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Britney Spears is reportedly working on new music for the first time in six years. She’s struggling to rhyme ‘conservatorship’.

Alcohol-related deaths increased 25% during the pandemic – and 90% in households where in-laws moved in.

A Los Angeles driver sent a rented Tesla Model S airborne at a steep intersection, crashing into parked cars before fleeing on foot. Police are offering a reward for information leading to the capture of Elon Knelon.

‘Maury‘ is ending after 30 years. Povich’s wife Connie Chung looks forward to a dinner conversation that isn’t about pregnant single women.

Kanye West’s Grammy performance was cancelled by producers, citing his “concerning online behavior” and “music that threatens the life of his ex-wife’s boyfriend”.

The Cleveland Browns claim they did “extensive research” before acquiring accused sex criminal Deshaun Watson in a trade. As a result of their research, some of the women accusing Watson are now also suing Cleveland Browns personnel execs.

Applebee’s claims they want to be “more like McDonald’s and less like Olive Garden”. Either way, someone is gonna be disappointed on Mother’s Day.

Equifax, Experian & TransUnion credit reporting agencies say they’ll remove medical debt from credit reports. Since then, they’ve been inundated with requests from people with lousy credit scores saying they went to med school at University of Phoenix.

Dating app company Match Group launched Stir, a dating app for single parents. There’s a free version, and a Premium version that costs $89.99 of your child support money.

Justin Bieber’s wife, Hailey, was briefly hospitalized for evaluation of a brain condition – unrelated to extended conversations with Justin Bieber.

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Former CBS News anchor Connie Chung commented on Donald Trump’s conflict with Lesley Stahl during their ’60 Minutes’ interview – then returned to her lab to process paternity tests for husband Maury Povich.

Facebook is launching a cloud gaming service, but only for Windows and Android devices because Apple won’t allow it – unless, of course, Facebook releases Apple’s favorite game, Pay Up Or Else.

Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson cut open his face while throwing 50-pound metal chains at the gym. The wound required several stitches from a doctor stunned to see blood from a Rock.

Phil Collins’ attorneys sent a cease-and-desist letter to Donald Trump, demanding that he stop playing ‘In The Air Tonight‘ at his rallies – but that Trump could still use ‘Against All Odds‘ if he wants.

A new study finds diet sodas increase the risk of heart attack and stroke, especially new Coke Zero Heart Rate.

NASA said they discovered traces of water on the Moon. They had planned a new mission to inspect it, until they found Neil Armstrong’s Dixie cups discarded next to it.

Unnamed Fox News anchors are in quarantine after being exposed to a COVID-19 positive individual on a private plane. Fox News said they’re shocked it’s only a few employees, since all of them are required to kiss Donald Trump’s ass.

Experts say school ventilation systems should be capable of filtering and changing out the air in classrooms 3 times an hour. However, to ensure safe breathing, that should increase to 6 times during the pandemic, and Taco Tuesday.

Bud Light Hard Seltzer released three new Holiday flavors: Ginger Snap, Peppermint Pattie and Apple Crisp. They’re being sold in a 12-can Ugly Sweater Pack, which is how your sweater will look after you vomit the new flavors on to it.

A California mailman encountered a man who had cut his arm with a chain saw and bleeding profusely. The mailman quickly used his belt as a tourniquet, but delivered it to the wrong arm.