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Following a wild shooting outside a Wawa convenience store, Philadelphia police needed to use coffee cups from the store to mark all of the bullet casings. They intended to mark the casings with donuts, but they disappeared.

Philadelphia also surpassed 400 homicides in 2021. Mayor Jim Kenney said he’s “outraged and heartbroken”, but plans to slow things down by mandating vaccines, masks, and kevlar vests.

The Rolling Stones paid tribute to deceased drummer Charlie Watts as their tour kicked off in St. Louis, as they posted large photos of Watts on video screens, alongside a video of band members splitting a pile of cash three ways instead of four.

A home drone delivery service in Canberra, Australia shut down because ravens kept attacking the drones. The ravens are angry that the drones are flying too close to their nests, and doubly-angry that none of the parcels contain worms.

A viral video shows a woman with a portable mic & speaker walking the aisle of a Spirit Airlines flight, performing songs from her “mixtape”. She dedicated her performance in celebration of her 3rd anniversary as a Spirit Airlines flight attendant.

Dog The Bounty Hunter announced he’s joining the search for Brian Laundrie, who’s wanted in the death of Gabby Petito. Dog will focus his search on the Appalachian Trail, where there are more tv cameras than the Florida swamps.

Cheryl Burke, professional dancer on ABC’s Dancing With the Stars, will not appear for several weeks because she’s positive for COVID-19. ABC execs arranged a hastily-produced limited-run spinoff, Ventilating With the Stars.

Facebook is reportedly pausing development of an Instagram app for children, owing to heightened criticism of influencer culture, and concern that they’re not getting high enough adoption of the app from hot-looking kids.

Nestle recalled 14 tons of DiGiorno frozen pizzas for containing an ‘undeclared ingredient’, soy protein – after mouse droppings on the pizza tested positive for soy protein.

Carjacking cases are skyrocketing in New York and other cities. It’s so bad, carjackers created an app so they can carpool.

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Meghan Markle & Prince Harry will appear at Saturday’s Global Citizen festival to defend the planet and defeat poverty. Since they’re showing up, it’s now called the Global Better-Than-You-Normal-Citizens festival.

The United States death toll – 675,000 Americans & counting – from COVID-19 just surpassed the deaths from the 1918 Spanish Flu. “F*ck” .. was the last word of a 105-year-old who retires with a record of 1-1 against the two viruses.

“Actress” Nicole Richie accidentally set her hair on fire while blowing out candles celebrating her 40th birthday. The fire briefly spread to her pants and she admitted she’s 47.

Cassandra Peterson – better known as Elvira, Mistress of the Dark – says in her new autobiography that she’s been in a same-sex relationship with a woman for 19 years. Though she admits the relationship is open and allows her to bang werewolves during a full moon.

The cinema remake of Broadway hit ‘Dear Evan Hansen’ received mostly negative reviews, many centering on 27-year-old Ben Platt playing the title high-school character. A sequel is planned, ‘Evan Hansen Gets His GED’.

Disney CEO Bob Chiapek praised Disney’s Park Pass Reservation System as the “backbone” of their theme park operation. He then praised overpriced day passes as the “arm and a leg” that sucker families append to that backbone.

Talk show host James Corden faces criticism for his comments regarding Korean boy-band BTS’ appearance at the United Nations, saying it was unusual because their fanbase is mostly 15-year-old girls. U.N. ambassadors from Iraq and Afghanistan said some of their wives are 15-year-old girls.

African airlines are converting passenger jets to cargo carriers because they can make more money. That, and Air Ethiopia is tired of hearing passengers complain that they’re starving.

A magnitude 5.9 earthquake hit Melbourne, Australia, as parents scrambled to retrieve their joeys and put them back in pouches.

The Rolling Stones played their first concert since the death of drummer Charlie Watts, a private concert for New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft. The Stones hired new drummer Steve Jordan to beat the skins, and Kraft found a new massage therapist to do the same.

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Officials are worried about a credible ISIS terrorist threat to the area around Kabul Airport in Afghanistan – they’re threatening to only sell Dasani water.

Over half of Florida’s school districts are defying Governor Desantis’ ban on mask mandates. Some families still support the mask ban, and are planning to have their kids trick-or-treat as themselves.

Vice President Kamala Harris visited Vietnam, and required a SEAL Team to free her from captivity making sneakers in a Nike factory.

Spencer Elden, who appeared naked underwater as a baby on the cover of Nirvana’s LP ‘Nevermind‘, is suing, claiming his appearance constitutes child pornography. Nirvana’s attorneys want to settle the lawsuit by giving Elden a binky and a nap.

Paulina Porizkova, 56, shared an unretouched version of her nude photo that appeared on the cover of LA Magazine. She said the pic used “no filters, no anything else”, a claim disputed by creeps who wish it had no hair obscuring her boobs.

Two U.S. congressmen – both former military service members – flew to Kabul to see the Afghanistan evacuation effort firsthand, and to hold the lowest-grossing fundraising dinners in modern history.

Delta Air Lines is raising health insurance premiums for unvaccinated workers by $200/month to compensate for COVID-19 expenses. The workers plan to make up the $200 by selling more stuff they steal out of your checked baggage.

Rolling Stones drummer Charlie Watts died at age 80, shocking everyone who placed bets on Keith Richards for the last 20 years.

Stones frontman Mick Jagger paid tribute to Watts, but feels that the show must go on – starting at $200 for lousy seats.

OnlyFans has reversed its decision and will no longer ban pornography on October 1st. Shares of KY and Astroglide lubricants are up 300% in early trading.