to agree to terms to pay Australian moms for gossip about who’s cheating on who.

Calls are growing for Donald Trump to urge his skeptical supporters to get a COVID-19 vaccine, since he’s been vaccinated. Calls are also growing for Trump to jump off a bridge, for the obvious good example that will set among his followers.

TIME Magazine features trans actor Elliot [formerly Ellen] Page on the cover. In a profile article, Elliot said he had his breasts removed, which has ‘transformed his life’ while ‘severely dropping his bench press’.

Tiger Woods signed a new deal with game publisher 2K to appear in their PGA Tour video game series. You’ll be able to play as Tiger, meaning you can drive into the rough and miss the entire season.

Trevor Lawrence, expected to be selected first overall in the NFL Draft, traveled to Las Vegas for a bachelor party ahead of his April wedding. There, he watched film of strippers before making his draft picks for the party.

Katrina Parrott, an African-American woman who invented diverse skin tones for emoji, is suing Apple for stealing her idea. She’s angry enough to have developed a new reddish-black tone.

For the first time, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences nominated two women to lose the Oscar to one of three men in the Best Director category.

Scientists used 3D sound mapping to unlock the secret of why hummingbirds hum. Long story short, all that flapping makes it hard to hold a note.

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Facebook and Instagram are adding dashboards to help track time spent on social media. “Wow, four hours a day is a lot of bullying!” said a cyberbully.

A survey from personal finance website Finder.com found that gin drinkers are the biggest “drunk shoppers” on Amazon. They were also the biggest “drunk shoppers” at brick & mortar stores before racking up so many DUIs.

Thieves stole two of Sweden’s crown jewels in a daring daylight heist in Stockholm. The criminals escaped in a speedboat and are still at large, despite Sweden putting all six of its cops on the case.

All 103 persons aboard an Aeromexico flight that crashed on Wednesday morning survived. Air travel experts weighed in on how everyone lived, saying that ‘tequila keeps everybody pretty relaxed.’

A man unknowingly rescued old books from a dumpster that had once belonged to Thomas Jefferson. Some were volumes by French theologian Pierre Charron – most were compilations of letters to 1800s Penthouse Forum about sex with black women.

A flight attendants union is petitioning the Department of Transportation to regulate the temperature aboard commercial aircraft. With the rise of sexually aggressive behavior on planes, the flight attendants are trying to eliminate any reason for weirdos to remove their shirts and pants.

Charlie Sheen is asking a judge to modify his child support, saying that he’s been unable to find steady work, and is in a “dire financial crisis” with less than $10 million in assets. Sheen is requesting that he be allowed to pay child support with cocaine.

The winners were announced in the New York State Craft Beer Competition. The big winner was Threes Brewing from Brooklyn, which took two medals; the big loser was Genesee, which took several judges’ livers.

Ivanka Trump shared an opinion that diverged from her father’s, saying she doesn’t think the media is the ‘enemy of the people’. She added that she thinks media is “hilarious” and “Boo! A Media Halloween” is her favorite Tyler Perry movie.

Thanks to a new law, catcallers in Paris face $870 on-the-spot fines for verbal sexual harassment. Police have yet to collect any money, though, since the male undercover cops they’ve been using to stroll past construction sites aren’t that hot.

Madonna said that Donald Trump’s presidency led her to move her family to Portugal – just in case anyone is struggling to find a positive outcome of the Trump presidency.

 

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A University of California study concludes that alcohol and caffeine can help you live past age 90. The study followed a group of 89-year-old Mormons who finally just said “f*ck it”.

Famed Bollywood actress Sredevi died unexpectedly at age 51. Her family asks for privacy during this difficult time, while they rehearse the 20-minute song-and-dance number that will conclude her funeral.

Seattle psychologists John and Julie Gottman have reopened the “Love Lab”, where couples pay $4,500/day to have all aspects of their relationship analyzed. Meanwhile, an enterprising lawyer is enjoying record business opening an office next to the Love Lab offering $395 divorces.

Charlie Sheen is selling his Beverly Hills mansion, asking $9,999,999 — or, an even $12 million if you want it cleaned and disinfected.

Iowa is granting gun permits to residents who are legally or completely blind. Officials there say they’re buying the guns, but what they’re really interested in is the sight mounted on top. [h/t to D. Terruso for posting the story.]

Ivanka Trump told NBC News interviewer Peter Alexander that she believes all of her father Donald Trump’s denials of sexual misconduct, telling Alexander she thinks it’s “pretty inappropriate” that he asked. Asked why it’s inappropriate, Ivanka said it makes her remember all the times she had to shake him off.

Ivanka told Dr. Oz that she suffered from postpartum depression, once she learned she’d need to wait six weeks for postpartum cosmetic surgery.

As Marvel’s “Black Panther” closes in on $1 Billion in box office receipts, theatre owners are reportedly demanding more diverse superhero movies – lifting the spirits of the screenwriters who thought their live-action “Hong Kong Phooey” movie would never get made.

President Trump told a gathering of U.S. state governors he thinks he would have ‘run in’ and confronted Parkland school shooter Nikolas Cruz even if he didn’t have a weapon.
“I wish” thought millions of Americans.

Heather Locklear was arrested on charges of domestic violence and battery on a police officer, who was able to end a fight she was having with her boyfriend by yelling ‘cut’.